I’m in lust with my rental car.
Like, bad.
For those of you just tuning in, 1) where have you been all my life? and 2) my major form of transportation was totaled not long ago, leaving me a fresh tutor of the public transportation system and a sad, sad girl.
Apparently the insurance company decided to brighten our lives by giving Dave and I free use of a rental car for five days. I don’t know why five. I’m sure there’s some insurance algorithm to it. Or maybe it’s just a monkey and a prize wheel; I don’t know. All I know is I haven’t been this excited to be on four wheels in a long time.
To truly understand the complete and total lust I have for this vehicle, you have to understand that I haven’t had a car in my possession ever that’s been from the same decade as the current year. Or hasn’t had a variety of dents and bangs and difficult personal problems to deal with. I’ve spent a lot of time smooth-talking my cars and trying to encourage them to carry on with their lives in spite of their troubles. For the most part, I’ve just been thankful to have something that can get me from Point A to Point B, lack of air conditioning, power windows, power locks, a trunk, and two back doors aside.
Last night I sat in the car and blasted the air conditioning just so I could wriggle with excitement at its existence. I played with the windows. I admired the quiet, almost indistinguishable hum of the engine. I bought groceries and when I got to the car, there was a trunk to put them in. Like, a nice sized trunk with a top that didn’t weigh fifty pounds and slam back down on my left arm if my strength failed while loading things inside with the right arm. As I pushed the grocery cart back into its stall, I lusted hard over that beautiful, working, nice-exteriored, unproblematic car like it was a high school crush. And I have to give it back Monday.
That’s like giving me a puppy and then telling me to murder it. I absolutely will not murder a puppy.
I’ve thought about a getaway plan. I want to ride off into the sunset with this reliable, simplistic, capable car. But they have my information on file and I can’t imagine I’ll get very far before I’m sent to a place that doesn’t require transportation beyond my own two feet back and forth from the mess hall.
I bought a five dollar lottery ticket when I was at the store because it had a picture of the car on the front and promised to give away 10 to lucky winners. I got caught up in the idea of a reliable car from the 2000’s. I thought of how ridiculous it would be but was focusing more on how possible it was. After all, that car has POWER WINDOWS. The lotto ticket didn’t even have to offer a brand new car. It could have just offered one from the last ten years and I would have peed myself if I got a car icon in and of the 12 scratch off squares. But I scratched and scratched and nothing came but disappointment and the sinking realization that I am a complete and total moron.
I walked back to the car and admired its shiny exterior, its unworn tires, and its promise of reliable transportation and deeply regretted the 5 dollars I had just wasted on a scratch off ticket.
I needed that money for the bus next week. ♣
The Jackie Blog 
There’s a reason why the lotto is also referred as the “stupid tax”.
Ya know, I’ve never encountered someone so excited for a modern car. I tend to take power windows, a/c and all that jazz for granted these days. It’s refreshing to someone so grateful for one. 🙂
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to see someone*
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lol well I’ll try to take that as a compliment
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Steve Martins Laugh for the day: “I need a new car, planning to marry Kim for a week.”
Thought you would related.
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Love Steve Martin. Also, he has a great head of hair.
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Jackie, you have a gift to make such a fun and frothy piece of writing like this out of your rental car situation. I really enjoy reading your stuff.
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Thank you so much Peg – that really means a lot coming from someone who writes like you.
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I laugh at your misfortune. And that’s wrong. But you make me do it. (Don’t start buying lottery tickets. It will suck you in and steal all the money you need for everything. Don’t do it.)
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done with the tickets. done. stupid, stupid, stupid. *cries and runs away, flailing*
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Nice rental cars ARE deceiving. I prefer the smoke-saturated ones so I don’t experience your wanderlust. Great post and find a pewter? lining?
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oh! smoke-saturated would have made it much easier to part with. darnit!
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I love the puppy analogy!
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haha thanks – I should have included a visual. Of the puppy, not its murder.
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