Diapers and Leashes: the Surprising Need for Specificity

11 Sep

We need to have a talk.  A serious talk.  

Yesterday I went to Petco and found these:

double-u. tee. eff.

Let’s discuss.

What on God’s green earth are these?!  

There simply aren’t enough combinations of question marks and exclamation points to accurately convey how stupefied I am.   Are there people actually putting these on animals?  Because I assure you that this is not a  joke.  Petco had these prominently featured on an end cap.  They come in a variety of sizes and feature several different types of disturbed, angry dogs on the front.

Look at that dog.  Really look at him.

Look at the fear in his eyes.  The desperation.    Not even the drawn-on smiley face is enough to distract you from the deep, deep sadness.

I think we’re starting to get confused.  I do.  Because there is absolutely no reason that anyone of sound mind could possibly put a diaper on a dog but that they are simply confused.  And since I’ve taken it upon myself to educate America on these sorts of things, let’s review.

This is a child.  It is a human being.  It does not belong on a leash.  If you have trouble keeping track of your child, I suggest you demonstrate a bit of authority.  If you have complete control over your child and are simply concerned that someone will take off with him or her, I recommend holding his or her hand.  

We use leashes on dogs because dogs don’t have hands.

There is no excuse for leashing a child and diapering a dog but delirium.  Somehow our nations has just mixed the two up.  Perhaps a series of recognition flash cards is in order.    We could show folks a series of pictures of dogs and then a series of pictures of children.  And then we can pose the big question.

Which one of these two figures is a dog and which is a child?

Winners will receive a pack of diapers (for humans, not dogs) and a leash (for dogs, not humans).

Apparently, there is a now a need for specificity in both those realms. 

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26 Responses to “Diapers and Leashes: the Surprising Need for Specificity”

  1. whatimeant2say September 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

    I hope people will heed your words!

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:55 pm #

      What if I revolutionized America and put dog diapers out of business?

      That would be my contribution to humanity.

      Err… dog..manity.

      Like

  2. Erin McNaughton September 12, 2011 at 12:19 am #

    Hilarious! I also think doggie diapers and kiddie leases are ridiculous, pathetic, and entirely unnecessary.

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:54 pm #

      Thank you so much for sharing and for reading. I might also point out that though it’s a typo, I too find the idea of children with leases to be entirely unnecessary.

      Like

  3. jakennicksmomma September 12, 2011 at 12:31 am #

    I agree! I can’t imagine putting a leash on my child. Yeah, he is two and can run away, but I’m still faster. Oh yeah, and he isn’t a pet.

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

      There are a few arguments to be made for them but so far I’ve signed on to none.

      Like

  4. Emily May September 12, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    What. The. *Rudies*.
    Pardon my french, but seriously. I know I’ve lost my mind, but I haven’t got *this* deranged… Anyway, if I did decide to put a nappy on Hazel, she would do anything to stop me. I tell ya, someday rabbits will turn evil, and God save our souls if that were to happen.

    They better stop putting nappies on pets, or else they shall turn against us…Save yourself!

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

      a nappy 🙂 A NAPPY. Oh man, the post would have been so much better if I knew that word existed. Thank you.

      Like

  5. lexy3587 September 12, 2011 at 9:51 am #

    hah!
    ridiculous and terrible. The problem is that people with pets will buy ANYTHING if it is advertised as ‘for your pet’. I know this – I go into a petstore, and I feel the urge to buy my dog things that are beyond what any dog reasonably cares about at all. Clearly, he needs five colour coordinated leashes, 300 assorted balls and a dog bed the same shape and size as a couch with “Princess” emblazoned on it. But i resist, because I know he only chases one ball, his leash will end up greyish from being dragged in the dirt, regardless of what colour it was originally, and his favourite ‘dog bed’ is a 1′ square couch pillow that my 80 lb dog tries to curl up on at any opportunity.
    And, if i were to put a diaper on him, he’d leave a dog-shaped hole in the wall of my house and never be seen or heard from again 😛

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:44 pm #

      LOL love the last line.

      Maybe this is why all my million dollar ideas fail. I need to market to pet owners.

      Like

  6. misswhiplash September 12, 2011 at 10:38 am #

    It can only happen in America!

    Any English bloggers seen anything like this in UK?

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:44 pm #

      I was *so* hoping for some outside-America perspective on this! 🙂

      Like

  7. lunarmoth September 12, 2011 at 11:36 am #

    I am in total agreement about the diapers, but I beg to differ with regard to leashing a child. I almost lost my son to traffic at least 3 times when he was between 1 and 2; he was a slippery little thing, recklessly curious, with a mild developmental disorder. I finally started putting him on a leash and wrapped it around my arm; thus, I still have a living son today (he’s 23). I consider a leash as a very, very last resort, but it’s better than a dead child.
    Along the same lines, he also liked to run out of the house at odd times (including the middle of the night). He knew how to unlock the door, so we had to put a latch at the very top where he couldn’t reach it even if he stood on something.

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:42 pm #

      I have yet to find someone that agrees with the child but disagrees with the dogs. Hmm. 😉

      🙂 Thanks for sharing – to each his own, especially when with good reason. It will always seem a bit strange to me.

      Like

  8. thesinglecell September 12, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    Totally agree. No offense to parents who have needed to tether their children; I get how tricky those little urchins can be – I believe we had a coiled leash for my youngest sister at one time. Still, it troubled me.

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

      Hey I get it – there are always circumstances that warrant it – but yes. Always troubling. I don’t know that I’m ever really okay with it even if I’m understanding.

      Like

  9. Jules September 12, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

    Here’s one solution for people out there. Stop having babies. k thx

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

      Jules are you a baby hater?

      Like

      • Jules September 14, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

        Let’s get this clear before it spirals out ofcontrol. I don’t hate on babies. I just don’t like the idea of parents putting more burden on society by having one too many. In my line of work, I see it all the time. Its a vagina people, not a clown car.

        Like

        • Jackie September 15, 2011 at 12:52 am #

          Thank you for the genuine laugh out loud. I can only hope that I find an opportunity to use that clown car quote.

          Like

  10. Momma September 12, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    I never saw these doggie diapers. How strange. Could you see me putting one on Louie…haha…..I understand the leases for children. When we lived in California children were getting snatched out of parks and the parents were very close. I don’t like them and never used them but I can understand them….To each his own, I guess.

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

      Do it. That cat deserves it.

      Why can’t people just hold their kids’ hands?!

      Like

  11. The_Observationalist_NYC September 12, 2011 at 7:59 pm #

    My French Bulldog would not approve. I’ve seen those same products at the pet store, and *I* do not approve. My dog is house-trained. He knows where to do his business. He also knows where to have an accident, if it has to happen: the bathroom! I don’t know how I trained him to do this, but he’s quite comfortable making a mess next to the toilet.

    I’m THAT awesome as a dog owner, apparently.

    Like

    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 7:39 pm #

      I wish I could get my cats to puke in the bathroom. Or in the kitchen, even. Any room that doesn’t have carpeting is preferred. Figure out what you did and market it. I’ll buy.

      Like

  12. Taylor Alexander September 15, 2011 at 12:35 pm #

    The diapers for dogs are not so much for using them like we diaper a child, it’s more of – and I know this is gross – but well, female dogs can’t use a pad – so if she goes into heat before she is spayed, she has to wear a doggy diaper, so she doesn’t get blood everywhere.

    Like

    • Jackie September 16, 2011 at 11:34 pm #

      Thank heavens that SOMEONE was able to offer an argument for the dog diapers. Because I honestly couldn’t think of a single reason they’d be necessary.

      But then, I obey Bob Barker and always spay or neuter my pets so it didn’t even occur to me.

      *the More you knooooow*

      Like

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