The Pig Plan

24 Oct

I think I should shake things up and get a pig.

You know, just a little cute one.  Some kind of stunted-growth pig.  An around-the-house pig.   A pig for all occasions.

There are a few features about a pig that I think we could benefit from.  For example, security.  My cats do nothing for the security of my apartment.  While a pig doesn’t offer much in the way of badass mofo-ness, it will certainly confuse an intruder.  Perhaps it will make him consider what other kinds of freaky animals I’m hoarding in the house.  Or maybe he’ll just find it so darn adorable that he will be unable to take anything from the pig’s home out of guilt.

My pig will also eat scraps from the table, thereby reducing our garbage total each week.

I could also teach it all sorts of tricks.   I would try to invest in teaching it things that are a blend of around-the-house tricks and great party tricks.  I was at a get-together this past weekend in which one couple brought their dog.   I brought cake and pie, and they brought a dog, which was basically our entertainment for the evening.  So on that note, my pig is a money-saver if I bring it along to house parties.  Apparently we can just bring animals into other peoples’ homes if they’re cute enough.  I reckon a pig is cute enough to get me out of baking, shopping, and entertainment-hunting.

Granted, in light of my recent transportation situation, perhaps a pig purchase is not the most responsible thing I can do at this point in my life.  But if I consider the long term savings (garbage reduction, party animal, cost-effective apartment security), and I do my best to find a free one, I think I can make it happen.

I don’t know how it will get along with the cats, but they could use a good bit of sprinting around the house anyway.  Look at that! A cheap workout routine for the felines as well.  

All things considered, this is a solid, responsible, adult decision.  Perhaps I shall go pig hunting after work. 

I would bathe him. Frequently.

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28 Responses to “The Pig Plan”

  1. mistressofpoetry October 24, 2011 at 9:39 am #

    A miniature pot-bellied pig would be absolutely adorable! I’d love to have one myself, but the landlord says no indoor pets and I wouldn’t dare put one outside.
    Good luck finding one for free. Maybe you could name him Wilmer. 🙂

    Like

    • Jackie October 28, 2011 at 12:02 am #

      I’ve got plans for intricate cobweb designs as well 😉

      Like

  2. susanlowestrickland October 24, 2011 at 9:40 am #

    I have about 10 feral hogs I can offer you. Unfortunately, they’re not cute, nor are they pink; they won’t offer security, because they’ll eat You; and if you try to take one to a friend’s house, you’ll be shot on site.

    Like

    • Jackie October 28, 2011 at 12:01 am #

      LOL well they meet none of my requirements but I’m oh-so-glad you shared.

      Like

  3. Old Jules October 24, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    Susanlowestrickland must live somewhere in that country across the fence from me. I’ve been wondering where all those feral hogs around here originated. If you don’t want one of hers I could offer you a good selection. But as she’s said, you’ll find they aren’t friendly. And they’ll eat the cats.

    Like

    • Jackie October 28, 2011 at 12:00 am #

      Ah yes – definitely in the market for the non-feral kind.

      Like

  4. Seasweetie October 24, 2011 at 12:17 pm #

    I think this is a fabulous idea. I have always loved pigs and secretly yearned for one just as you describe. A runt, perhaps, that I can nurture. Do let us know how pig shopping goes – it sounds like a perfect Lollipop Tuesday activity – going to look for a pet pig.

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:59 pm #

      lol you’re right – it would be! I’m sure I can scrounge up something back home for free (Central PA) but what I really need is a piglet that stays piglet-sized. Rumor is they’re expensive. Maybe I can keep it on my wish list for when Dave gets rich and famous and we move to a modest house with a huge yard 😉

      Like

  5. Jules October 24, 2011 at 1:01 pm #

    I grew up on a pig farm. True story. They’re pretty cool animals. Can’t help but love their frequent grunting and wet noses.
    As a child, one thing that was etched onto my mind was the sounds pigs make come slaughter time. It’s the kind of sound that pierces your mind even if your fingers are knuckle deep in your ears. It wasn’t pretty.

    On the other hand, if kids in America were exposed to this experience, I think it would be a positive effect on our culture. It’s a one of a kind experience to know exactly how that pork chop gets to your plate. Maybe people would stop wasting so much food and develop some respect.

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:55 pm #

      I think a lot of the issues America faces right now are a result of being so separated from the food that makes it to our tables. Hear, hear!

      Like

  6. jakennicksmomma October 24, 2011 at 1:48 pm #

    Maybe you shouldn’t use the term “pig hunting” for your search for a pet pig…hehe

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

      I googled this, thinking I’d unknowingly said something naughty, but found nothing. Confusion has set in.

      Like

      • jakennicksmomma October 28, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

        I just imagine someone with a shotgun looking for some dinner.

        Like

        • Jackie November 2, 2011 at 9:49 pm #

          LOL oh, oh yes. Definitely not the best terminology with that image attached.

          Like

  7. pegoleg October 24, 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    If I’m going to the same party as you, I’d rather you brought the cake and pie, as opposed to a pet. But if you buy a really big pig, you and your fella can ride it to the party.

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:50 pm #

      I laughed out loud at this at work. 🙂

      Like

  8. thesinglecell October 24, 2011 at 6:14 pm #

    Will you also get a spider that will spin webs containing words that describe your perfect pig? Please study up on the laws about possessing such animals, so as to avoid the Ohio Situation of last week. Lord knows you need something positive, though! Perhaps a donkey as mode of transport. Or a camel.

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:50 pm #

      haha yes. Yes. LOVE the donkey idea. I feel like a camel would require too much maintenance. Actually, aren’t both stubborn? I should just get a pony. Yay ponies!

      Like

  9. Momma October 24, 2011 at 7:22 pm #

    Well if you decide you want one your Dad and I passed a sign this past week saying piglets and chicken eggs for sale. We know just where to take you. lol

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:49 pm #

      okay but I need a teacup piglet. A lil guy I can bring on the road with me 😛

      Like

  10. whatimeant2say October 24, 2011 at 10:58 pm #

    I TOTALLY think you should get a pig. Can they be trained to use litter boxes or doggy doors? Just wondering…

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:49 pm #

      maybe I could be a world class pig trainer. Maybe that’s my true calling.

      Like

  11. knotrune October 25, 2011 at 6:08 am #

    The smaller the pig (as a grown up pig!) the more expensive it is. But totally cute! 😀
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1218472/The-700-teacup-sized-pigs-latest-celebrity-pet.html

    I saw a pet pig on TV which had been allowed to sleep on the bed as a piglet, but was now fully grown and about the size of both its owners put together, but it still slept on the (heavily reinforced after being broken) bed with them! Pigs are smarter than dogs and better at computer games.

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:48 pm #

      oh. my. goodness.

      Those pigs are SO CUTE. Awwwwwwwwwwwww.

      I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Seriously, how adorable. They’re even smiling in one of the pics 🙂

      Like

  12. Marylou October 25, 2011 at 7:25 am #

    Please do not tell Sean of your plan. He’s been trying to convince me to get a pig for at least a month now.

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:47 pm #

      I actually ripped the post idea from something he said 😉

      Like

  13. JWo October 26, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

    When Savannah was a puppy we once had a little girl come up and say… “Can I play with your pig?”

    So maybe you could just get a bulldog, although they prolly drool more than pigs do. haha…

    Like

    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:13 pm #

      That’s adorable 🙂

      Hate dog drool. Hate it. *shudder*

      Like

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