Today is Emergency Underwear Day.
Occasionally, I will come across a pair of underwear that I purchase for their cute pattern or seemingly comfortable shape only to put them on at home and realize they are little cotton hell demons that gradually meander down my butt cheeks throughout the day.
I call those kinds “Butt Creepers”.
It’s really difficult to seem pleasant when greeting high level executives when you’ve got a bunched up ball of cotton lodged between your butt cheeks. No sense in pulling it back into place – it will only return with more fervor.
This is only one case study from my Emergency Underwear Supply. I’ve got a whole team of underwear I absolutely can’t stand to wear but refuse to throw out in case I’m really strapped and need a clean pair. By “really strapped” I mean I would rather wrestle cotton out of my rear end the next day than be forced to do a load of laundry.
Adulthood is a beautiful and challenging thing.
Some of the forerunners of the Emergency Underwear Supply include:
- A lacy nude thong I bought to eliminate panty lines when absolutely necessary. As it turns out, I would much rather sport a blatant panty line than floss my buns with a dainty strip of lace and pretend that it’s the least bit attractive. But if it’s floss underwear or no underwear, I’ll take the floss.
- A pair I grew out of when I got a little more junk in my trunk. If in a real bind, I’ll pour my butt lard into these but the result is a seriously unflattering quadruple butt cheek effect.
- Holiday themed underwear. I don’t want to talk about it.
- And a slew of the aforementioned “Butt Creepers”. Those are the absolute worst. They come in all different shapes and sizes and can hike up, scoot down, or creep into the crack. They are the ronins of the underwear world.
I’d like to think I’m not alone in this. I would really like to think that sometimes other people are grumpy because they really do have their Santa-and-his-reindeer-panties in a bunch.
Because today I am, and I do. ♣P90X Update: 8/90 complete. I feel like I wasn’t intense enough today, but I did it. I wish working out didn’t take so long to see results. It’d be such great motivation.
In response to yesterday’s questions on good sites to surf for pics, check out these fine and friendly folks’ response to my question on The Daily Post:
*Erica Johnson – Zemanta makes it easy to find copyright-cleared images for posts — right from your post editing screen