I Am Adult; Hear Me Roar.

13 Mar

Tonight I had a bit of a chocolate craving and I didn’t want to give in so instead I went out for frozen yogurt and then bought 5 bags of M&Ms and ate 3 of them.

It happens.  I don’t like it, but it happens.

I still have to do the last day of Level 3 from Ripped in 30 tonight, so right when I’m going in and out of Table Top and my triceps are screaming bloody murder and the pot of jelly I store in my belly is rattling around on top of my human table, I will certainly regret this.

Oh, and there’s a string cheese wrapper right beside me too, I just realized, so I guess I ate that too.  I must have trance-chomped that to death. Add that to the jelly pot as well.

Roar.

Roar.

I’m having one of those days where I don’t want to do anything but I have a lot to do so I only pick the things that are fun and leave the rest “for later”.   That means that in a few days when I’m really under the wire, I’ll slam out all the things I have to do like super woman and then retire to play video games as a reward until I pass out in a pile of my slobber and Doritos crumbs. When I wake, I will question my ability parent another human being in the future.

For example, I needed to do laundry today. Like, really needed to.  Like, wearing my last pair of even remotely acceptable underwear needed to. Tomorrow I’ll have to wear a skirt and keep a no-underwear secret all day, fashion a new pair out of some scrap fabric, go to the store to get more underwear, or go out tonight after Jillian Michaels, get cash from an ATM, go to the store and get quarters, and then come home and do laundry.

Instead of doing any of those things, I’m watching Pretty in Pink. Poor Molly Ringwald and her thrift shop taste. If she only knew that a few decades later, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis would validate her opinions on secondhand clothing and rich schoolboy Blaine’s friends would find her quirky and cool in a topical sort of way.

I also need to do the dishes.  I’ve been neglecting them for so long that they are starting to develop a funk. I will continue to neglect them until I am unable to feed myself without first washing dishes. Then I will curse my childish ways, wish I would maintain a stricter dishwashing regimen before they get overwhelming, and again question my ability to parent another human being in the future.

My days are full of self-doubt. Underwear and clean dishes and trying to eat less than 5 bags of M&Ms a day: adulthood is a high calling.

Well, now I’ve put it out there.  I’ve just pushed it into the magical world of the Interwebz and now I look like a big, unambitious sloppity slop.  I feel all accountable and whatnot.  So here it goes – I’m going to close this laptop, do Jillian Michaels, get so angry from my jelly belly and her constant yelling in my face that I take out my rage on the tower of dishes in the kitchen, and then I will clean the house until I find enough quarters in the cracks and crevices of my hermit nest to do a proper load of laundry.  

And tomorrow I will wear my clean underwear and eat off my clean dishes and rub my less gelatinous stomach in pride.

I am Jackie. Hear me roar. 

P.S. I’ll soon announce the details of the 30 Day Challenge or the Lollipop Tuesday challenge for you all to take part in. I’ll also announce a prize related to said contest. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go here to read more and vote on which adventure you would prefer. Polls close soon.  Try not to pee yourself with excitement. If you have any questions, I’ll be in the kitchen.

 

 

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15 Responses to “I Am Adult; Hear Me Roar.”

  1. LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? March 13, 2013 at 10:19 pm #

    Story of my life. We refuse to do dishes until both sinks are overflowing, and then when we do, we realize that the dishwasher is full of dirty dishes, too, so then we have to wait for that to finish, then wait a couple more days while we just use dishes straight out of the dishwasher. So when we finally get everything settled, the dishwasher is again full of dirty dishes, and there are all new dirty ones in the sink. Yeah. And don’t even get me started on the laundry…scary.

  2. donofalltrades March 13, 2013 at 10:26 pm #

    Good for you for finally getting off your butt. My last exercise attempt ended with a single bench press followed by me eating a whole bag of red hot chips and several pinwheel cookies. I could feel the fat multiplying as I sat in the couch.

    • gorillarobot March 14, 2013 at 9:26 am #

      Pray tell, what are red hot chips and where do they rank as compared to flamin’ hot cheetos?

      • donofalltrades March 14, 2013 at 9:34 am #

        Red Hot Riplet Chips? Oh man, they are awesome! They’re often associated with the poor, black parts of St. Louis for some reason, but I think they’re great nonetheless. Maybe they’re only distributed in this area though, now that I think about…And I’ve never had flamin’ hot cheetos. I’m pretty happy with the original cheesy ones…am i missing something?

        http://oldviennallc.com/vienna/red-hot-riplets/

    • Jackie March 20, 2013 at 11:58 pm #

      I love the picture of fat multiplying while you sit there. It’s a a beautiful thing.

  3. angloadventure March 13, 2013 at 11:41 pm #

    Screw being an adult. I’m just so tired of all the stuff that sucks away my precious time. Work and then… more work
    However, I like to break it all up with a pound and a half of mini eggs.

    • Jackie March 20, 2013 at 11:58 pm #

      mini eggs. like mini robin eggs? like the hard candy shelled milk chocolate (and recently dark chocolate) deliciousness? because if that’s what you mean, they’re amaaaaazing.

      and if it’s not, well, then… *cough* sorry.

      • angloadventure March 22, 2013 at 10:30 am #

        YES, I haven’t tried the dark chocolate ones. But they’re truly amazing.

  4. pegoleg March 14, 2013 at 10:20 am #

    You make grown-up look good, Jackie. Carry on.

    • Jackie March 20, 2013 at 11:56 pm #

      ahaha thanks Peg.

  5. Wazeau March 14, 2013 at 12:55 pm #

    You are not alone; been there and will be there again.

    • Jackie March 20, 2013 at 11:55 pm #

      Can I just say that I was very pleased to see a photo of an overly large cat on your blog? And those shawls you make are so lovely. And getting let go from a job is certainly scary but it’s wonderful that they gave you such a big heads up and I hope whatever the next chapter is for you is a lovely one 🙂

  6. imperialglance April 7, 2013 at 11:37 pm #

    lol. I understand that feeling and sometimes fall under the temptations of junk food myself.

    • Jackie April 10, 2013 at 10:53 pm #

      Damn. I’m reading this after having downed a bowl of ice cream. And two lollipops. Ugh.

      • imperialglance April 11, 2013 at 10:43 pm #

        lol. I think I might have a small addiction to chips because I’m thinking about getting some as I read this post.

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