Collectiphobia

28 Mar

It’s stinkbug time.

ew ew ew ew ew ew.

I hate stinkbugs.  I love the spring and look forward to it all year long until I remember that it comes with bugs.  Specifically, bugs that tend to cluster.

I can’t even describe to you in words how absolutely disgusted I am by swarms of anything.  If both my cats are in the same room at the same time, I make one of them clear out so it doesn’t look like I’m getting an infestation.  Even just the words “swarm” and “infestation” give me the willies.  The thought of attempting to find a picture to attach to this blog post absolutely scared the bejeezus out of me.

I’m not “afraid” of stinkbugs or lady bugs.  I’m afraid of the omen they bring.

When I was in college, I lived in a crappy 5-room house with a bundle of roommates.    Rent was low and bugs were rampant.    I could walk around the house and easily count into the double digits how many stinkbugs I saw hanging out along the way.  Everywhere I went, I felt in constant anxiety of my next sighting.

Ladybugs pull ahead in the attractiveness factor, but when I remember what it looks like to see them all huddled on top of each other in the corners and cracks of houses, I go flailing about the house like a frightened little girl.

I think my problem is a fear of collections in general.  I am incredibly careful to not make any mention that I “collect” something.   I know far too many family members who are buried and unable to move under the mounds of snowmen, angels, Santas, roses, or cat figurines.  All it takes is one careless mention or gesture and suddenly everyone who knows you gets you a variation of a penguin for Christmas.

Once, a couple of friends and I decided to decorate the bathroom in our place with an assortment of ridiculous plastic ducks.  It wasn’t so much that we cared for the ducks as it was a result of a free giveaway at school.    Unfortunately, I hadn’t realized that anyone visiting the house could look at the window ledge in the bathroom, see the variety, and insist upon us having a duck collection.

There are many things I would like to be thought of in this life, but a collector of ducks is not one of them.

I’m absolutely terrified of what this stinkbug means for the apartment.  Are there more? Are they lurking somewhere?  What if I see a ladybug too? Maybe I need to just make sure the cats are on their A-game so they can help with pest control.  Maybe I should get another cat.

…No… 2 cats is reasonable. 3 cats is a collection.

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16 Responses to “Collectiphobia”

  1. Wazeau March 28, 2011 at 9:32 am #

    Just looking at that pic grosses me out. The worst part about having a stink bug in the house (and I get them) is that one of my cat collection will find it first and then CRUNCH it. gag

    Like

    • cznott March 29, 2011 at 1:38 am #

      Remember the phrase, “Gag me with a spoon!!!”? I do. Kitties were my best students, until I graduated to training dogs. This learner, the stinky bug, has no idea what he’s infor if he doesn’t show up in my bedroom tonight!

      Thanks for the LOLing, but tonight I want some private time.

      CZNott
      xoxoxo

      Like

      • Jackie March 31, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

        Thanks so much for stopping by 🙂

        Like

    • Jackie March 31, 2011 at 10:26 pm #

      ewwwwwwwwwwww

      Like

  2. cznott March 28, 2011 at 9:45 am #

    Lol-ing today. Thanks for the good belly laugh!

    I can stop at 2 cats. Can y’all?

    Like

    • Jackie March 31, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

      I love this comment. All of it.

      Like

  3. thesinglecell March 28, 2011 at 10:52 am #

    Gross. I share your hatred of bugs. I suppose I’m lucky; the stinkbugs that occupy my home do so one at a time. It’s really, really weird: I see one, it gets vacuumed up or scooped up and flushed (because I can’t kill it – it’ll crunch)… and then within hours, another one appears.

    There are never two at the same time.

    I wonder if it’s the same damned bug coming back over and over.

    Oh, and if you’re fortunate enough to have cats that actually kill bugs, congrats. Mine only yells at me about them, plays with them for a bit, and then meanders away, bored.

    Like

    • Jackie March 31, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

      Ew if I have to read one more comment on stinkbug crunch, I’m going to lose it. I’m getting the willies as I write this.

      My cats don’t intend to hurt them – they just paw them to death and then mourn the loss of a new playmate.

      Like

  4. Podunk March 28, 2011 at 12:03 pm #

    Uh, I have five cats in a 10 by 50 foot trailer. That certainly qualifies me for an infestation. No bugs though. Except for the HUGE colony of spiders in my crawl space but that saves me from an invasion of ants.

    Like

    • Jackie March 31, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

      Holy cow, yes it does, lucky you, and super gross. In that order.

      Like

  5. Ro March 28, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

    The second sentence of this post pretty much defines me.

    Like

    • Jackie March 31, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

      🙂

      Like

  6. Jules March 28, 2011 at 3:00 pm #

    I’d be lucky if my fat cat still “hunted” for pests in the house. He’s too busy lounging around to care these days.

    Like

    • Jackie March 31, 2011 at 10:31 pm #

      Make him pay rent. What a jerk.

      Like

  7. How Do You Get Rid of Stink Bugs March 30, 2011 at 9:36 pm #

    Haha, yeah I find stink bugs and lady bugs everywhere here too. I guess it’s just something you have to get used to.

    Like

    • Jackie April 2, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

      I don’t know if I can 😦

      Like

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