Please Don’t Make Me, It Hurts

31 Aug

It has been one great rotation of the earth since I have posted.  Where in the holy hellballs did I go?

No, really. The last time I posted was last September,  wherein I said I was “back,” whatever that meant. Apparently it meant that I had sincere plans to dive nose-deep into the pale, sweaty armpits of the Internether and perhaps never return.

I’ve come ever so briefly out of my little dark whole with the cockroaches and video games – out from the muck and the mire and all off the rolls of fat and shame that have accumulated since my last post. I’ve brought new toons as penance. Once, many moons ago, I asked Sir John Michnya to draw some for me hoping that by the time they were finished, the desire to update would stick my finger into the part of my brain that publicizes my thoughts and pull something gooey out.  Four months later, here it is.

The reality, my friends, is that life has been hard. Like, real hard. Like, “hey, I heard 2014 was pretty nice for you and got you a nice job and appreciation for family and stuff so HEY LET’S THROW DEATH AND CANCER AND HEARTACHE AND AWFUL IN YOUR FACE TO MAKE UP FOR THOSE GLORIOUS GIFTS ISN’T LIFE SO FUNNY!”

It’s all about balance. Seems fair.

All is well enough in Jackieland, have no fear. As well as it can be, given that I haven’t yet been transported to live my real, true life as a night elf in Azeroth. Someday, ducklings. …Someday. In the meantime I need something to make me feel like I don’t suck as much.  So I picked a half marathon.

You may recall that in 2013, my 365 challenge was to work out every day and culminated in a 10K. You may also recall my near-death in that experience, the amount of increase in my tendency to cuss, and a beneficial thinning of my thighs coupled with a promise that I would never, ever put my genetically underdeveloped body in that position again.

But I have a good friend who did the 10K with me and was happy to shame me into running an ungodly amount of miles, despite it being over twice what nearly killed me. The texts he sent me thereafter helped me to envision a dull, dark world where I had walked away from a challenge. They were almost Shakespearean.

This talk of half marathon is not an empty promise, friends. I’m in week nineteen of half marathon training. I can slowly jog more than eight miles in an ugly and haggard fashion.  I have my motivation board up and active, I have enlisted a personal shamer, a personal coach, and a personal cheerleader. The trifecta is in place.

The truth is I don’t really know what else to do. I don’t want to stop trying new things, I don’t want to have a tumbleweed blog, and I don’t want to have space in my brain for all the awful that this year has brought so far. So a really long and painful run is all I’ve got.

I sucked. Life is ebbs and flows of suck.  But what else can be done with it but to put it out there and look it in the face. It just gets bigger and fatter the longer I wait.

The older I get, the more I think that we’re all just flailing in suckery. The good eggs try to correct course. The bad eggs, for some reason that will forever dog them, don’t try. The glory is in the trying, I think.

Here’s to the good eggs. 

Shout out to a fan from the nether who greased up the ol’ contact form and told me to get back at it so that she could have a brief respite from her soul-sucking state job. I’d tell you her name but then the government would assign her a drone. Thanks for turning on the skillet.

26 Responses to “Please Don’t Make Me, It Hurts”

  1. Ice_Badger September 1, 2015 at 1:49 am #

    Oh my goodness! A half marathon!!
    I did one of those and I encourage you not to go and read my post about it if you don’t want to be put off for life!!
    Mind you I have every confidence that you will be awesome at it! Especially if you can already do 8 miles 😀
    Knowing how hard this challenge is…I am mucho impressed!! Keep training and you will be awesome!!


  2. Ice_Badger September 1, 2015 at 1:56 am #

    Ps if you want to read about mine (to stop you making the same mistakes I did!) it is here:
    Dear Running… | Midsummer 365 Projects


    • Jackie September 4, 2015 at 11:45 pm #

      I did want to read about yours – thanks for sharing! I see you’ve truly moved on from your subsequent posts to the hypothetical letter-reading “running.” I’ve been having a hard time accepting that I might have to take two or three walk breaks but your post reminded me that there are lots of ways to finish. It’s just about the finish, perhaps. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ice_Badger September 5, 2015 at 3:00 am #

        I realised during the half marathon, and really in the training that long distance running is not for me!
        I am doing short runs now and I think between 5 and 10km is ok but beyond that no!
        It was so hard to accept that I was going to take over 3 hours and be practically last! I am sort of proud that I did it now but a lot of me is annoyed that I was so bad at it (yes I know that is not rational!)
        I am positive you will do well! And if you have to walk there is really no shame in it but you are competing with you and that sometimes makes it harder!!
        You will be awesome! For my it was about not dying! 😉


        • Jackie September 6, 2015 at 10:19 pm #

          For me it will be about not dying as well. What a way to go though, eh? Thanks again for the support!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Ice_Badger September 7, 2015 at 2:09 am #

            Not dying is a valid goal for something like this!! It is such a long way!!


  3. Prolific One September 1, 2015 at 4:54 am #

    ThanQ. Your comeback post has just helped me probe my very absence & push me to get up, get dusted and write again so I can breathe & live properly again.


    • Jackie September 4, 2015 at 11:38 pm #

      Well if you publish it into the great electric nether, come back and post the link so I can see it! Thanks for dropping in.


  4. Samantha September 1, 2015 at 12:26 pm #

    I’ve missed your writing. I can also profoundly relate to wanting to climb inside of Azeroth. Especially now that I can fly! :p (Just kidding, still have to find 30 more treasures. :()

    Glad to hear you’re marathon training. You can do it! 🙂


    • Jackie September 4, 2015 at 11:36 pm #

      Thanks for shaking the pom-poms…and for swinging by in spite of the hiatus!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. pegoleg September 1, 2015 at 4:38 pm #

    I was shocked and amazed to see your smiling avatar in my comment section and again in my Reader. So glad to hear you are still with the living, but very sorry to hear it has been such a lousy year.

    I could toss all kinds of bumper sticker platitudes at you, but the fact is, there are times in life where it’s hard to see the good for all the suckiness. But the good is still there – please try to remember that. And how fabulous that you’re back training again! I stopped going to the gym and started gaining weight, just about the time you last dropped off the interwebz. Le sigh.

    If you want a cyber-shoulder to cry on via email, Miss Jackie, give me a holla.


    • Jackie September 4, 2015 at 11:34 pm #

      Is it greedy to talk to you in both places? Probably. You know what? It feels nice to have someone just say “yeah sometimes things suck.” Why does that feel better than encouragement sometimes?

      Anyway, thanks for keeping the bumper stickers. And don’t worry about the scale. You’re just fat with success.


  6. Jules September 1, 2015 at 7:54 pm #

    Oh look, you’re alive. GL on the half.


    • Jackie September 4, 2015 at 11:32 pm #

      Jules, I really expected you to shoot a rocket into the sky at the news of a half marathon. Remember way back when I started and you kept saying I could do more and I kept saying I couldn’t? 😉


  7. bikerchick57 September 1, 2015 at 8:30 pm #

    I’m glad to see you’re back, Jackie, but I’m also sorry for your awful past year. It will get better, right? Just keep moving and rolling forward. No cracks, just a gentle boil into your 10k. I’m giving you the gift of admiration for getting out there and trying to be a good egg and I’m shaking my pompoms for you.


    • Jackie September 4, 2015 at 11:24 pm #

      Thanks! It might have been easier if I’d have kept this up. But sometimes things fall off the plate against your will. I appreciate having a cheerleader! And it’s a half marathon. I only specify because I want you to be able to tell people exactly what killed me.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. mfinocchiaro September 2, 2015 at 1:16 pm #

    Glad to read you again. Chin up, it can only get better right? Your writing is always entertaining and enlightening. Thanks!!


    • Jackie September 4, 2015 at 11:22 pm #

      Hey, thanks for moving the cobwebs out of the way to read. I appreciate it!


  9. Momma September 5, 2015 at 5:32 pm #

    Well it’s about time. I needed this to get out of my funk. It was a very hard day for me and I’ve been right there with you for much of this past year’s suckiness. Oh yeah, I’m still going through that…….lol.
    You can do this marathon. I’ve proven over and over again you can do what you put your mind to. I’m cheering you on from the sidelines.


    • Jackie September 6, 2015 at 10:17 pm #

      I’m sorry, ma’am – who are you?

      🙂 Thanks momma.


  10. Nancy September 8, 2015 at 12:07 pm #

    Jackie. I think of you (and Dave) often. I always see the chic, smart, imaginative young woman with the great smile. You are lovely. I’m sorry to hear there has been too much bad news.
    Always yours,


    • Jackie September 8, 2015 at 11:18 pm #

      Oh, Nancy how kind of you to say. That’s quite an encouragement and I appreciate it. Some years are just harder than others but hopefully I’ve survived enough of a stretch of valley to be able to make it to a nice spot on a hill soon.

      Thanks for taking the time to read and to leave such a lovely note. ❤


  11. lorification September 11, 2015 at 10:27 am #

    Oh gosh, I’m 10 days late to the party! Welcome back to the blogosphere. I’ve missed you 🙂


    • Jackie September 13, 2015 at 11:57 pm #

      You’ve been incredibly busy in those 10 days! Thanks for reading again. I have to remember how to do all of this. 😉


  12. kitchenmudge September 19, 2015 at 12:52 am #

    We’ve never met, Jackie, but I was glad to check in here and see you writing again. You are not allowed to die. That’s final.


    • Jackie November 3, 2015 at 8:13 pm #

      I missed this one, so I’m sorry for my delay. I’ve actually been thinking “man… no one checked in on me? no one wanted to know where I was? WILL ANYONE CARE IF I DIE?!” and you did. right here. Thank you. ❤


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