I’ve been lied to.
I remember distinctly the day I learned weather patterns and how they corresponded with the months of the year. It was very straightforward. December-February is Winter, March-May is Spring, June-August is Summer, September to November is Autumn.
What a load of crap.
Honestly, I can’t remember the last time winter was over in February. Or when it waited until December to start. In fact, winter is launching an all-out attack on every other season. It starts snowing in October, ruining Halloween for everyone and making it much hard for all the slutty sluts to dress like slutty sluts for their Halloween costumes for fear of frost bite.
Alice in Wonderland was much more modestly dressed than contemporary costumes would have us believe.
Somehow, winter manages to start its terror way back in October, ruin all the beautiful changing trees, and then goes full-force until March. MARCH! What a ripoff. The same lying grade school teacher taught us all that March “comes in like a lion and out like a lamb”. We had to draw pictures to match what we learned – we all set to coloring up a storm of tragedy to symbolize the beginning of March and a world of peace with no hunger and poverty to symbolize the end.
Or maybe I just took the lesson too literally.
Either way, it was a load of bull. Not even a week ago, there was a hailstorm in my town so enormous that people’s cars were dented. The weather was so freaky-deaky that a tornado managed to touch down right outside the city, flatten 9 houses, and rip the roof of a high school.
I’ve never seen a lamb do that.
Not only do I feel cheated by my grade school education, but I’m just generally angry that I believed the lies for so long. This year, I’m putting the falsehoods away. Let’s be honest: winter is a terrible, raging villain that has consumed 6 months of our year. From October to March we are grumpy, frigid human beings. We like to pretend that it’s reserved for Christmas time and the little bump of months surrounding the holiday, but we’re all lying to ourselves. If we just admit that half our year is blanketed with cold and misery, maybe someday we can learn to accept it. Or move to Florida, where all the people go who figured this out years ago.
I just had Raisin Bran for breakfast and I totally liked it. I’m only a few old-person stages away from heading south myself. ♣
P90X Update: 3/90. Ow. That is all.