Beyonce Makes Me Doubt My Womanhood

11 Nov

I feel like I would be more of a woman if I could gyrate like Beyonce.

We all feel this, right? It’s not just me.

I’ve been watching the Single Ladies video over and over again in awe.  I mean, I’ve seen it before – who hasn’t?  But I saw something or other for a recent video of hers, which inevitably led to Single Ladies sidebar suggestion, which inevitably led to me questioning my womanhood.

Take a moment.  Really, take a moment and just look at this madness.  Remind yourself of your inferiority.  Listen, you don’t have to watch the whole thing.  Watch from 0:51 – 0:58.   7 seconds is really all it takes to start doubting your femininity.  (If you’re a reader of the male equipping, you can just go ahead and enjoy it.)

Honestly, how does she even do that? I’ve seen women who can dance and then I’ve seen this detaching of the pelvis and whipping it around in circles.  It’s amazing.

Dave asked me last night why I was continually watching it and what exactly I was looking for.  Once I spotted the sequence, I shouted excitedly so he could come witness the magic.  He said, “what, the hip thing?”

“David.  That is so much more than ‘a hip thing’.”, I said.   “She’s swinging her pelvis around like it isn’t connected to anything else.  And then she just gets up and keeps whippin’ around.  It’s madness, I say.  MADNESS.”

Perhaps this is the reason he is with me.  He’s unaffected by the pelvic magic. The Beyonces of the world have no hold over him.  Which is a mighty good thing since I’m completely uninclined. In fact, I took a Modern Dance class my sophomore year in college just to challenge myself and smacked my head off the stage floor in the final.

There was an audience.  A fairly large one.

I got an A.  She noted in my final evaluation that I had great stage presence,  which is fantastic because I also had two left feet and an overwhelming inability to sense my surroundings.

I’ll admit that this past week I looked up a few YouTube videos with workouts that mirrored this sort of woman beastiness. I looked pathetic.  Also, the women in the videos are wearing very little so I also did a lot of feeling badly about myself while I jiggled.

So kudos to you, Beyonce – your hips have the power to make women doubt that they’re really women.  That’s a powerful quality indeed.   You keep on keepin’ on.  

I’ve got some weeping and jiggling to do. 

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19 Responses to “Beyonce Makes Me Doubt My Womanhood”

  1. Mr.Tod A.Parker November 11, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    I always knew B was corrupting the moral values of the world. Now I have proof, . Very Funny!!

    • Jackie November 22, 2011 at 12:52 am #

      She is. DOWN WITH HER!

      Who am I kidding, she’s not going anywhere anytime soon while she can move like that.

  2. Jules November 11, 2011 at 11:26 am #

    Oh man I totally know that feel. Obviously not hip gyrating related but George Clooney movies makes me feel inadequate as a man. ;_;

    • Jackie November 22, 2011 at 12:51 am #

      George Clooney? Ryan Goseling.

  3. paulbeforeswine November 11, 2011 at 11:26 am #

    Hmm… there’s nothing more womanly than a seemingly-unattached swinging pelvis!

    • Jackie November 22, 2011 at 12:49 am #

      I know, right? 😉

  4. thesinglecell November 11, 2011 at 11:54 am #

    My not-yet-four-year-old nephew sings this song. And does part of the dance. (Not that part.) So…maybe not entirely about womanhood? Maybe more about flexibility of connective tissue? I dunno. You are woman! I hear you roar!

    • Jackie November 22, 2011 at 12:49 am #

      LOL Wow. Well. Way to make me feel even worse by saying a not-even-toddler boy can pull this off.

  5. wordsweneversaid November 11, 2011 at 4:30 pm #

    I can do the dance – and love the song – but I am now to the point where I would rather watch than participate in the wild gyrations…

    He didn’t put a ring on it and I found better things to do with my time.

    *sweet smile*

    M.L.

    • Jackie November 22, 2011 at 12:47 am #

      haha love the line 🙂

  6. whatimeant2say November 11, 2011 at 11:25 pm #

    Have you watched the Glee version where the football players sing it? Not exactly womanly, but surprisingly good…

    • Jackie November 22, 2011 at 12:46 am #

      I’m not really a Glee kinda gal. But I’ll watch it because I like you.

  7. yeyexu November 13, 2011 at 4:35 pm #

    If my belly-dancing classes enable me to do this in the near future, I will be very happy.

    • Jackie November 22, 2011 at 12:40 am #

      Don’t break yourself.

  8. egills November 14, 2011 at 9:59 am #

    Ha, if I tried that I’d dislocate my hips well and truly!

    One of my old friends can move in ways I’m totally in awe watching 😦

    • Jackie November 22, 2011 at 12:34 am #

      I trust that by old you mean “from the days of yore” and not elderly. If I’m wrong, major kudos to your senior friend for in-tact hips.

      • egills November 23, 2011 at 6:41 am #

        Oh yes and she’s much younger than I am

  9. pegoleg November 14, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

    Beyonce has extra woman parts she hasn’t even used yet. Not fair- she should share with the rest of us, relatively-femininish-non-siren-types.

    • Jackie November 22, 2011 at 12:29 am #

      I know, but I don’t think we have anything to offer her for them even if she’d give them up.

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