We need to have a talk. A serious talk.
Yesterday I went to Petco and found these:
What on God’s green earth are these?!
There simply aren’t enough combinations of question marks and exclamation points to accurately convey how stupefied I am. Are there people actually putting these on animals? Because I assure you that this is not a joke. Petco had these prominently featured on an end cap. They come in a variety of sizes and feature several different types of disturbed, angry dogs on the front.
Look at that dog. Really look at him.
I think we’re starting to get confused. I do. Because there is absolutely no reason that anyone of sound mind could possibly put a diaper on a dog but that they are simply confused. And since I’ve taken it upon myself to educate America on these sorts of things, let’s review.
This is a child. It is a human being. It does not belong on a leash. If you have trouble keeping track of your child, I suggest you demonstrate a bit of authority. If you have complete control over your child and are simply concerned that someone will take off with him or her, I recommend holding his or her hand.
We use leashes on dogs because dogs don’t have hands.
There is no excuse for leashing a child and diapering a dog but delirium. Somehow our nations has just mixed the two up. Perhaps a series of recognition flash cards is in order. We could show folks a series of pictures of dogs and then a series of pictures of children. And then we can pose the big question.
Which one of these two figures is a dog and which is a child?
Winners will receive a pack of diapers (for humans, not dogs) and a leash (for dogs, not humans).
Apparently, there is a now a need for specificity in both those realms. ♣