In This, the Passing of My First Life Quarter

11 Jul

I’m right there with ya, kid.

I am writing this post in the last hours of my 25th year.  It is the end of my first quarter-century;  I have completed one fourth of my supposed long and happy triple-digit life.

I am enduring this home stretch with a set of very troll-like eyebrows.

You see, I’m doing this thing for my birthday called destressing.  I’ve spent this past week preparing for a day of complete and total self-indulgent bliss.  I start with getting my hair done, progress to getting my brows “designed” and then get a long, lovely massage.

That’s right, I said “brow design”.  Apparently that’s a thing.   This entire time I’ve been walking around with normal human eyebrows and thinking it’s socially acceptable but it’s not.  They need to be expertly crafted.  Doing so will change the way people look at my face, perceive my hairstyle, and receive my opinion in large groups.

That’s what I’ve convinced myself of, anyway. My 26th year is going to be an expertly crafted Year of the Brow.  There’s only one catch.  In order to properly have your brows “designed”, you have to grow them out.  Like, stop tweezing them altogether for 6-8 weeks.  

I’m a generally fuzzy human being.  No brow maintenance has been difficult for me. In the midst of my neglect, my eyebrows have taken on a life of their own.  I have almost no discernible arch remaining and tiny hairs are sprinting away to my hairline in fear of what may become of them.  

I’m spending the last hours of my 25th year as a common troll.

Aside from tomorrow morning signifying the beginning of The Year of the Brow, it will also be a day for complete and total relaxati0n.  To prepare, I woke up at 5:30 this morning and worked until this post was complete.  Because I’m at a point in my life where I can’t actually take a day off unless I’m going to agree to not sleep another day to make up for it.

I think that’s called adulthood.

Anyway, I’ve been celebrating my day of stresslessness by slowly eradicating awful, stress-inducing things from my life.   Today I even cleaned out my refrigerator and cupboards so that they didn’t sneak up on me in a week and cause a stroke.

I also quit my job.

You like how I just threw that in there?  All casual and whatnot with the fridge and the cupboards.

I am indeed headed to a spa tomorrow as a birthday celebration.  But the real gift I gave myself is walking away from a death-inducing job.  I’m so tickled I might pee myself during the spa celebration just thinking about it.

I would have much preferred to write about all the details surrounding that bundle of joy, but we’re not in the early 90’s anymore, kids.  If I’m going to write about my job, I’m going to have to put it in a tell-all book that will be ravishing enough to make millions – because I’ll never work again.  And I’m just not that confident in my following yet.

So hey: Happy Birthday to me.  I’m overtired, unemployed, and I look like a troll.

Sounds like I’m just a skip and a jump away from 30. 


31 Responses to “In This, the Passing of My First Life Quarter”

  1. teamzuhl July 11, 2012 at 10:25 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Jackie! And many more!


  2. Lori July 11, 2012 at 10:27 pm #

    Happy birthday, dear friend! Please take a before/after photo of those eyebrows for me.


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:30 pm #

      Thank you! And I believe you’ve received payment.


  3. Tara July 11, 2012 at 11:40 pm #

    First, Happy Birthday! Second, you finally quit your job! Hopefully you’ll find something wonderful and fulfilling in it’s place. Third, good luck with the eyebrows.


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:29 pm #

      Thanks, Tara! The brows turned out quite nicely, I think. It’s actually surprising how different it is. I appreciate the kind words for the job hunt. It’s certainly one of the worst things about being an adult.


  4. Michelle July 12, 2012 at 3:51 am #

    Happy Birthday! Oh my God, I nearly choked on my Rice Krispies when I read that you’d quit your job. I’m so happy for you. Life’s too short to hate your job.


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:28 pm #

      That would be terrible – thank you for not dying. And I agree.


  5. knotrune July 12, 2012 at 6:28 am #

    Happy birthday and congrats on being brave enough to move on from the dreadful job! Was it on a Tuesday that you quit? 😉


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:27 pm #

      Thank you! And no, but I really need to pull out one of those soon, don’t I?


  6. lexy3587 July 12, 2012 at 9:39 am #

    Happy birthday, and good luck with the new search for a new, less death-inducing job. The designed eyebrows will have employers lined up around the block 🙂


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:27 pm #

      Thank you! That’s really all I’ve ever wanted – for a potential employer to compliment my brow line 😉


  7. Katherine Gordy Levine July 12, 2012 at 10:53 am #

    At 75, I watch many of those I call YOOs, Young, Out of touch, Ones, and shake my head. But you my dear friend are a WO–a Wise One as opposed to my status WOO — Wise or Weary or Wacky or Wearisome OLD One. Happy, happy and many more and may all the happiness you spread with your wit return to reward you. Stay strong.


  8. beefhearts July 12, 2012 at 11:10 am #

    Happy Belated Birthday! I hope your day of relaxation was as glorious as you dreamed.


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:27 pm #

      It really was, thank you. Can I call you beef? I would really like to.


  9. Samantha July 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm #

    Happy birthday Jackie! Congrats on quitting…you are very brave, indeed. I hope that the search for the job you want goes well. That shock “throwing that in there” was quite effective as well. 🙂


  10. Lori July 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm #

    . Hope your day was as uneventful and stress-free as you hoped. Cheers to you on your decision to walk away from a job that sucked the soul from you! I’ve been there and while it wasn’t easy at times, the end result was wonderful. (I now have a job I l-o-v-e) I believe this will only lead you to bigger better things!


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

      Thank you. I’m determined to remain a not-serious person and it was just ruining all my plans. Here’s to a less serious Jackie.


  11. pegoleg July 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

    Jackie, really? You quit your job? There’s a reason everything happens, and it was sucking your soul out, so don’t worry. I just know you’ll find something much, much better. And you’ll face your new future with a face full of well-managed brows. Hang in there, girl!


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:25 pm #

      I thought you were going to scold me there, Peg. Thank you so much for the support 🙂


  12. Lori July 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm #

    Also, I forgot to say that it’s wise that you’re not writing about your job. You wouldn’t want to get dooced (


  13. Neysa July 12, 2012 at 5:27 pm #

    Happy Birthday,

    Don’t fret. I am also unemlployed, living in a strange new city and my eyebrows don’t grow. I would like your troll eyebrows, please. 🙂
    Congrats and good luck on finding a better job, we all know you will, or perhaps you can go full time with your blog


  14. mistressofpoetry July 13, 2012 at 1:26 am #

    I’m also looking for another job or at least a new location away from my soul-sucking current boss. Congrats on changing your life for the better!


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

      yeaaaah down with soul-sucking bosses. souls for the win.


  15. A Gracious Life July 13, 2012 at 6:31 am #

    Hey! Happy Birthday!

    “death inducing job!!!” That’s really hilarious. Congratulations for walking away from that! lol


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

      thank you – it was just the truth 😉


  16. Tammy July 15, 2012 at 7:38 pm #

    I’m so proud of you. Glad you finally are getting away from that soul sucking job. You have so much talent and so much of life ahead yet. I love you and know you will get another job you will love to go to this time around.


    • Jackie July 18, 2012 at 11:19 pm #

      oh why thank you mother dearest


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