We’re 6 days into March and all I can think about is who will be March’s live geriatric star.
Listen, it’s really hard to be the one to have to say this. It really is. Because everyone is thinking it and no one is talking about it.
But it’s time. After Kirk Douglas’s display of confusion and incomprehensible babbling, I seriously think that maybe no one is going to say anything and maybe that’s why nothing gets done. So here:
Let’s stop asking old people do live television.
Did you see Kirk Douglas on the mess that was dressed as the Oscars last week? Hey – I understand that he’s an icon and that people feel honored and blessed to be in the same room as him – but there are a number of ways to honor someone. Let’s look into alternatives.
My heart ached for Dick Clark on ABC’s New Year’s Eve party. Aside from what seemed like a costant state of disarray, I genuinely could not understand anything the man was saying. I get it – he’s a legend. It’s because of him that the show even exists. But the point of being on television is to communicate a message to people. And if all I hear is vowels and lip smacking, nothing’s getting through.
You know what? Why not have their segment prerecorded? Or here’s a thought: subtitles. I think geriatric can be considered a strong enough dialect to warrant it and I really think that doing so will go a long way to helping them maintain their dignity.
So listen – can we just all work up the gusto together to say what needs to be said here before this gets out of hand?
Dick, Kirk – hey. It’s okay to stop. Really. We’re going to leave you be. ♣