Larry, the Lump-Necked Giraffe

8 Jan

Oh man, I haven’t even been blogging for a full week yet.    Is it possible that I’ll find something worth babbling on about every single day for another 359 days?  Yeah, probably.  I mean, as long as the world continues to harbor such great inspiration for mockery (e.g. Sarah Palin, the Sun Chips bag recall, my disgustingly obese cats) I think I’ll be just fine.  Onward.

I’m incredibly ill today.  Turns out that I probably should have called off work this past week because by the time I made it to UrgentCare this morning, I was a pretty big mess.  Suffice it to say that my left tonsil is so huge that it hurts to move my neck. 

I keep thinking of ways to use this for the good; maybe I can use it as inspiration for a cartoon character – perhaps a giraffe that leans to the right and is shunned in social situations involving cooler, straighter-necked giraffes.  Or maybe I can just turn myself into a circus act.  Hey – with my developing Bikram Yoga skills, maybe I could contort myself into some kind of killer pose that accentuates my newly acquired neck tumor.  Then when Point Park sends me that damn theater alumni survey, I can finally check the box that indicates I am supporting myself solely by working in my field.

But alas, my illusions of carnie grandeur and children’s book author fame were nipped in the bud by a fancy pharmaceutical concoction called a Z-Pack. 

I must admit: I had absolutely no idea what a Z-Pack was until today.  Probably because the last time I had health insurance, it wasn’t one of the best-selling antibiotics in the world.   Back in my day, you had to take a whole bottle of antibiotics to get better -none of this 5-days-and-we’re-done stuff.   I suppose a shout-out is in order for President Obama.  Like him or not, the man got me healthcare.  And I’ve been working full-time ever since getting out of school, so keep your ignorant assumptions about me deserving to pay an average $250+/visit in your mouth please. Thanks.

By the way, if you think other people should be able to have affordable healthcare, you might want to speak out against the potential repeal.  Or even get involved.  Think about it.  Otherwise you might have a lot of up-and-coming children’s book authors and sideshow starlets that you’re not prepared for, America.

And so my weekend shall be spent indoors and unshowered, in the company of my overly obese cats and my PS3.  Well, actually, that’s how all my weekends are spent.  It’s just that this time it appears I actually have a reasonable excuse. ♣

P.S.  As promised, I’m actually, like, doing things to the site.  Check out the new “About” tab above and the ability to rate a post.  Stay tuned for more exciting changes to come.  I will be a force to be reckoned with.
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