I’m Living with a Terrorist

17 Mar

My cat is making me doubt my ability to be a good mother.

I sometimes think about killing my cat.

I’m having a really hard time dealing with my cat’s dependency issues.

She used to just be a very loving cat who would rub up against me to see if I was interested in her affection.  If she deemed it appropriate, she would launch into an all out love fest all over my lap, legs, feet – wherever she could maneuver herself for my attention.

But now she’s a monster.

From the moment I wake up, she’s there – staring at me.  She follows me into the bathroom, follows me from the shower to my bedroom, and from the bedroom to the door.  I used to think she did it because she was hungry, but every time I rush to feed her in the morning, there is still evidence of her meal from the evening prior.

Sometimes I get so creeped out by her watching me get dressed that I put her outside the door until I’m finished.

When I come home after work she goes into full attack mode, tripping me while I walk, lurking over me while I cook, and sometimes ramming her head into my hand so forcefully that I have actually spilled things on myself.   She’s insatiable.

I thought her new attitude was a symptom of loneliness.  I thought that perhaps I wasn’t spending enough time with her.  But regardless of whether I pet her for an hour straight and follow it up with a rousing game of “chase the laser” or I ignore her all day, she cannot be tamed.  I’ve fed her treats, massaged her, pet her nicely, pet her harshly, picked her up, taken her for a walk (yes, I took my cat for a walk), and let her lie on me even when it’s incredibly inconvenient.  None of it helps.  If I want to read something, I have to do it standing up or my book will get forcefully nudged out of my hand, and she will spend her time putting her body between me and the page I am reading.

She has been known to lie down directly on top of something I have in my hand as I read it.

At night I’m so terrorized by her that even when I’m not yet asleep, I slow down my breathing and fake it so she moves on.

I’m living in fear and I can’t take it anymore.  It’s a wonder I can even do a blog a day without her putting her litter-laden paws all over the keys and foiling my attempts.

Recently, I’ve been feeling slightly maternal.  I don’t know if it’s the soon-to-be-aunt in me or the ticking of my own biological clock,  but babies are starting to kind of grow on me.    But now I’ve got this insatiable cat and I’m starting to feel like my entire life revolves around her and her ridiculous requests and I just can’t do this.

I can’t be a mom if my cat is introducing me to what I can expect from motherhood.  I fear I may become violent. 

She stared at me like this the entire time I wrote this post. ...help...me.....

 

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379 Responses to “I’m Living with a Terrorist”

  1. ลดความอ้วน April 18, 2011 at 4:36 am #

    That picture looks like she’s saying, “You aren’t writing about me… are you?”

    Like

    • Jackie April 20, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

      Yeah. She’s super creepy.

      Like

  2. ลดความอ้วน April 18, 2011 at 4:39 am #

    Wow, it does sound like parenthood, only with fewer questions and less cooking. Good luck!

    Like

    • Jackie April 20, 2011 at 7:25 pm #

      lol thanks

      Like

  3. Emily May September 17, 2011 at 9:01 am #

    Maybe you should get her a pet diaper…

    Like

  4. Adrienne schmadrienne November 7, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    I am convinced one of my cats is a 7lb Freddy Krueger and the other one is trying to steal my breath while I’m sleeping.

    Like

    • Jackie November 11, 2011 at 12:59 am #

      LOL Glad I’m not alone.

      Like

  5. meinventing October 4, 2012 at 8:57 am #

    The look on the cat says it all! you’re it’s b@#ch 😉

    Like

    • Jackie November 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

      I know, it’s embarrassing how much she owns me.

      Like

  6. ntfcnicky March 5, 2013 at 5:51 pm #

    My cat does the same, he has a habit of walking across the keyboard if I’m typing instead of stroking him. I know how you feel!

    Like

  7. RO June 16, 2013 at 3:33 am #

    Hahaha I really laughed out loud when reading this post!! My cat is also pretty demanding but luckily he knows when to stop… Boys are down like that 😉 Girls get clingy..!!! 😉

    Like

    • Jackie June 17, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

      Boys only from now on. I mean.. it will be a while, but in like 15 more years that’s totally the policy.

      Like

  8. itsmeval August 13, 2013 at 11:55 pm #

    This is so funny..I don’t like cats ..really…but I can so relate..his name is Lionel

    Like

    • Jackie August 27, 2013 at 11:18 pm #

      It’s gotten worse. She headbutts me the moment I wake up. I’m having a really hard time not, you know, slaughtering her for her intensity of love.

      Like

  9. lifeconfusions September 25, 2013 at 4:05 pm #

    That made me laugh 😀
    By the way my cat does the same, that sitting on the book thing….when ever i am studying she sits right on the top of my page.

    Like

    • Jackie October 1, 2013 at 12:36 am #

      Why do they always have to lie down on the important things?!

      Like

      • lifeconfusions October 1, 2013 at 11:07 am #

        Haha..yeah exactly…I guess they don’t want anything more important than them 😛

        Like

  10. positivethinking13 November 21, 2013 at 9:46 am #

    LMAO and send to friends!! So funny! My cat even as we speak is knowing my wireless mouse to the ground for the third time, then right to walking on the keyboard then to ramming into my head. If nothing else we gotta love the attention. lol

    Like

    • Jackie December 5, 2013 at 1:07 am #

      If only it were possible to have attention without degradation.

      Like

  11. writerinsoul April 26, 2014 at 10:12 am #

    I hear you! I lived with a cat like that who wasn’t even technically mine. He wanted incessant attention and was displeased around the clock. He would get so underfoot, I’d nearly break something on my body when he tripped me and I was forced to fall in such a way so as to not land on and crush him. He’d get up on the back of the couch in order to watch me and complain while I ate dinner (how dare I not be paying attention to him?). Not only would he walk across my book or newspaper, he’d stick his tail in my face and eyes when he did so. He wanted me to literally carry him around at all times. He would force himself to STAY AWAKE in order not to miss anything. (What cat does that?!) The only thing that helped was throwing a blanket over him like people do with a bird in a cage when they want it to be quiet and go to sleep. Little cat. Cast BIG shadow.

    Like

    • Jackie April 27, 2014 at 9:40 pm #

      ahaha I love the blanket thing. Maybe there’s a genetic problem. We got bad models or something. I love her to death but my goodness sometimes I want to…

      throw a blanket over her. Yeah. 😉

      Like

  12. Claudia July 16, 2017 at 11:13 am #

    Found you through Mary J Melange and you are a riot! Glad to have found you! (I am a 2 cat lady too…)

    Like

    • Jackie July 19, 2017 at 11:56 pm #

      I’m so very glad that she connected us; thanks for poking around!

      Liked by 1 person

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Island of Misfit Pets | The Jackie Blog - July 6, 2017

    […] those of you who have been following along will remember, I recently lost one of the best cats to ever live. Top ten, she was. And when she passed, I got super sad and my remaining cat – a kitten – was […]

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