The Domestic Twitter War

5 Oct

In a startling act of technological prowess, David has joined Twitter.

I’m not really sure why.  He didn’t even tell me about it.  He just, you know, tweeted one day to no one but himself and then casually texted me later to ask me if I saw it.

Of course I didn’t see it; I didn’t know he was on Twitter.

Nonetheless, I was excited to see him join another network I’m on (even getting him to maintain his musician page on Facebook is quite a daunting task) and was hoping it would be something he could get into.  But once I arrived, I saw his profile picture was an egg (the default for a Twitter newb) and that he had tweeted once…and only once…for two weeks. 

Today he excitedly asked me if I saw his Tweet again.  Of course, he didn’t really call it a tweet.  He called it a twitter.   And as much as I’d love to mock that somehow, I adore David and am choosing to take the stance that it’s all a bunch of made up mumbo jumbo anyway so who cares if he uses the term we’ve all agreed to use?

I still snickered at him.

Today’s tweet was something about how he was going to reverse his memory loss by devouring our almost-dead rosemary bush.

Some of you may remember that quite a few Lollipop Tuesdays ago, I attempted to fashion an herb garden in my dining room window.  I ended up sending Dave for the trappings I needed and in the excitement of the herbal additions in the house, he bought an enormous rosemary bush.

It was completely useless for the purposes of my Tuesday experiment, but hey: the man loves his rosemary.

Anyway they’re all dead now.  The whole lot of them.  By week one my mint dried up and died so completely that it simply fell to the carpet in defeat. By week 1.5, the parsley had turned completely brown and tired of life.  Week two brought no firm hope for the cilantro, which reached and reached for sunlight and happiness but simply couldn’t seem to get enough.  The basil clings for life still, in spite of his dead friends hanging by sad, dark threads beside him.

The rosemary bush, 5 times the size of the other herbs and not even a victim of my experiment, was dead by the second day.  Cause: overzealous felines.

So today David was sitting around, apparently worrying over his failing memory, looked up ways to fix it, and resolved to devour the plant.  Or what the cats had left behind of it anyway.  And using the new form of social media at his fingertips, tweeted this desire.

To me: his only follower.

I find this oddly charming.  He has created an account, isn’t following anyone, and hasn’t told anyone he’s on so no one is following him.  For now it’s like he’s shouting out to me from a corner of the Internet that anyone can hear but only I know to listen to.   I informed him of this today and he is highly amused by the idea of tweeting only to me. 

I suspect he’ll start to use it for fun household games, like telling me the trash needs to be taken out or asking me what’s for dinner each night.  Of course, he could do the same thing via text but it’s slightly more harassing and hilarious when it’s high profile.

I have a variety of retaliations in store for such an occurrence.  I’m not above creating another Twitter account just for nagging. This could be the beginning of a beautiful and entertaining war.  

I’ll be taking Twitter name suggestions all day. ♣    


20 Responses to “The Domestic Twitter War”

  1. veehcirra October 5, 2011 at 9:15 am #

    He called it ‘twitter’ hahaha sorry I really had to laugh at that one!


    • pegoleg October 5, 2011 at 10:25 am #

      What’s wrong with that? Something tells me I’m not qualified to help on this topic.


      • Jackie October 9, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

        Follow that intuition, Peg.


    • Jackie October 9, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

      He did it again in the car yesterday. “See? These are the kinds of things I should be Twittering”.

      Laughed my butt off 🙂


  2. thesinglecell October 5, 2011 at 10:42 am #

    I work with people who have been known to call it a… well… substitute an A for the I in “twit.” So calling it a twitter would be just fine with me; I always thought “tweet” sounded bad for men anyway.


    • Jackie October 9, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

      LOL twitter is surely better than the alternative you presented 🙂


  3. Sandra October 5, 2011 at 10:46 am #

    This is so sweet and funny!


  4. Marylou October 5, 2011 at 12:04 pm #





  5. Jules October 5, 2011 at 12:18 pm #

    Calling it a “twitter”. Bahahaha. That’s golden.
    Kind of like some grandparent talking to his grandkids about video games in general.

    “What are you doing? Playing with that mario fellah again?!”

    Also, the herb garden died? How do you…. I don’t even…. whaaaat?


    • Jackie October 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

      he did it again in the car yesterday. “See? These are the sorts of things I should be Twittering.”

      And yes, the herb garden is a goner. I told you – I suck at it.


  6. Erin McNaughton October 5, 2011 at 2:33 pm #

    That’s too cute! 🙂


  7. whatimeant2say October 5, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

    What a 21st century romance you have!


  8. Neil C. Reinhardt October 5, 2011 at 9:13 pm #





    • Jackie October 19, 2011 at 9:27 am #

      Hi Neil,

      You always get thrown into my spam so I have to weed through, find you, and approve the comments. I don’t check my spam often so there’s usually a significant delay between the time you post and the time it shows up 🙂


  9. mistressofpoetry October 5, 2011 at 11:30 pm #

    I don’t know what it is about cats and rosemary. I was growing rosemary outside once, and had outside cats, who all decided to use it as a litter box for some reason, even though they had the entire outdoors to choose from. Go figure. Perhaps I’ll have to grow the next batch from a large hanging pot outside somehow.

    P.S. I like “Jackie’s Revenge”, as suggested by Marylou. Too funny!


    • Jackie October 9, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

      Really?! That actually sounds like a great way to help cut down on the smell 😉


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