I think I should shake things up and get a pig.
You know, just a little cute one. Some kind of stunted-growth pig. An around-the-house pig. A pig for all occasions.
There are a few features about a pig that I think we could benefit from. For example, security. My cats do nothing for the security of my apartment. While a pig doesn’t offer much in the way of badass mofo-ness, it will certainly confuse an intruder. Perhaps it will make him consider what other kinds of freaky animals I’m hoarding in the house. Or maybe he’ll just find it so darn adorable that he will be unable to take anything from the pig’s home out of guilt.
My pig will also eat scraps from the table, thereby reducing our garbage total each week.
I could also teach it all sorts of tricks. I would try to invest in teaching it things that are a blend of around-the-house tricks and great party tricks. I was at a get-together this past weekend in which one couple brought their dog. I brought cake and pie, and they brought a dog, which was basically our entertainment for the evening. So on that note, my pig is a money-saver if I bring it along to house parties. Apparently we can just bring animals into other peoples’ homes if they’re cute enough. I reckon a pig is cute enough to get me out of baking, shopping, and entertainment-hunting.
Granted, in light of my recent transportation situation, perhaps a pig purchase is not the most responsible thing I can do at this point in my life. But if I consider the long term savings (garbage reduction, party animal, cost-effective apartment security), and I do my best to find a free one, I think I can make it happen.
I don’t know how it will get along with the cats, but they could use a good bit of sprinting around the house anyway. Look at that! A cheap workout routine for the felines as well.
All things considered, this is a solid, responsible, adult decision. Perhaps I shall go pig hunting after work. ♣
I would bathe him. Frequently.
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