The Great Poop Machine

7 Aug

I’m so in love with my new nephew.

I say that like I have an old one too.  I don’t have any but him. In fact, he’s the first baby I’ve ever had contact with under 6 months and oh my is it lovely.  Everything he does is just so darn cute.

So cute it’s made me late posting two days in a row.

It appears that when I have the choice between posting at my regular time and feeding, burping, and changing a baby, I choose the latter.  And it’s not because I don’t enjoy posting.  It’s because as it turns out, I really like babies.  At least ones that are related to me.  And absolutely everything my nephew does is cute.  When he cries, when he poops, when he eats: cute, cute, cute.

This is astounding news.  Back in the day, my blog featured posts about a variety of horrifying thoughts regarding babies.  I would include a link to an example of one such post here, but I’d really rather not lead you to it.  I was a much more… crass… writer then.  I didn’t want to go near babies.  I had no interest in them and even thought it would be funny to have a serial killer name called “Shake n Bake”. 

For the record, I no longer find that even remotely funny.

I must say that nothing could prepare me for how poopy they are.  I’ve often heard stories, but I thought they were just embellishments.  And as a master embellisher myself, I tend to keep an eye out for exaggeration.  But this baby is a great pooping machine.  At one point when his diaper was full, my mother and I went to change it only to find that he was still in the process – and would be for another 5 minutes while we sat there with him.  There were not enough rags, wipes, and washcloths in the house to handle that grand explosion.

The kid’s like a pasta maker: what goes in comes instantly back out.

I find it hilarious.  I really am tickled by all of it, which is why I was more than happy to be with him 10 hours yesterday, wake up unshowered, and hold him again until his parents came to pick him up.  …at which time I went to the store to buy adorable baby things. I thought I had trouble buying baby stuff before, but it was nothing compared to how bad it is now that we’ve been properly introduced.

It’s a good thing I’m headed back to my place in a few hours.  Because if I hung out long enough and laid around with the little bugger, I might never get a post done on time again.

Thank goodness I only rent him. 

I thought you might enjoy a visual.



6 Responses to “The Great Poop Machine”

  1. thesinglecell August 7, 2011 at 5:18 pm #

    Yeah, they got you. I have spent hundreds of dollars on my nephews without a thought. My one advantage is that I have lots of baby experience, so my resistance to the idea of babies is stronger than yours. I’ve been innoculated, perhaps. And trust me… you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Wait til that kid starts eating solid food. 🙂 Enjoy it, though… I believe there is nothing better than being an aunt. It’s all good, all the time!


    • Jackie August 10, 2011 at 12:31 am #

      I’m so excited 🙂 My other sister-in-law is due this week with a little girl. I CAN’T TAKE THE CUTENESS.


  2. wordsweneversaid August 7, 2011 at 6:34 pm #


    He does sound cute – and it IS kinda fun knowing that you can have the day and then send him home with Mom (I bet Mom enjoyed that break – I know I always thought it was nice to get one when I had babies at home)



    • Jackie August 10, 2011 at 12:30 am #

      I sure hope she liked it because I’m gearing up to try to do it a lot more often. 🙂


  3. Renee Mason August 8, 2011 at 4:19 pm #

    “Thank goodness I only rent him”. Very funny, Auntie!


    • Jackie August 10, 2011 at 12:25 am #

      🙂 Thanks, Renee. I actually really miss him. How am I supposed to just pretend he’s not 2.5 hours away bein’ all cute without me?!


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