I’m Living with a Terrorist

17 Mar

My cat is making me doubt my ability to be a good mother.

I sometimes think about killing my cat.

I’m having a really hard time dealing with my cat’s dependency issues.

She used to just be a very loving cat who would rub up against me to see if I was interested in her affection.  If she deemed it appropriate, she would launch into an all out love fest all over my lap, legs, feet – wherever she could maneuver herself for my attention.

But now she’s a monster.

From the moment I wake up, she’s there – staring at me.  She follows me into the bathroom, follows me from the shower to my bedroom, and from the bedroom to the door.  I used to think she did it because she was hungry, but every time I rush to feed her in the morning, there is still evidence of her meal from the evening prior.

Sometimes I get so creeped out by her watching me get dressed that I put her outside the door until I’m finished.

When I come home after work she goes into full attack mode, tripping me while I walk, lurking over me while I cook, and sometimes ramming her head into my hand so forcefully that I have actually spilled things on myself.   She’s insatiable.

I thought her new attitude was a symptom of loneliness.  I thought that perhaps I wasn’t spending enough time with her.  But regardless of whether I pet her for an hour straight and follow it up with a rousing game of “chase the laser” or I ignore her all day, she cannot be tamed.  I’ve fed her treats, massaged her, pet her nicely, pet her harshly, picked her up, taken her for a walk (yes, I took my cat for a walk), and let her lie on me even when it’s incredibly inconvenient.  None of it helps.  If I want to read something, I have to do it standing up or my book will get forcefully nudged out of my hand, and she will spend her time putting her body between me and the page I am reading.

She has been known to lie down directly on top of something I have in my hand as I read it.

At night I’m so terrorized by her that even when I’m not yet asleep, I slow down my breathing and fake it so she moves on.

I’m living in fear and I can’t take it anymore.  It’s a wonder I can even do a blog a day without her putting her litter-laden paws all over the keys and foiling my attempts.

Recently, I’ve been feeling slightly maternal.  I don’t know if it’s the soon-to-be-aunt in me or the ticking of my own biological clock,  but babies are starting to kind of grow on me.    But now I’ve got this insatiable cat and I’m starting to feel like my entire life revolves around her and her ridiculous requests and I just can’t do this.

I can’t be a mom if my cat is introducing me to what I can expect from motherhood.  I fear I may become violent. 

She stared at me like this the entire time I wrote this post. ...help...me.....



379 Responses to “I’m Living with a Terrorist”

  1. Mèo Lười Việt at 12:40 pm #

    You cat looks so queenly! 😀


    • Jackie at 4:11 pm #

      queenly / self-entitled… yes 🙂 haha


      • freelunch at 6:58 pm #

        Yes, it is clear that your cat thinks that its staff is not up to snuff and would like to help you become a better servant.

        Have you considered getting a dog instead?


        • Jackie at 11:33 pm #

          haha I have considered getting a dog, but not “instead”. Rather, “in addition to”. Future cat ladies don’t get rid – they only collect.


  2. 50% Syrian at 1:02 pm #

    This is going to sound a little bit creepy, but it seems your cat is possessed. In my culture a black cat (or a mostly black cat) is a potential carrier of Jinn (spirits). I never believed it up until the day I groomed two black cats, and that’s when I felt uneasy getting undressed as they watched me. One of them started attacking me and getting in my way similarly to your description. When you start getting a scary vibe from your cat, no matter how hard you can get rational evidence for getting rid of her… my advise… get rid of her immediately. You need a cat that gives you comfort, cuddling, and peace.


    • Jackie at 4:13 pm #

      hmm… I’m not quite convinced and I’m totally in love with Lola, despite her constant need for affection. And I could never get rid of her. I didn’t go looking for her – I found her half dead on the side of the road and nursed her back to health. But I respect your opinion and I’m so thankful that you stopped by and shared!


  3. Barbara at 2:16 pm #

    Beyond funny post! This made my day. I love cats and as a past owner, can so relate to the uncanny and scary things that they do. Sometimes it is like little psychopaths making decisions on your existence. My sister has a tuxedo colored cat that could pass for your cat’s brother—death stare and all. He went from sweet and loving to a bit of a bad boy who demands, whines and nips when pressed. Funny to hear about, but spooky to experience in person.


    • Jackie at 4:16 pm #

      haha thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to visit. I’m a sucker for tuxedo cats solely because they remind me of Lo. 🙂


  4. HemRaj Singh at 2:34 pm #

    It was wonderful reading the post. You certainly have in interesting cat there. I am not a cat person. I like dogs better for the plain reason that they are a lot more adorable than cats, and are — and this is a better reason — tamable. 🙂

    Keep writing. You are doing a wonderful job, particularly the consistency part. 🙂


    • Jackie at 4:18 pm #

      thanks for the compliment – and the motivation! this whole post a day thing is tough. I’d like to say it gets easier, but having to have a new idea to write on each day really is a consistent challenge. Here’s hoping I make it to the end!


  5. Theresa H Hall at 2:44 pm #

    She needs you to play with her and wear her out. A good run around the house with the feather on a stick, or a long line of string (be sure not to let her eat it [Baby Bennington did that once, and I pulled and pulled and pulled it out from his tummy] not a good thing), and have her chase you round and round. Try a new toy laden with catnip.

    I have nine and I know how you feel.


    • Jackie at 4:20 pm #

      WHOA Nine. Nine?! As I replied earlier to a comment, I start to feel like I’ve got an infestation if mine are both in the same room at once. I can’t imagine how creeped out I’d be if I have so many – or tuckered out from entertaining them. Kudos to you for giving so many little critters a nice place to live.


  6. Nick Okami at 2:44 pm #

    cats = terror

    put the thing outside lol 🙂


    • Jackie at 4:22 pm #

      awww I could never. But she certainly is a terror 🙂


  7. Vero at 2:48 pm #

    The cat is possessed.
    Have you thought about exorcism?


    • Jackie at 4:21 pm #

      haha no but I’ll add it to the list of amusing suggestions, like letting her watch a cat video while I’m away and hiring a pet psychic 🙂


  8. Sharon J at 3:18 pm #

    Your cat sounds like the female version of my cat. My poor little (?) chap licked all the fur off his tummy and back legs because I went into hospital and left him to a week, even though a friend and my daughter were both visiting daily and spending an hour or so each with him. AND he has the dog for company. Such strange creatures 🙂


    • Jackie at 4:24 pm #

      awww!! poor guy!! If I go away for a weekend and leave her with my parents, she just hides from them all day and then has a major freak out when I return. It’s so charming how into one particular person they can be. I feel so bad for your little guy. I hope he’s well now.


  9. Sharon J at 3:23 pm #

    Your cat sounds like the female version of my cat. Poor little (?) chap even licked away all the fur from his tummy and back legs because I stressed him out by leaving him to go into hospital for a week, even though a friend and my daughter were both visiting daily and spending at least an hour each with him. AND he had the dog for company. Strange but lovable creatures 🙂


  10. shenanitim at 3:33 pm #

    This is great! And all my friends wonder why I have a “no pet” rule. Because… behind those cute exteriors, they want to take over your life!


  11. My Camera, My Friend at 3:36 pm #

    My mom’s kitty follows her around in the morning squeaking, pawing, and otherwise demanding attention. The whole book thing is annoying. I’ve been there once with my cat. It’s like she’s asking “what on earth do you find in that thing that’s more interesting than me?” If you keep being tempted toward violence, find a very lonely cat-loving soul.


    • Jackie at 4:26 pm #

      oh it was certainly in jest – I would sooner injure a human before a helpless animal. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!


      • My Camera, My Friend at 1:29 am #

        🙂 It just means kitty loves you. Sometimes I get annoyed, then wonder what I’ve done to earn their scorn when they leave me alone.


        • Jackie at 11:59 pm #

          I don’t even know what I’d do if I came home one day and she didn’t perch on my chest, knead my legs, and follow me absolutely everywhere. I’d feel so…liberated. 🙂


  12. I Made You A Mixtape at 3:45 pm #

    Well, I lived with a cat-terrorist for 19 years…lol… in the end, when they eventually do go to the big cat heaven in the sky… your life feels completely empty without them….lol…. love the pic of your cat! Thanks for cheering up my day- loved reading this!


    • Jackie at 4:28 pm #

      19 years is SO long for a cat to live! My parents had an old gal that lasted that long but was pretty shabby by the end. And they leave such an enormous hole when they’re gone. I’ll surely be heartbroken when my Lola leaves me, terrorist or not. Thanks for stopping by!


  13. misskittyinthecity at 4:19 pm #

    Oh my stinkin’ heck! I spewed tea all over my keyboard with your post and the pic is just the icing on the cake. LOVE the haughty camel look from your terrorist and the whole thing is utterly fab!


    • Jackie at 4:30 pm #

      LOL thanks, Miss. So sorry about your keyboard 🙂


  14. mybusinessaddiction at 5:02 pm #

    LOL! I don’t mean to laugh at your expense but it’s pretty hilarious. Try following HER around- watch her in her litter, when she eats, when she cleans herself…. She may get the point…. But I’ve to warn you re your maternal instincts- my soon-to-be two year old is a bit of a terrorist herself. Intact she lurking over me as I respond to your post. Congrats on being FP. K 🙂


    • Jackie at 10:46 pm #

      I love the idea of doing it back to her. That would have been brilliant to write about. Where were you a few days ago? haha

      Thanks for stopping by!


  15. Melina's Hangout at 5:18 pm #

    But she is so cute 🙂


  16. Sonia M. at 5:22 pm #

    My boy cat is like that too I’m his human and that’s all there is to it. He just has to be with me. If I sit down or lay down it’s his right to lay on me. LOL. Mine’s a tuxedo kitty too by the way.


  17. savesprinkles1234 at 5:35 pm #

    Cute post!


  18. jollof at 5:55 pm #

    I agree with Vero – your cat is possessed, lol. Cool pic (Diva Cat). Very good article and congrats on getting pressed 😀


  19. sosparkly at 6:00 pm #

    Ummm, your cat is really lonely.

    I feel really bad for your pet.

    Maybe you could get it a companion cat, so it wouldn’t be so sad…


    • Greenenvy at 6:50 pm #

      You do know that this is how 100% of “Crazy Cat Ladies” start, right?


      • Jackie at 11:13 pm #

        Yes and this is one of my biggest fears. I frequently blog about the fact that I’m slowly declining into a bohemian cat lady.


    • Jackie at 11:23 pm #

      lol she’s fine. I assure you she’s doing just lovely. She has another cat in the house as a companion and she has Dave, who is home a lot of times that I am not. But I’m impressed she’s won your sympathy in this scenario, where she clearly has the upper hand and rules over me with an iron fist.


  20. Arevik at 6:20 pm #

    My boyfriend’s cat (a boy) is like that all the time. Besides watching where I go and what I do, he just loves to come and sit and stare at me. You know what I do then? I stare back at him. No animal can take human’s eyes staring at him or her. So he starts pretending like something takes his attention and first he turns his ears different ways and then gradually takes his eyes from me. He also has two other awful habits. First – ‘playing a tiger’ when he hides under the bed or a wardrobe and then jumps on your feet as you pass. I either shout at him, or try to walk around if I have a chance, or (my recent finding) I take a toy, something with yearn or feathers, and put it between my feet and his ambush. Also I try not to let him in the room obviously, i.e. I come into the room first leaving the door almost closed. By the time i walk through the room and take my place at the computer he slowly comes in and gets on our bed. Then I can pass him as much as I want, he will stay there relaxing and sleeping so sweet :)) The other awful habit is his hissing. I have never heard a cat hissing that much! There were cats who didn’t like me but none was hissing, they just walked away and I didn’t pursue them. But this one… it’s a long story and he was adopted from a vet clinics where his former master brought him to put down. And in that clinics some woman (I call her crazy and all out of her mind) taught a little kitten how to hissle. When he shoes that now I ask him ‘so what’s now? I can hissle at you too, what’s next?’ I visit my boyfriend’s house regularly and the cat got used to me a bit actually (we live in different countries yet). The thing I know for sure – he is a big boy now – I mean the cat)) – and you can’t change him already. You can’t change an adult without his/her own wish. Same story with animals. Especially cats being so independent. So I try to get used to him, and show him that I still love him no matter what. My friend says I should beat him to show that I am stronger. No way! He is a menace but I really love him! May be something from my really long comment will help you 🙂 Also, if you have such a beautiful girl, can it be a March heat? (sorry if I’m not right, but I have never had pets at home, so I am not sure what’s a cat’s heat look like) Hope to hear some good news on your ‘terrorist’ soon 🙂 Best wishes from Kiev, Ukraine 🙂


    • Jackie at 11:30 pm #

      Well that’s just a lovely novel you’ve written here. I’m not a fan of your friend’s comment to beat your cat and show him who’s stronger. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, though, and assume that they’re just making a bad joke. In which case, tell your friend he’s no good at jokes.

      But I love the things you shared about your boyfriend’s cat. My parents’ cat hisses, claws, and bites at me when I come home. My parents used to think I was exaggerating to be funny until I showed them what he does when I try to pet him. Cats are such weird little beasts. They carry a lot of easily-crossed wires in their little evil genius brains.

      Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing – I appreciate it!


      • Arevik at 5:37 am #

        Thank you Jackie 🙂 So nice to read your reply!
        My friend, yes, she is like joking, but still no way! Because the minute when the cat comes to sleep in a shape of cozy swirl on the bed while I am working at the computer or knitting crosses all his hissing and catching and biting away!
        By the way, someone said that the cat is jealous and that is why he bites and hisses when someone comes in. May be, but I am coming to them sometimes more than twice a year and very soon will move to them for good) He also takes food from my hands! And by the way from my second visit)) I also like playing with him (so his staring at me I now understand and ‘here I came now play with me!’ and he does play) and I understand his curiosity and let him nose almost everything I have in my hands, as he is VERY curious and my BF’s Mom doesn’t allow him much) May be this is because I watched a lot of documentaries about animals since I was a little girl and always wanted to have one? So I just love him 🙂 And I think that he (like your parents cutie) is one of the cats who have their wild nature open. Although I would appreciate him being a normal cute fluffy kitty, I still think he’s great and smart and understands everything I say (in opposite to my BF’s Mom who thinks he’s stupid). As I say – he’s smart, but got a bad temper)) Wow, again a novel))) Hopefully this will help to understand some features of your own whiskered princess 🙂 but you never said, is it a cat heat or not? Probably your princess needs a prince and then she will calm down (again, I never had a pet before, but I once visited my colleague and her cat had a heat, she was coming after us everywhere mewing and complaining that her mistress doesn’t understand her need for love))


        • Jackie at 11:03 am #

          Well she’s had her female bits removed, so there shouldn’t be much cause for excitement there. And if she still has a lingering thought, there’s a perfectly healthy male cat in the house. So I’m thinking she’s just in love with me and wants me to know I’m hers and no one else’s. In response to your bf’s mother – I haven’t met any cats who are stupid. Even the ones I thought were thick the first time around I learned later were just putting me on 🙂 Clever little things they are.


      • arevikd at 11:12 am #

        I don’t know why I can’t see the Reply thing on your further comment 🙂 This is me, Arevik, I just authorized to the system.

        Well, if female parts were removed the only reason is loving you and getting your attention all the time, of course)

        I also must say that unfortunately there are a lot of people who consider animals stupid just because they are animals. I strongly disagree and even as a College student I often argued with our Psychology teacher which brought me a nickname ‘zoopsychologist’))

        To me please no matter some comments with direct instructions on how to get rid of the cat, all the rest show the real love to our little neighbors on this planet 🙂


        • Jackie at 2:12 pm #

          That’s true – I’ve gotten a lot more feedback from lovers than haters. I don’t know what’s up with the reply/comment thing… I’ve had a few people with issues and it takes me quite a long time to respond to each comment because of the lag – so sorry for the complications!


  21. Jenn at 7:49 pm #

    This was a great entry! Hilarious and well written! Had to share it w/some friends. Cats can be peculiar. Sometimes I wonder what is going on in those little cat brains, lol.


    • Jackie at 11:34 pm #

      Thank you so much. I appreciate you stopping by!


  22. nickygirl27 at 8:24 pm #

    My cat is often like this. I’ve had my cats about 3 or 4 years and we found them under a rock as kittens. The fat one,lol, seems to be very kind and loving. The other one, named after me, is the most creepy cat I have ever seen. I get up in the morning, brush my teeth, and when I go to get dressed in my normal outfit of a tee-shirt and skinny jeans, there she is on the top of my dresser waiting to what looks like she wants to kill me. Some days she acts kind,and other days she’s a demon. No doubt in my mind that we made the right choice naming her after me.


    • Jackie at 11:40 pm #

      aw it’s so great of you to have given them a home. That’s so awesome of you. You know, a lot of the people who can relate to me seem to have gotten their cats outside and rescued them. Maybe they secretly have resented us all this time for ripping them out of the wild.

      I hope she doesn’t turn on me.


  23. I’ve had like 10 kittys (6 at once, the others at other times) and none of them have been so terrorisingly lovey!
    Sometimes the current kitten (my sisters) will follow you up and down the house, have random love attacks, but she also has periods of time where she is completely uninterested in cuddles or playing and just sits, shirking your love.
    Oh, but she gets obsessed with my laptop!!!
    The first time she stayed here, and I was doing quizzes on my computer, she constantly came and tried to jump up and would fall off and hurt herself, and crawl on my keyboard, and hop on my knees, and sleep on my harddrive.
    She still does it sometimes, I’ll be typing or playing a game and all of a sudden there will be a kitty bum in my face!
    She also tries to smush her face into my hand when I’m using my phone.


    • Jackie at 11:43 pm #

      your handle amuses me.

      uuugh I hate kitty-bum-in-the-face. As if it isn’t degrading enough that they stick their kitty litter paws anywhere they want and we have to let them because they’re adorable. The thing that kills me the most is the knocking things out of my hands bit. It’s incredible how much force a little cat head can have when it’s led by such commitment.


  24. jusRhae at 8:48 pm #

    have you tried talking to her? no, not in that “>insert name here<, don't stare at me like that, why are you following, please get out of the room." type conversation. but yes, like a full on conversation. ask how her day was, duh she may not respond in the way we would immediately understand (because over time you can learn the different sounds/meanings of a cats meow). tell her how your day was. talk about the weather, or traffic or that you simply want to understand her behaviour.

    maybe she senses the biological ticking and is simply always up in your space to remind you, however its coming across as needy and negative to you. she doesnt sound as though she's like attacking you and being mean. sounds more like she's trying to say something, be it more time or something else, and you arent getting the picture.


    • Jackie at 11:45 pm #

      this is a common consensus. some have suggested I enlist the services of a cat psychic, which I (with all due respect) find amusing. But I am starting to start considering any changes or contributing factors that may be leading to this kind of change in behavior. Thanks for sharing!


  25. Anna Tasselli Kocher at 9:11 pm #

    Hi Jackie. You made me laugh. I have had cats all my life. In my experience cats have common habits but they are also unique. I have had bold cats, funny cats, I have had the sweet but shy and the super affectionate kind. My brother has a very aggressive one. My aunt had one that started sweet and turned out nasty and territorial. I also believe that us human affect the way cats behave. When you raise them from kittens you have the opportunity and the responsibility to raise them the best way you can and nip bad habits right away. It seems to me that your cat loves you and is very affectionate. You mentioned Lola didn’t use to be so needy. Try to think when this new behaviour started and try to think why. Did you change the food you feed your cat? Are you spending more or less time at home? Has your schedule changed? Has anything changed with the other cat? How are they getting along? In other words perhaps Lola is stressed or scared about something and she sticks so close to you because you make her feel safer. Any change in the way she grooms herself?
    At the moment I have a very affectionate cat and a dog that is my shadow. When I go to the bathroom first thing in the morning I have two animals rubbing at my legs! I also have two kids and I am glad they have passed the shadow stage. If you think Lola is bad is because you have not had toddlers yet. They can be just as clingy but much more vocal and they throw temper tantrums!


    • Jackie at 11:48 pm #

      haha oooooh no. no toddlers for me. that would be bad right now. I’m starting to wonder if Hobbes might be bullying her so we’re keeping an eye out for that. It’s odd how he became affectionate at the same time as her. Maybe everyone’s right and I should go to the doctor and see if I’m dying.


    • alastor993 at 11:54 pm #

      This is very true! My cat had a phase of being very much like Lola, my schedule had changed and I had a new boyfriend. After a month or so he got used to it and figured out I still loved him, that my boyfriend loved him and he was save.
      The cat went on with his normal routine of going outside and being with me in the evenings.
      All I had to do was be pasient and try to be the best cat mom i could be…
      I hope your Lola will settle down and you can be happy with her again.
      I had to give my cat to another family because I moved to China and I still miss him and want him back! So don’t be to hasty on giving up!


  26. Elena at 9:17 pm #

    Since I’m a cat person, myself,I have to tell you that I really enjoyed your post. Your kitty sounds just like a typical cat.


    • Jackie at 2:47 pm #

      Thanks! So glad you stopped by 🙂


  27. Flying Dog428 at 9:25 pm #

    I have a cat that’s like that too! At night, he goes in my room before I get to bed and falls asleep IN THE CENTER OF MY BED. I don’t have the heart to move him(I also don’t have the nerve-those claws…) so I very uncomfortably bend myself around my kitty so he can have his beauty rest. In the datime, when ever I have shorts on, he slides his way behind me, then ambushes me and tries to climb up my leg…not to mention the claws again. Just heard the song “Beautiful Monster”- theme song for my cat.


    • Jackie at 11:49 pm #

      Yes, this is my life exactly. Thank you for assuring me I’m not alone.

      I either bend around the cat or if I really can’t contort myself well enough, I’ll shower them in so much love at once that they get uncomfortable and walk away. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!


  28. Sara Reinke at 9:53 pm #

    I read your post out loud to my DH if only so we could look at each other and nod in creeped out agtreement to each of your points. If you’d added in that your cat follows you around meowing all the time, in addition to staring…YOWLING like he’s really giving you what-for for whatever shameless indignity you’ve so cruelly forced him to endure this time by (a) denying him food, (b) denying him petting, (c) denying him a cuddle or primo positioning on the bed pillows while we try to sleep — you’d have our Spooky. Oh yeah. And the claws. God, don’t get me started on the horror of the claws…


    • Jackie at 11:51 pm #

      if Lola yowled, that would probably be my breaking point. I can’t stand yowlers. There will be no yowling in this apartment.

      why do they have to take the best spot on the bed? I usually have to wrestle for my pillow. I mean cmon. My pillow? I’m allergic. They have no compassion.


  29. Adam B at 9:57 pm #

    yes, I too had a needy cat, she was a sweetheart, but she would not leave me alone. the best thing to do is to let the cat outside, or if you can’t do that, build something to where she can get out and sit as close to the outside as possible. I built a “sitting area” out of a basement well window where I put a cat tree next to it so she could climb up into the window and I put a perch board covered with carpet up in the window then replaced the crappy plastic “bubble” that used to cover the well window with a wooden framed screen.


    • Jackie at 11:55 pm #

      how cute of you to do that – that’s one thing I love about my apartment. We have such big, open windows with a great view for people/bird watching and big ol-ledges. I even dragged one of their perches right up to the window in case they want to get super comfy.

      I would love to be able to let them outside – I’m sure they’d freak out with happiness. But right now I live right at an intersection where people drive like idiots and I’m pretty sure that the first day I open the door is the last day I see them.


  30. Naomi at 10:04 pm #

    Your cat is really a web cam.


    • Jackie at 11:52 pm #

      I don’t even know what to say to this. I just don’t even know.


  31. projectofficefree at 10:44 pm #

    Sounds like my cat. LOL.


  32. adams55 at 11:05 pm #

    i wasnt too happy when i found out you were not even living with an actual terrorist, and i would of never read it if i knew it was about some obsessive cat. i was furthermore shocked when i seen there was over 200 comments and not one of them that i seen suggested that you get rid of the fucking cat. even the last line about your going to become violent should of made you realize that removal of the cat will regain your overall sense of happines.


    • Jackie at 10:28 am #

      Hi Adam. I’m sorry that my post wasn’t what you assumed it would be. There is an image of my cat with it, so I thought it was pretty straightforward. It’s a humor blog, so things are usually pretty lighthearted around here.

      Worry not – there are actually plenty of people who suggested I get rid of her, complete with methods of murder.

      But is all just a joke about how annoying she can be sometimes – I’m perfectly happy.

      Thanks for stopping by in spite of your disappointment. 🙂


  33. thesinglecell at 11:27 pm #

    Um, are we roommates? My cat doesn’t quite look like yours, but she is sitting in my lap right now because she MUST sit in my lap while I do something on the computer, and later she will sleep on my head. After she lays on my chest. Great entry.


  34. thesinglecell at 11:41 pm #

    Um, are we roommates? My cat is in my lap right now, because she MUST be in my lap when I do anything on the computer. Later, she will sleep on my head. After she lays on my chest. After she demands that I switch positions so she can situate herself as she pleases. After she follows me to the bathroom and yells at me while I wash my face. Great post… PS my other reason for thinking we’re roommates is that I, too, am a Gentile in an Orthodox Jewish world.


    • Jackie at 10:31 am #

      Oh yeah? I don’t want to out our locations or anything but I’m certainly interested to know what kind of community you’re in. Living here is unlike anything I’ve experienced before. Even our Dunkin’ Donuts is kosher 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing!


      • thesinglecell at 10:56 am #

        Sorry for the double post… my computer had a Thing. I’ll just say I’m on the East Coast, in a corner of a fairly big city that has a very large Jewish population, but the corner I happen to live in has the highest concentration. There are four synagogues within cat-swinging distance. You, I trust, have similar stats, since there’s no driving on the Sabbath!


        • Jackie at 11:08 am #

          Yes! East Coast – decent sized city with one little corner absolutely saturated with Orthodox Jews – a school, and lots of synagogues. 🙂 How cool!


  35. Ms XX Fast at 12:07 am #

    Great article! I can relate 😉 My male cat, Chicken, stares at me constantly, eerily. I wake up and literally open my eys to him staring at me. I could be watching TV and he is staring at me. Plotting. He is quite the little creeper. Poulet, my fat female cat, can’t get enough attention but her stare is different–filled with love somehow 🙂 She walks around the rim of the clawfoot bath when I bathe`, kneading the air. Never creepy, just full of love. They are both rescues and they both came very close to dying. But Chicken, well…he’s a ginger. I have concluded that this must be the reason. If I am ever murdered, please someone, look into this possibility. Defensive wounds will include claw marks on my arms and tufts of catfur in my lungs.


    • Jackie at 10:11 am #

      LOL Your cat is named chicken? That’s glorious. We’ll have to set up some sort of system for making sure you’re still alive. Come back and leave me a note if Chicken starts to get real intense and you feel like the end is near. If I don’t see a follow-up comment a week later, I’ll send authorities.


  36. robinbarr at 12:38 am #

    I laughed out loud reading this blog. My little cocker/cavalier mix is a terrorist also, same exact profile as your cat. Oh, how I wish to have my very own feline terrorist, but alas, damned HOA rules dictate 2 pet maximum, and I’m there. Love the picture of your cat.


    • Jackie at 10:15 am #

      Hey – you might want to be thankful for those damned HOA rules. If you’ve already got a plotter, the last thing you need is another. Those rules could be saving your life. 🙂 Thanks so much for dropping in!


  37. SaltyBill at 2:49 am #

    Just be glad its not a dog!
    Talk about dependency…


  38. AN at 5:13 am #

    The moment i read your title i thought that it was either an abusive bf or an actual terrorist but its a CUTE CAT 😀 and now im laughing at my self. But if her behavior is really bothering you try whacking (not very hard) her to let her know that you don’t like it


    • Jackie at 10:20 am #

      Isn’t she a cutie? It makes it hard to say no. I kind of warp into Elmyra from Tiny Toons around cuddly creatures. It’s a problem. Thanks so much for stopping by!


  39. darialois at 5:24 am #

    my cat acts like a dog too! she sits outside the glass door and stares in at us all day long. when we let her in she sleeps on the couch, belly up -__- wth


  40. H. Schnabel at 5:41 am #

    A large plastic bag and ten minutes of exhaust fumes from your vehicle — an effective and humane method of dealing with useless and unpleasant creatures such as your cat. And there is no additional clean-up required. Just tie the bag off put it in the trash.

    Problem solved.


    • Jackie at 10:24 am #

      Hmm… good to know for future reference. Lola isn’t going anywhere anytime soon – I completely adore her, in spite of her overwhelming neediness. 🙂 Thanks for the offing tip, though. haha!


  41. Awesome person at 6:35 am #

    OMG! I have the exact same problem with my cat, except for the fact that he can open doors, sliding and the normal. I cannot go to the bathroom in peace, moments later–“creak” NOO STERLING!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!
    Does your cat do the slobbering thing? Shudders, like they purr and alternately move their paws and slobber all over you? I hate it… I have an american silver classic tabby shorthair. the most energetic thing in the world. trills instead of meowing


    • Jackie at 10:34 am #

      LOL no I don’t have a slobberer. But the idea of it truly amuses me. Lola squawks instead of meowing. It’s like this weird parrot thing. It stinks that your cat is adept at opening doors. At least I can take solace in the fact that she can be stopped if necessary (and if I can endure the clawing to follow). Good luck with your little terror!


  42. sixfootbear at 6:46 am #

    Lots and lots of replies to your post.
    First. Good Blog! I enjoyed reading it.
    Second.Those who advocate violence? Hang your heads in shame.
    Have you tried outstaring her? It may make your eyes ache, they can be incredibly stubborn creatures,but when you can you will tell her that you are boss. Its unusual to have such an affectionate queen. In my experiance Toms tend to be the more affectionate but the girls can bond too and it sounds like she has with you.That is such a boon.Unconditional love.Just go with the flow.
    My Tigger is nearly 10 now and is adorable.He likes to know where i am when i am home and he regards my garden as his.He falls asleep in my arms and greets me when i come home from work. Our cuddle time. Special time.

    Appreciate Lola. She loves you.


    • Jackie at 10:39 am #

      Tigger’s a great name too. I have a lot of replies with awesome cat names. Chicken is probably my favorite so far 🙂

      Thanks for the comment to those advocating violence. It’s all just a lighthearted joke, so it’s saddening to see those suggestions.

      I’ve gotten the staring suggestion a few times – I might get creeped out halfway through, but it’s worth a try.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing – I really appreciate it!


  43. Minesha at 7:16 am #

    Ah , maybe your cat’s trying to test your patience . Acting – let’s hope it in that positive way .


  44. Jennifer at 7:21 am #

    Well written blog! I have two cats but they have never been that obsessive (though on is paranoid schizophrenic) Just get him another cat to stare at, that will be the best option, he will lose interest in you…hopefully.


    • arevikd at 7:27 am #

      Haha)))) Well said Jeniffer! “get him another cat to stare at”


      • Jackie at 10:42 am #

        lol yeah, she has one of those, but he tends to bully her. Maybe that’s why she bullies me? Everyone needs someone beneath them.

        Hey thanks for stopping by! 🙂


  45. Little Explorer at 7:32 am #

    Lovely post! Very funny!!!

    Try kissing your cat, it might turn into a prince 😀


  46. mercusot at 8:09 am #

    I have too solutions to offer to your porblem, and against feminin hysteria symptoms : you either set you mind on something else, like shagging for exemple, or you go see a psychiatric…


  47. Toni at 8:56 am #

    What a cute post! Cats are special!


  48. thelastcorral at 9:04 am #

    I also have a tuxedo cat and he does the exact same thing! Is it a black and white tuxedo cat thing. When we first got him we put a bell on him thinking he’d get lost or into mischief, but no…. He always stayed just 3 steps behind. I live with a special agent cat…Bond, James Bond. Seriously


    • Jackie at 10:47 am #

      haha I put a bell on both mine as well. They’re too sneaky without them. Sometimes I give them a break from their collars for a week or so and I’m reminded of what skilled stalkers they are. It’s adorable the way they need a human to cling to. Thanks for sharing!


  49. minamins85 at 9:10 am #

    hi. i’ve still got tears in my eyes. if there were a pulitzer prize for blogging about pets, you’d totally deserve it! i’ve lived with cats for three decades, at least, although not right now. my currrent cat is living with my parents and i really miss her, now that i’ve read your blog. good luck!


    • Jackie at 10:50 am #

      aw 🙂 Thanks so much for the lovely compliment. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.

      I hope you can be reunited with your furball soon. I had to have Lola stay with my brother for a year while I was in the dorms at college and it was so hard to be without her.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing!


      • Daniela at 2:45 am #

        Hah! There we go! I knew it, I knew it! You created the little monster!

        Thank you for writing such a nice post: I had a ball with it. I hardly take the time to read FP, but the picture of your proud queen really captured my attention.

        Sorry for being so naughty: But it is clear that this is a symbiosis (and I bet you know it). You might somewhere inside you have some kind of “terrorist” as well 🙂 — the cat is just a mirror. (At last, “terrorist” and “terrorized” are just two sides of the same coin.)

        Have a very nice day and keep up the good writing!


        • Jackie at 12:00 am #

          haha hey thanks for stopping by and sharing – I appreciate you taking the time to write such a great comment! 🙂


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