Not the Momma

19 May

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Pretty much everyone I know is married, pregnant, or gearing up to become one of those.

I’m starting to feel like a fish pulling away from the school.  Even the hottest of the hot popular girls are settling down into low, protruding bellies and one-woman men (or so we hope).  I figure I’ll wait around a while.  Besides, when else in my life am I going to watch all the people who were gorgeous and skinny my entire life get all big and motherly?  The idea that somewhere right now, half the members of the prom court are wearing stretchy pants and pushing strollers is a dose of awesome I’ll drink down a few more times, thankyouverymuch.

Not because there’s anything wrong with that, but because it’s nice to know they’re human.

There is also something very strange about watching it all happen on Facebook.    As if the pressures of the mid-twenties (don’t laugh) aren’t difficult enough without the phenomenon of social networking making it possible to track every other person’s life in relation to yours.   My Facebook mini-feed is getting flooded with tales of motherhood, questions on pregnancy, complaints about pain in places I didn’t know could throb, and pictures of it all to boot.

I’m beginning to think leaving Facebook might be a good life decision right now.

You know it’s funny – I’ve always been kind of resolved to be a housewife and pop out babies and live like a little family nestled in a big, open house with a dog.  The dog is important.    But here I am at a time where everyone else is settling into homes, popping out little dependents, and swooning over their newlywed status and I’m in my apartment eating a grilled cheese at 9:00pm, playing video games and browsing the web next to my cats.

I also happen to be wearing stretchy pants but that’s neither here nor there.

Should I still choose to go the way of the baby/husband deal, I am more than happy to take my time.  After all, once you’ve got either of them, you’ve got them for life.  So what’s the hurry?   I’m not Amish and I’m not from the 50’s, so I think it’s a pretty good time for me to mess around in corporate America, enjoy my noisy apartment, and spend my time fantasizing about hiking the Appalachian Trail or going out every week to see what sort of nonsense I can get into so that I can blog about it.

The only hard part will be all my friends that are new moms telling me how incredibly rewarding it is and how I can’t really know selflessness until I’ve looked into the eyes of my child and all that business.  I’m sure it’s all lovely and true, but I’m not about to be pressured into being responsible for another human being.  I just got out of credit card debt for the first time in 5 years.  I’m not exactly gearing up to start investing in baby formula and tuition savings accounts.

And when I want to play with a baby, I can just call up either of my brothers.  Because in three months, I will be an aunt twice over.  

Aunt.  That sounds much better than mom. 



20 Responses to “Not the Momma”

  1. pegoleg May 19, 2011 at 9:52 am #

    I think I was more excited about being an aunt than being a mother. It was awesome!

    Motherhood IS the toughest job you’ll ever love, but no hurry. And if you don’t mind a suggestion, consider changing the order of your to-do list to husband/baby.


    • Jackie May 21, 2011 at 11:27 am #

      Yes, yes of course. Never shall I ever consider the other way around. So interesting that it came out in reverse though. I’m going to choose not to look into it.


  2. KristenSays May 19, 2011 at 10:01 am #

    i LOVE being an aunt! it is the best thing ever. you get to be the cool one they call when they don’t want to talk to their parents, and you don’t have to pay for their tuition. 😉


    • Jackie May 21, 2011 at 11:26 am #

      I’m so excited to be a confidant and enabler. haha


  3. thesinglecell May 19, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    I’m in my mid-30s, and have been doing the “everybody is having a kid” thing for so long I’m now on my second or third round. From me to you: if you can endure the first round, there are no more baby showers. Total plus. Fortunately, my friends are self-aware enough not to nauseate others with posts and coos. I’m happy they’re in a good place. We don’t share that place. I’m happy about that, too (thanks to Target – which I wrote about in a previous post). AND I’m the cool aunt to three absolutely darling little guys who adore me and drive their parents insane. Neener neener neener. In other words: g’ahead girl. Live before you get there. You’ll be glad you did, I bet.


    • Jackie May 21, 2011 at 11:25 am #

      I love this comment! And I loooooove boys. I want to have a house absolutely bursting with them someday. 🙂 Grats on being a super cool aunt. I aspire to join your ranks soon.


  4. Babydaddy May 19, 2011 at 11:06 am #

    Everyone should have at least one child in their life(and considering the population boom of the past century, perhaps no more than one for a while) but perhaps for now you should tackle that Appalachian trail of yours. Something tells me it will be a little more difficult to tackle your trail with a baby resting in your bosom. So perhaps your order of priority could be husband/Appalachian trail/baby?


    • Jackie May 21, 2011 at 11:24 am #

      I think I’m far sooner going to hike the A.P. than get a ring on my finger 😉


  5. Jules May 19, 2011 at 11:06 am #

    Children in their 20’s? Suckers.


    • Jackie May 21, 2011 at 11:23 am #

      LOL Jules 🙂


  6. Patrecia aka Misswhiplash May 19, 2011 at 12:20 pm #

    A Very wise decision Jackie, you have a lifetime to become wife and mother


    • Jackie May 21, 2011 at 11:23 am #

      Thanks, P! A lot of times I feel like waiting to do those things is considered to be selfish. There’s a lot of guilt and pressure surrounding decisions around this stage of life and I find that very odd. Thanks for the support!


  7. Nicki Mazzocca May 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm #

    I hear you.

    …and you watched the Appalachian Trail documentary on Netflix, didn’t you. …Yeah, I want to go, too.


    • Jackie May 21, 2011 at 11:22 am #

      Yes 😦 I did. lol


  8. caity May 21, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    I’m 20 and some people I went to school with have TWO kids. I can’t even fathom this. WHY WHY WHY. But yeah I totally stalk them on facebook to compare how much more fun my life is than theirs.

    Guilty 😉


    • Jackie May 25, 2011 at 4:26 am #

      thanks for making me feel not-so-alone (and creepy) 🙂


  9. The Hook May 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm #

    Plans are great, but fate steps in when we least expect it…


    • Jackie May 25, 2011 at 3:54 am #

      don’t curse me. I have no interest in curses. 😛


  10. Abby May 28, 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    I can definitely relate. Last year, there were 11 weddings and 13 new babies among my circle friends. When people ask me if I want kids, I say that I’m planning to be the cool aunt first, just as soon as one of my two married (younger) siblings decide to have kids. When they ask if I plan to get married, I just smile and joke that I have yet to like anyone enough to marry him. 🙂


    • Jackie May 31, 2011 at 9:51 pm #


      Don’t they know we’re overpopulated? We can take a break for a little while. 😛


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