The Scarecrow Conspiracy

19 Sep

I’m in a silent war with my neighbors.

Last weekend I spread autumn cheer all over my house and let a little of it leak out into the hallway in the form of a small, smiling scarecrow. I placed it just outside my door, facing the stairway that leads to the entrance of the building so that everyone who comes up the stairs will be sure to notice the cheery autumn greeting. 

The conflict

 

A few days later I left my apartment to find my little scarecrow turned around entirely, facing the corner as if he was being punished.   I thought it slightly amusing, turned him back around, and placed him up against the wall facing the hallway instead of the stairs.  I suspected that someone got creeped out by it staring at them (perhaps someone battling a fear of dolls or perhaps a crow battling a fear of scarecrows) and figured that changing the hallway coordinates of my autumn cheer would be helpful.

The next day I came out to find him exactly where I left him – but turned around.

It’s difficult to find the motivation.  Perhaps it’s really scaring the bejeezus out of someone.  Perhaps it’s just an impish little child playing with my mind.  Maybe it’s the girls in Apartment 19 upset because the girly scarecrow decoration solidified their hunch that hunky, charming Dave has a girlfriend.  

Mission complete.

Or maybe the entire building is conspiring against me.  Maybe they hate that I jumped the gun on fall decorations and they’re all working together to exhaust me of the scarecrow.  

I should go to the craft store, buy a bunch of autumn dolls, and stick them outside every single door in our apartment building.  The ones that are gone in a week are suspects.  I’ll start an investigative search and find the perpetrator.  And when I have him in my grasp, I will ask him whether it’s a fear of dolls or a fear of early decorating that has them at such odds with me.  

If it’s the latter, the punishment should be certain death.

No one who doesn’t appreciate autumn should be allows to live.  It’s the most glorious season of the year.

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32 Responses to “The Scarecrow Conspiracy”

  1. misswhiplash September 19, 2011 at 9:10 am #

    He is so sweet! How can anyone take a dislike to such a lovely fella?

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 11:02 pm #

      That’s what I’m sayin!

      Like

  2. egills September 19, 2011 at 9:37 am #

    Ok, in my sick twisted British mind his hat looks like a dunces hat so maybe they’re just standing him facing the wall like a naughty boy should…..

    You have Autumn decorations?

    He does look kinda cute though – maybe you should set him up with a nanycam inside him so you can catch them red handed 😉

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 11:01 pm #

      Of course I have autumn decorations. Is that an American thing?

      A CAMERA! Yes I shall rig a camera. Beautiful haha

      Like

      • egills September 22, 2011 at 11:26 am #

        I googled autumn decorations and yup it’s an American thing, but it makes sense because you have Thanksgiving which is probably a bigger thing than Christmas for you?

        Like

  3. Lori September 19, 2011 at 9:53 am #

    Sam’s mom is very particular about books on a bookshelf – she likes all of the spines to be lined up. When Sam’s sister was younger, Sam’s mom would always know when his sister was upset with her because she would push all of the books on the bookshelf so they no longer lined up. Maybe someone is just being passive aggressive with you.

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 11:01 pm #

      I love learning what people are particular about. Humans are so funny.

      Indeed perhaps someone’s being a butt. It could even be Dave for all I know. But I did recently add a cornstalk to the scene and it seems to have made a good impact.

      Like

  4. wtfhappenedtomyreallife September 19, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    It is such a charming cute little scarecrow…why would anyone want to mess with it? That is craziness. I hope you catch the culprit. Fall Rocks!!!

    Love and light,

    Lucky
    http://www.victimnomore.wordpress.com

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 11:00 pm #

      Well there are a few folks who agree he’s creepy. I blame the hall lighting. Maybe I should change out our hall lights for a warmer, better ambiance. 😉

      Like

      • wtfhappenedtomyreallife September 22, 2011 at 10:45 am #

        Ooh good call…Maybe put in some of those pink bulbs to soften the atmosphere. 🙂 You could totally go all creepy on them and replace the bulbs with black lights. Then you would probably catch the culprit changing out the bulbs 🙂

        Like

        • Jackie September 25, 2011 at 9:56 pm #

          What a fantastic Halloween treat that would be!

          Like

  5. pegoleg September 19, 2011 at 11:01 am #

    You could use those shelves outside your door to really load up on seasonal bric-a-brac and drive your tormenter around the bend. Or you could turn him around yourself, but put a halloween mask on the back of his head.

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:58 pm #

      I’d love to use those shelves for something useful but unfortunately my lazy mailman just uses it to throw mail onto that he doesn’t care to sort into our boxes. I’d have to sift for my Netlix DVD in a sea of Indian corn and gourds.

      I love the halloween mask idea. I feel like I should have been smart enough to think of this. WHY. WHY AM I NOT SMART ENOUGH.

      Like

  6. Jules September 19, 2011 at 12:17 pm #

    Ok first off, that last picture looks absolutely @!$*ing creepy. I’m not sure whether it’s that lighting combined with the grainy filter and that not so innocent simple. Like something out of a b-rated slasher film. Brrrrrggghh

    Like

    • Jules September 19, 2011 at 12:19 pm #

      **innocent smile** typo

      Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:57 pm #

      It’s the poor hallway lighting, I swear. He’s cuuuuute. I added a cornstalk… maybe that will help. Bwahaha

      Like

  7. thesinglecell September 19, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

    Hmmm… so those pictures look like a Blair Witch storyboard, but I’m going with it and I’m kind of liking the idea of putting them all over the building in front of everyone’s doors. Or, failing that, you could draw/craft another face on the back of your little guy’s face so when whoever the culprit is turns him around again they’ll see another face and scream and run and you’ll hear them and run out and catch them.

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:56 pm #

      I blame the poor lighting in the hallway for the Blair Witch effect. You and Peg both suggested the face on the back of the head – why did I not think of this? Brilliance!

      Like

  8. Bridgesburning Chris King September 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm #

    He does rather look like he’s lurking! I think it is just the great pumpkin playing tricks on you!

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:52 pm #

      Can you enlighten me as to what, exactly, the great pumpkin is?

      Like

  9. Porcelain Ulairi September 19, 2011 at 3:13 pm #

    I think it’s the fact that as you walk up the steps, you are surprised to find a tiny man standing there. Just looking at you. With that slightly creepy smile. And it makes you wonder what the heck his problem is… so you gently turn him around.

    Not that I would know or anything. I love fall too much to be frightened of a scarecrow.

    🙂

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

      Well I’ve recently added a nice cornstalk beside him so maybe that will help take the creep factor away and establish a setting lol

      Like

  10. Samantha September 19, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

    He’s adorable! I would feel bad if it is actually someone with a legit fear of dolls…but it’s so cute! Haha.

    Not going to lie, I laughed a lot at the upset girls in Apartment 19. Awesome. 😀

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:49 pm #

      I sometimes wonder if they’re down there brooding. Sometimes I feel a distinct brooding emanating from the halls. 🙂

      Like

  11. lsawyer713 September 19, 2011 at 9:00 pm #

    It is a cute scarecrow, although, I can see the dislike of fall as it turns quickly to winter. I really dislike winter. Fall does get all the bad rap though because it is the season that is right before the season that is disliked by many…

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:35 pm #

      Ohhh so maybe they’re projecting their hate for winter onto my innocent little scarecrow’s face. Got it.

      Like

  12. whatimeant2say September 19, 2011 at 9:11 pm #

    I don’t think it’s your neighbors. I’m pretty sure the scarecrow is turning himself around just to mess with you.

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:35 pm #

      in that case, I’M freaked out by him.

      Like

  13. pickle September 19, 2011 at 10:38 pm #

    If I lived in your building, let’s just say your scarecrow would be dressed up like say….a jedi…Harry Potter…a ninja…a jail bird…a spy…a dinosaur……………………

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

      oh man that would be great.

      I almost made a “move in” joke, but I guess that’s creepy for both of us 😉

      Like

  14. kaylabug311 September 20, 2011 at 1:05 am #

    I just wanted to let you know that I love reading your blog and I wish that I could aspire to something like this. I thought I might try revamping the appearance of my blog and reread/edit some of my already posted posts to recreate/develop a style. I was just wondering if you have any ideas, comments or advice? Other than that keep on doing what you do best: bringing a smile to my face everyday.

    Like

    • Jackie September 21, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

      Hi Kayla. No, I prefer Bug. Hi Bug. You seem to have two concerns here – one is the appearance of your blog and the other is developing a writing style.

      For appearance, you can check out some of the different themes that wordpress offers and pick one that allows you change the colors and features several widgets (so that you can control what goes in your sidebar). If you want to get serious on it, you can pay $30 per year for the CSS editor and change your fonts (super easy) as well. That makes a big difference in letting you decide how your blog looks even if you never want to do any serious CSS work.

      For writing style, I suggest writing every single day. Every day. Just write and see what comes out. You don’t have to post it necessarily (but it’s a good way to hold yourself accountable!) but definitely write somewhere every day. Just try to write like you talk and see how it comes out. Sometimes you’ll find that it flows quite nicely when you don’t fuss with it at all. If it doesn’t, just write as much as you can until you are done saying what you have to say and then go back over your work making adjustments and editing things to be more clear. Think about what it is you want people to feel or think when they read your words and ask yourself how you can convey that in the words you use, the way you structure your sentences, and the images you present.

      If you want to get academic about it, there are lots of tips you can find by googling “finding your writing voice”. take the advice – keep what works, toss what doesn’t. Good luck!

      Like

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