I Think I’m Gonna Gag

21 May

Image is a genuine replica of the box laying before me. Courtesy of Da Yoopers Catalog - click the image to go buy your very own Lollipop Tuesday challenge.

Right now as I sit here, there is a box of crickets sitting on my coffee table, staring me in the face.

 Sour Cream and Onion, to be specific.

It’s there because Dave loves me and when he recently took a trip to Nashville just for the heck of it, he saw them and thought he’d do me a favor for a Lollipop Tuesday.   He was in Nashville.  He could have brought back boots, a country music CD, a butt cheek with a the smeared, faded signature of a country starlet, or a shirt that said “My boyfriend went to Nashville and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”.   But he remembered that I’ve been hunting for something repulsive to eat for one of my Lollipop Tuesdays (suggested by some of my not-so-easily-pleased readers), and lugged back a box of crickets.   That’s love.

I am petrified with fear.

I can just imagine their crunchy back legs rolling around in my mouth as I masticate them.  I can imagine their once-upon-a-time summer song.  The late nights I stayed in bed, happy to hear them causing a ruckus in my backyard.  I don’t know if I can do this.

Unfortunately, I think I’m going to have to.  I already have one Lollipop Tuesday I’m putting off until I “feel up to it”, which is the lovely poll I took a few weeks ago on whether or not I had to repeat my open mic session due to light attendance that particular evening. And because 51.16% of you are cold and heartless, you voted a do-over.    So that’s still on the to-do list.

The last thing I need in addition to my overwhelming guilt and fear to do another open mic is a box of crickets staring me in the face.

Dave says they’re like chips.  “Just think of them as little chips”, he says.  But they’re not chips.  They’re insects.  And I can see their eyes.

They’ll be staring into my soul while I sleep at night. 

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11 Responses to “I Think I’m Gonna Gag”

  1. wordsweneversaid May 21, 2011 at 10:22 am #

    O.M.G…

    That’s all I can say.

    M.L.

    Like

    • Jackie May 21, 2011 at 11:17 am #

      me too 😦

      Like

  2. Anthony May 21, 2011 at 6:53 pm #

    as I’m new I’ve no idea what lollipop Tuesday is however i will click on the link above and read about it, in the meantime is it cheating if i suggest erm rather than think of them as gummy bears and bite the head of first soup or erm shake might take the edge of the crunchy back legs? or may i suggest the not so easy to please readers grab a cricket and join!

    Like

    • Jackie May 25, 2011 at 4:27 am #

      Thanks for checking out Lollipop Tuesdays 🙂 I can’t imagine if I would have bitten the heads off first. grosssssss!

      Like

  3. wordsweneversaid May 21, 2011 at 10:40 pm #

    Umm…

    Just home from work here and wondering – uh – did you?

    *covers eyes*

    Like

    • Jackie May 25, 2011 at 4:25 am #

      😀

      Like

  4. knotrune May 23, 2011 at 6:11 am #

    Ewwwwwww!!!! Don’t do it! That’s just one step too far! Just chuck them in the bin and lie about it if you have to. Or better still just draw a line in the sand with the crickets on the other side of it and say that is your limit. There has to be a limit for what you will do for Lollipop Tuesday. I mean, if someone suggested being run over by a bus you’d refuse (I hope!)

    I just ate breakfast. I often read blogs while eating. So if you do decide you are prepared to do this, please put a warning on the title!!! But seriously – don’t eat them, they look so disgusting!

    Like

    • Jackie May 25, 2011 at 4:24 am #

      🙂

      Like

  5. The Hook May 24, 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    Waht a horrible/awesome gift! Enjoy!

    Like

  6. poemotions May 25, 2011 at 5:14 am #

    ‘They’ll be staring into my soul while I sleep at night.’ Truly fantastic. I love your endings. The other stuff, too, deeply, but your endings make me laugh out loud.

    Like

    • Jackie May 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm #

      haha thanks, Poe. I appreciate it. Finding buttons is hard sometimes, but it’s part of the challenge I guess. This whole blog-a-day thing is certainly making me a better writer, even if the topics or ideas aren’t all that fantastic each day. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

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