Sometimes I Like to Drink Naked in My Lobster Suit

27 Feb

Well, I can no longer take all the fat on my stomach and smoosh it together with my hands to create an enormous pouch of jelly.

So that’s nice.

For those of you unacquainted with my fatness, allow me to introduce you to Project Fat Ass 365, wherein yours truly has committed to work out every single day of 2013 for at least 20 minutes. For someone who just posted last week about how all her dreams could come true if she were allowed to make money to lie in bed and do nothing while NASA pokes and prods her for the betterment of society, working out is kind of epic.

So I’m two months in and I have a bit of a confession: I skipped a day.  For one entire day I didn’t do anything workout related. I tried to make up for it by doing two Jillian Michaels workouts back to back the next day and then going for a jog.  If you know anything about Jillian Michaels workouts, I hope you see that this was a worthy punishment.  At any rate it made me feel terrible enough to never want to have to do it again.

I’m glad I got that off my chest.  I hope we’re still Interwebz friends.

I’m starting to finally notice some pretty nice byproducts of exercise, primarily the aforementioned lack of a kangaroo pouch full of lard.  I also went to an interview recently only to find that my smallest tool costume ( AKA office clothes) don’t stay on my hips, which is both exciting and annoying because I’m currently riding a steady wave of poverty. 

It would be more cost effective to buy 4 bags of Doritos and keep the pants I have than to invest in smaller pants. Fact.

But alas, I made a pact with myself and made it public, so I shall trudge on. Let us not forget that it’s been four years since I’ve been in a body of water at summertime for fear of my own spectacularly thunderous thighs.  I wore cardigans all summer long because I’d rather sweat than vex others with the sight of my flappalicious arms. If I sat on furniture, I would reach for the nearest pillow and place it over my stomach so that others couldn’t see the pile of pudge that would shift forward to rest on my lap like a lard kitten. It would be really nice to not have to do those things anymore.  If I keep trucking ahead and let Jillian Michaels yell at me for just twenty minutes a day, I might actually throw on some arm floaties and jump in the deep end this summer.

Not to mention run that 10K that’s looming over me in September. That’s a killer. Why did I say I’d do that?

A typical day in my apartment with my fatness.  And my cat. And my lobster suit.

A typical day in my apartment with my fatness. And my cat. And my lobster suit.

For those following along at home, I frequently tweet about my hatred of Jillian and all things pudgy on myself, so you can click the fancy button on the right to follow me on Twitter.  Occasionally I will check in with progress in my weekly posts, but for the most part I would rather spend this time focusing on the nuances of human behavior and society that make me want to board myself up in my apartment and never leave.

That’s been the tradition around here, anyway.

I’ve been courting the idea of a contest here on the bloggity blog.  It’s been quite some time since I’ve raffled a t-shirt or offered a gift card for various input. Except this time, I wouldn’t ask for Lollipop Tuesday ideas or macaroni and cheese recipes; I would challenge you to attempt a Lollipop Tuesday yourself or to do something every single day for one month to compete for a prize.

I’m not sure if this is a way to motivate you to go outside your comfort zone or a way to motivate me to keep doing what I’m doing.  Either way, we all win – yes? 

But before I put all that effort into things, let’s do a little market research. Let me know if you’d be interested in participating by answering the two snazzy surveys at the bottom of this post, and if you have any thoughts, ideas, or objections, feel free to spam the comment section – especially if you have a suggestion for a prize that would motivate you.  Be reasonable; suggestions for iPads will be scoffed at.  As you know by now, I love and adore each and every one of your squishy little brains and never let a comment go unreplied to.  

So take the survey, leave a comment, and/or follow me on Twitter to harass me with tweets like “run fatty, run!”  It’s not mean; it’s motivation.

Sprinkles and Puppies,



35 Responses to “Sometimes I Like to Drink Naked in My Lobster Suit”

  1. Aaron J. February 27, 2013 at 3:10 pm #

    CHALLENGE: Try to cook/bake something new every day for a month.


    • ML February 27, 2013 at 6:14 pm #

      That would be expensive.


    • Jackie March 13, 2013 at 10:17 pm #

      It would indeed get expensive. But to each his own – I probably won’t dictate the specifics of the challenge – everyone would be left to his / her self to consider what a good personal challenge is. I like this one for myself though. Maybe next year will be a series of 30 day challenges…


  2. lookingforward2012 February 27, 2013 at 3:15 pm #

    I would just like to say that the picture of the naked lady in the lobster suit is magical and disturbing. Like a car accident full of unicorns.
    Good job on being less fat.
    I have been taking such terrible care of myself that I’m now at the point where stress makes me break out into an itchy rash…made worse when I read that in order to itch less, I must have less stress.


  3. crankycaregiver February 27, 2013 at 3:21 pm #

    This is a funny and great post. I really enjoyed it!


  4. myirrelevantramble February 27, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

    I’m far too lazy to work out. In fact, for lunch I had a salad (yay!) followed by approximately 4 serving of black raspberry ice cream. It’s so bad! Even my cats think I’m the lazy one!
    But I strayed from my point….which is to take your broke ass to Savers. Hopefully you have one local. It’s a neater, more organized Salvation Army for people like me who spend all their money on ice cream! Don’t hate me for this part. Please. But I just had to do the major shopping for new clothes because I lost like 25lbs. Eating ice cream? Not quite. I got the flu in November. And stopped birth control. The two together made me lose weight & it hasn’t come back. (I’m still confused about it, but I will take it!) Only problem is that NONE of my clothes fit! I spent $40 at Savers and got a bunch of new-to-me clothes! Yay!!


    • Jackie March 5, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

      Savers? Never heard of it. I’ll keep an eye out! Grats on the weight loss, whether it’s due to being sick and getting off the pill or not – if you’ve kept it off, it counts!

      btw, I’ve always been curious how getting off the pill would affect my weight. My doctor assures me that being on it is better than being off and dealing with PMDD… but sometimes I’m oh-so-sure that getting off it would be an easy 10 pound drop.


  5. Jules February 27, 2013 at 4:53 pm #

    Missing a day or two due to obligations is fine. Try not to cram workouts to punish yourself or catch up on what you missed. It’s easy to fall into this trap, I’ve done it before. Anyway, I think you learned your lesson.

    Just keep in mind that scheduled rest days are integral to any exercise routine. Think of it as your body’s weekend off. Kind of something to look forward to at the end of a long workweek.


    • Jackie March 5, 2013 at 1:39 pm #

      I certainly did learn the lesson. And I’m taking my rest days according to when I’m supposed to – but I go for a 20 minute walk just to make sure I keep moving. Skipping a day altogether is dangerous for me. I’m an all or nothing kinda gal 😉


  6. geeloubee February 27, 2013 at 5:04 pm #

    Hi I replied yes/yes to both the above however, I am 26wks pregnant and counting at the moment so doing something like skydiving would be completely off the radar for me. But I should challenge myself to do 20 minutes of exercise a day or at least something along those lines.


    • Jackie March 5, 2013 at 1:38 pm #

      Well it would be entirely up to each reader what they choose to do – I would set down some basic criteria to make it fair, but far be it from me to pick the thing you work on for 30 days. And grats on the little one inside! 🙂


      • geeloubee March 5, 2013 at 2:07 pm #

        Thank you! 14 weeks to go and counting. Can’t wait for the 30 day Challenge, would you like a link back to your post/blog when starting the challenge as I would probably be posting about it daily just so other people can work along too? 🙂


        • Jackie March 13, 2013 at 10:20 pm #

          Well I’m not the sort of girl to turn down a link back 🙂 I will certainly encourage people to post about their experiences. That’s half the fun 🙂 I look forward to seeing what you do. Big announcement for the rules is up next post. Stay tuned!


          • geeloubee March 14, 2013 at 1:39 pm #

            I shall indeed! 🙂 I have told a couple of people about your lollipop Tuesdays and think it is an awesome way of pushing yourself to do things you otherwise wouldn’t do!


          • Jackie March 20, 2013 at 11:51 pm #

            Well thanks! It’s funny how hard it still is for me to get out and do daring things. You’d think I’d be a pro by now. 🙂 I’m looking forward to seeing what you try for The Gauntlet


          • geeloubee March 21, 2013 at 10:07 pm #

            We had a few laughs at you eating the cockroach was it? But I love the LONG list of things you’ve done. You really should be proud of all you’ve achieved. I bet every time you think you can’t do something you just look at your list and think YES I CAN and thank you. I shall be tweeting it too 🙂


  7. ML February 27, 2013 at 6:19 pm #

    Grats on the workout success! I agree with an above comment about giving yourself time off, though. Honestly, doing 6 days on and 1 day off is better than burning out halfway through.

    I also agree with a different comment above about going to thrift stores for dress clothes. Take a small road trip to one of the rich suburbs (The Berry or The Fox) and go to the Good Will there. It can be a gold mine.

    Also we should hang out. Remember that time we were going to hang out? Well my life blew the hell up on Feb 1 and hasn’t really calmed down at all yet. So I apologize about not getting back to you. 🙂 We should hang out, and I’ll tell you all about it.


    • ML February 27, 2013 at 6:21 pm #

      Turns out by “above” I meant “below” because this puts the latest comment on top.

      I am successfully spamming your comments.


    • Jackie March 5, 2013 at 1:37 pm #

      Rich folk Goodwills – fab idea. Yes to hanging out – and I understand re: being busy.

      And no worries about burnout – on the days I’m supposed to rest according to Jillian, I rest by going for a 20 minute walk. 🙂


  8. Dyl February 27, 2013 at 10:29 pm #

    A few weeks ago, I Lollipop Tuesday-ed it up…and I blogged about it!
    It was a fun thing to give a go. Next time, I am definitely wearing a floppy hat


    • Jackie March 5, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

      You were so unamused by your tea experience! What a great idea – I love it. 🙂


      • Dyl March 6, 2013 at 1:03 am #

        Well, I’m not really a dainty, finger sandwich kind of person, but that was some dang good cocoa! It was definitely a good time


  9. girlstayingsingle February 28, 2013 at 5:38 am #

    Reblogged this on Girl Staying Single and commented:
    I’ve never considered the investment comparison of Doritos vs pants. I like it. A lot.


  10. knotrune February 28, 2013 at 8:40 am #

    I voted yes to both, but depending on the challenge. Obviously it would need to be something I am capable of doing, so not climbing a mountain or running, well, any distance actually. Also one person’s lollipop is another person’s, erm, chocolate bar or something. I mean, public speaking is something outside most people’s comfort zone, but I rather enjoy that, so it would need to push that envelope. But I have done that too, like speaking in a foreign language, or singling without accompaniment! If we can set our own, with some agreement about what is actually challenging to each person so it is fair, then I would be well up for it and it sounds great! 😀


    • Jackie March 5, 2013 at 1:34 pm #

      Everyone would certainly set their own. There would be some sort of criteria, of course – it would have to be something that scares you/that you’ve never done before, etc… Surprisingly, the 30 Day Challenge is in the lead. Apparently my readers kick ass and are up for doing something every day for 30 days more than trying one scary thing for just one day. I’m impressed 😉


  11. pegoleg February 28, 2013 at 5:31 pm #

    I believe you MEANT to say “Sometimes I like to drink naked in my lobster suit… with my cat. And some fruit.”


    • Jackie March 5, 2013 at 1:30 pm #

      Yes, yes…well heaven forbid I get a TLDR comment from the title alone 😉


  12. donofalltrades March 6, 2013 at 2:55 pm #

    You’re a strange gal. Well, strange sounds harsh. You’re a bit of a goofy gal! In a good way though! Thanks for the smiles.


    • Jackie March 13, 2013 at 10:04 pm #

      Strange isn’t harsh. I don’t mind a bit. 🙂 Thanks for reading!


  13. soliddrop March 7, 2013 at 10:39 am #

    Reblogged this on A Writer's Thoughts..


  14. debblogs March 9, 2013 at 11:10 pm #

    I can relate — hilarious post.


    • Jackie March 13, 2013 at 10:02 pm #

      that’s relieving 😉 Thanks for reading!


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