Last night I completed my second round of filing taxes by submitting the circumstances of Dave’s life – every financial detail I could remember of had record of – to the federal government, which I’m still not convinced is Constitutional.
Folks, this girl is done with her taxes. Awww yeah.
In this moment of glory, I’m feeling particularly wise. Humble sage that I am, I’ve decided to pass on a few tips to you to help aid you in tax filing success. Because let’s face it: you will get more frustrated from standing in line for 2 hours and then sitting for 2 more while someone else does them than you will get if you just stay home and do them yourself. So just stay home this year and behold the power of the magical Interwebz.
That’s right: straddle up, Sally. It’s time to do your own taxes – the semi-adult way. Here are a few tips to help you while you’re in the tax jungle:
♣ Put on Pajamas: Everything’s better when you’re in pajamas. Nestle up with a super awesome, preferably childish pair of pajamas. Pull on a onesie and button up your butt flap. If you can find a ridiculous pattern, please do. I prefer Mr. Bubble.
♣ Watch an Epic Movie: Taxes take perseverance. Harden your fortitude by watching a super epic movie first. Some suggestions are Braveheart, 300, The Last of the Mohicans, or pretty much anything that heavily features war drums. After watching William Wallace get publicly gutted, those W-2’s with earned income in two different states won’t be nearly as intimidating.
♣ Reward Yourself: No matter how old you get, you will never be above doing something for a cookie. So help yourself to whatever guilty pleasure you have. Vices of all kinds are recommended; curl up with your favorite mixed drink or three, or put your w-2’s in one pile and a big, fat, chocolate cake in another. How could taxes get any better than alcohol and cake?
♣ Track Your Progress: Since you probably have a lot of paperwork floating around, you should find a process for distinguishing the forms you’ve entered from the ones you haven’t. Personally, I prefer to do so with gold star stickers.
♣ Ignore Fancy Government Terms: Listen – “W-2” is just a fancy sounding term for a receipt from your checks last year. You don’t have to call it a W-2 if it makes you feel better. That’s just a totally uninventive term the government picked. If I could have picked, I would have gone with “gruggle”. …Or “moopie”. You can call it anything you want. The government wants to call it a W-2.
♣ If You Feel Overwhelmed, Relax: If you’re using a tax program featuring live chat or community boards, take a moment to scan them every once in a while. There’s nothing more self-assuring than screening the most recently asked questions and seeing “WHAT IF I HAD 2 JOB??!?!??!” – posted by HotMama_0814 @ 6:34pm. Reading over those intense grammatical nuggets will remind you that there is a whole slew of average Joes and Janes online trying to figure out this mathematical government puzzle.
So go. Because remember: right now, somewhere, someone dumber than you is filing their own taxes. ♣
P90X Update: 13/90 Days Complete. Alas, I failed to work out last night after my amazing feats of tax strength. So today I have to trade my rest day in to play catchup. Super lame.