Kitty Cocoa Puffs

21 Jan

Those look like Cocoa Puffs. I wish my cat barfed Cocoa Puffs.

 

Of all the days to barf on my coat, why did my cat have to choose today?  It snowed, for Pete’s sake.

I suppose I brought it on myself.  I should have hung it up.  Inevitably, when my jet black peacoat is left out on any flat surface, my obese felines only have two options: 1) take up residence on it, leaving a thick fur trail as evidence of their shifting during their nap  2) barf on it.

This morning, it was the latter.

You know, for a moment I had some kind of a sick satisfaction about it.  Because about a week ago, I bought a Groupon for drycleaning services and today’s event proved it was a wise investment.  

But it’s the gatling gun effect that really gets me.  You know, the gatling gun effect: walk-stop-barf, walk-stop-barf.  The first pile of kitty krunch an owner finds is seldom alone.  It’s joined by a series of other unfortunate incidents which are scattered around the house  and must be carefully and thoroughly sought out for fear of the dreaded puke-in-the-toes.  Sometimes this is a result of a hard-to-reach hairball in the deep recesses of their kitten throats.  Sometimes, they just like to take a leisurely stroll while they puke.  Like it’s no big deal.

And so I suffered in the harsh, cold winter air of the city today.  Let it be known that when faced with the choice between barf-stained coat or no coat at all, I will take the high road.  

I just wish that my cats had a little more consideration for me.  After all I do for them, this is how they repay me.

I sound like a wounded mother.

And you know what? Maybe I am.  I can name without effort numerous occasions where my cats have shown a blatant lack of respect for me.

Like the time I came home from a weekend vacation and found that the bamboo jar on the entertainment center had been knocked over and onto our new television, sending it into a poltergeist-like flurry of unstoppable channel flipping, volume adjusting madness.  A chunk of fur was found in the vase and submitted to the court as the incriminating evidence. 

And then there are the times that they dash into the refrigerator when I’m thinking about what to eat and absolutely refuse to come out unless by brute force.

Or last night, even.  Hobbes claimed the coffee table as his own and systematically began pushing everything out of his way: magazines, coasters, cups, controls…  As a final act of defiance, he pushed the candy dish off. It fell to the ground, spilling a pool of foil-wrapped wonders all over the carpet, which my other cat, Lola, proceeded to spastically bat around the living room. They’re an unrelenting tag team of terror.

But there are little things they do on occasion that make them absolutely irresistable.  The belly-up pose in the living room, the taking-up-residence-in-the-bathroom-sink, the frequent visits to my lap and assault on my hands as I curl up to relax, and (my favorite) the adorable cat nap that inspires a human nap.   Surely, the ultimate win for my crazy cat lady antics is being able to curl up to a warm kitten, forget all my worries, and drift off to sleep.

Until I wake to the sound of its regurgitation.

 

So some of you were grossed out by yesterday’s post.  And understandably so. U.U.S.S. is an unfortunate and unpleasant reality for millions of suffering Americans.  And I promised you the hope of a more pleasant post today.  …But it has just now occured to me that I posted about cat barf.  I’m deeply sorry for this oversight.  Perhaps tomorrow I’ll write about freshly laundered linens and rainbow sprinkles.
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11 Responses to “Kitty Cocoa Puffs”

  1. Zenalicious Mommy January 21, 2011 at 10:08 am #

    Hysterical! My fav cat puking story is when I fed mine onion dip and then he barged it back up in my husbands yankees hat. Heh

    Like

    • Jackie January 22, 2011 at 1:19 am #

      LOL He must have been furious. I’m surprise the cat’s still alive.

      …is it?

      Like

  2. Tara January 21, 2011 at 11:02 am #

    Lol! I love that you feel justified in your groupon!

    Like

    • Jackie January 22, 2011 at 1:20 am #

      Do you use Groupon, Tara? It’s AMAZING! I started writing a post about my uncontrollable love of it but it sounded like I worked for them so I trashed it haha

      Like

  3. paulbeforeswine January 21, 2011 at 2:24 pm #

    I feel your pain:

    http://paulbeforeswine.wordpress.com/2010/12/16/wild-versus-domestic/

    My worst cat experience was about four years ago. I went to go pick up my girlfriend-at-the-time(and current wife) at the airport from her four-week trip to India. I had prepared in her apartment a vase of roses inside a bowl of little heart candies.

    Please guess in what state the vase of flowers and bowl of candies were in when we returned from the airport!

    Like

    • Jackie January 22, 2011 at 1:21 am #

      Man, cats are just destroyers of everything. I read your post and absolutely loved it. Thank you for sharing!

      Like

  4. knotrune January 21, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

    Respect, from a cat? Hmmm… not very likely 🙂
    It’s a shame they don’t seem to understand that vom belongs in the litter tray.

    As for the biscuit shaped vom chunks, it depends what the cat eats. My old cat used to eat biscuits, so her vom was like a neat pile of soggy biscuits. If well hidden, it would dry and could almost look like a little pile of fresh biscuits.

    That’s how I knew I wouldn’t have to change her diet when she had her teeth out. The vet told me to feed her biscuits for her teeth, so crunching them would sort of scrape them clean. Obviously it didn’t work, only one in five even got a cursory crunch. But on the plus side, she still happily swallowed them whole for many years of toothlessness. Even the large triangular ones!

    Like

    • Jackie January 22, 2011 at 1:24 am #

      I can’t believe that your cat could eat crunchy food without teeth. And I can’t believe your cat didn’t have teeth; How funny! My last one lived to 19 and still had hers so that one is new to me.

      Like

      • knotrune January 22, 2011 at 8:01 am #

        Yeah, I always marvelled at the way she gulped down those dry biscuits with all the sharp corners! I didn’t find it funny when she had to have them removed 😦 but they had got loose and were painful, what can you do? No way would she have let me brush them!

        Like

        • Jackie January 22, 2011 at 11:24 am #

          Aw 😦 I meant funny-odd, not funny-haha. It’s so hard to watch cats get old, isn’t it? Sometimes I think about how my cats will still be alive when I have children come along and that when they pass away it will be very, very hard for me.

          But it’s all about providing them a loving home while you can, right? 🙂

          Like

  5. Ginger The Cat January 22, 2011 at 12:22 pm #

    If there are no suitable human items around, like a wonderful piece of clothing, shoe or purse, then we will carefully choose the surface. You’ve seen us move from the perfectly good bit of linoleum flooring we are standing on to dash to the carpet where we practice our Gatling gun effect across the carpet, sofa and end table.

    Like

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