I can’t turn my brain off.
I want to make it relax. I want to just numb it with some stupid programming or with some mindless game, but I just can’t stand the thought of wasting that kind of time.
This is unlike me, and it’s frightening.
I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but it all started when I got on Twitter. I know, I know – I dedicated an entire post to my dislike and inability to understand Twitterage. But one day it all clicked for me, and now I adore it.
What I like about Twitter isn’t that I can follow people’s trivial updates and opinions; I don’t much care for that. I prefer to follow news sites and special interests. I prefer to follow people that inspire me. Don’t get me wrong; I’ll follow a few friends here or there; but I’m not checking my feed for them. I’m checking my feed to feast on information.
I’ve been without television for about a year now. I made a conscious choice to be without it because it made me lose all faith in humanity (Come on – Jersey Shore, celebrity challenges, dumb luck game shows, Desperate Housewives (of the real or unreal variety) – what exactly am I supposed to be watching?). The only shows I cared to watch were few, far between, and usually on premium channels. And then what’s the point of going through all the hassle of trying to schedule around shows that I want to watch when I could just Neflix them or watch them online? That way I don’t even have to waste time with commercials. Television is incredibly inefficient.
My point is that I don’t get the news because I don’t have TV. And I’m not really the kind of person to open up three different news sites each morning to catch up with what’s going on in the world. So I got on Twitter and followed News Sources – and got my fix in small, limited updates that had links to articles if I want to learn more. No commercials, no fuss, and no information I don’t want to have to wait through for the good stuff. It’s beautiful.
The problem here is that I seem to have started a chain reaction in my brain. I can’t stop soaking up stuff. I’m clicking links and reading articles like mad. I’m constantly blabbering on about what I read most recently and I have very little patience for mindless talk when I could be chatting about what’s going on in the world. Today I considered listening to books on tape and listening to Podcasts on my walk home from work so that I can learn things while I can’t be at my computer learning things. It’s spiraling out of control. I’m constantly looking for the next fix. I’m not content to sit in one place alone with my thoughts when I could be making to-do lists and conquering goals and reading about the world and soaking up information.
You know that part in The Fifth Element where Leeloo is soaking up all the information about human history at the computer while eating an enormous bowl of instant microwave chicken? That’s me. Except for the hair. And the super awesome body. And the instant chicken.
I need to turn off my brain. I can’t even make it go to sleep anymore. I have to stay up so long that I beat it into submission. I suppose this is a good thing. Essentially, I’m reading a lot more than I ever had and I’m kind of getting addicted to it. That’s pretty cool. But on the other hand, sometimes all I want to do is sit down and veg out and I can’t find the off switch.
Maybe this will go somewhere amazing. Maybe I’ll turn out to be a well-informed individual that makes good, sound political decisions, knows what the state of our nation is, and keeps up with all of the stories that are shaping our time. Maybe I’ll start listening to some crazy awesome podcasts that make me a specialist of some random topic that inspires me.
Or maybe this is just a phase and by the end of next week I’ll be back on StumbleUpon every day and my Twitter account will go untouched.
Either way is a win I suppose. Either I get to be smart or I get to sleep.
No one can have both. ♣