Yesterday someone at work asked me what my “email number” was.
It’s moments like those that make it incredibly difficult for me to resist the urge to bash my skull in with a stapler. In fact, I had a variety of taxing conversations yesterday that featured various displays of ignorance and stupidity. Throughout them all I surveyed the office supplies on my desk and daydreamed about how to turn them into lethal weapons of self-destruction.
When I have to say “T as in ‘Tango, A as in Alpha” 3 times and someone still manages to send an email to “T as in Tango, K as in Kilo”, I am fantasizing of a death by pushpin acupuncture. When I answer the phone with my name and department and the immediate question on the other line is what my name is and what department they have reached, I am drowning in a tub of ink, with a letter-opener stabbed into my heart. And when I have to play a voicemail 8 times to catch the number at the very, very end, I am testing man’s ability to fly by jumping off the roof with wings made out of post-it notes.
I’m having a difficult time managing my work anger.
I’ve considered a multitude of coping mechanisms. For example, I could install a program on my computer with random pop-up pictures of adorable baby animals. Because nothing brings me down from the rage I feel when someone emails me and then immediately calls me like a bowl of baby kittens.
But in the middle of my thought, a delivery guy came in with a bouquet from Edible Arrangements. I’ve always wanted to try Edible Arrangements (a bouquet made out of edibles – in this case, chocolate-covered fruit) and I’ve always always wanted to get something awesome in the mail at work. I assumed it was for my boss, but this time the peasant prevailed and I laid claim to the booty.
It was my loyal reader from this past weekend’s Battle of Bull Run, wishing me a Happy Lollipop Tuesday and thanking me for joining her. And suddenly all my anger disappeared. It had been replaced by chocolate covered apple wedges and grape skewers. I felt like a rock star. A blog star, if you will. And my problems were solved. I don’t need to injure myself with office supplies or have a baby goat screensaver. I just need daily gift deliveries at my place of work. Preferably chocolate.
So, you know. Feel free. ♣