Hey. Happy Lollipop Tuesday, folks.
You know, I don’t have a whole heck of a lot to say this week. Mostly because my hands are sad, cramped little things that are wondering why I submitted them to this torture. And also because I’m kind of in shock that after years and years of wanting to do this, I finally sat down and had the patience to properly carve a pumpkin without hacking it to little bits.
Because up until this year, that’s really all that happened.
But alas, I have a blog now. And I’m slowly acquiring patience like a disease. Lest we forget, last week I did a Rubik’s Cube. A Rubik’s Cube! And so this week I wanted to see if I could hang in there for 4 hours and celebrate fall with a big rearended pumpkin with holes cut in it in celebration of falling leaves. I even carved little teeth. TEETH! I carved them and skinned them and shouted with glee.
But before I celebrate fully, allow me to mock the stupid instruction manual that came with my “carving kit”. Which, by the way, I got at the grocery store. Not the best bet for quality squash mutilation. Indulge me so much as to allow a direct quotation:
Step #1: Choose a favorite Stencil & detach the black perforated areas. Step #2: Attach Stencil with tape. Step#3: Outline the Stencil with a black marker, Poker, or Tracer. Step#4: Carve your pumpkin with the Carving Tools. Step #5: It was so easy with this Stencil Kit.
I’m sorry, what?! I’ll go ahead and ignore the fact that I paid $5.99 for a bunch of crappy plastic “tools” that couldn’t be bothered to label what each is and what it’s best used for. And hey, I’ll even completely overlook the fact that a truly helpful kit (with book attached) might take a little more time spreading out the action in Step #4 with a few tips or tricks for the beginner.
But what on God’s green and wonderful earth is Step #5? Not a step. The answer is that it’s not a step.
STEP NUMBER FIVE IS THAT IT WAS SO EASY WITH THIS STENCIL KIT?!
That’s a reflection. That’s an opinion. That’s a narrative for a little cartoon of a child carving a pumpkin. It might be a nice final frame without the term Step#5 attached to it.
I shouldn’t have even bought the kit out of principle.
Anyway, after I came down off my angry box and got out my tools, I took lots of deep breaths and continued to do so for about 4 hours until I produced this:
Which, I have to tell ya, is better than any darn pumpkin I’ve ever attempted in the past. I’ve always wanted to sit down and take the time to make a cool pumpkin that I see on the Interwebz but I give up after cutting the top off and throw it far away from me so I don’t have to look at its enraging orange skin anymore. But this year is the year that changed it all and I can finally die knowing that I’ve given a pumpkin a fair chance at being super cool.
As many of you know, Dave shares in my Lollipop Tuesday adventures, and I’d just like to take a moment to give you a juxtaposition of our two artworks:
He’s so much more laid back than me. Look: his even has a tongue. It’s adorably happy.
Any by the way, I know I’m jumping the gun a bit on the Halloween fun, but we’re really given such a short amount of time to embrace such a fantastic holiday that I don’t feel even a tinge of remorse. In fact, you should carve a pumpkin too.
Happy Fall ya’ll. ♣
The Jackie Blog 