image from ehow.com
Yesterday I ventured over to my local grocery store to partake of the fine conveniences of being an American: that is, having other people gather food in a central location so I can just pay them for it instead of getting it myself.
It’s awesome.
I immediately found myself sucked into the beauty that is the “10 for 10” deal. That’s right: 10 items for 10 dollars. That’s only one perfectly rounded dollar each.
This time it was on mangoes.
I’ll be honest: I don’t really care for mangoes. I’m not against them, necessarily, but I don’t go to the store expecting to come home with a mango. But let’s face it – if you slap a $1 dollar deal on a pile of milarchy, I’ll walk out of the store with it.
So I’m over in the mango section, admiring the beautiful roundness of their hides, when I realized I have absolutely no idea how to tell if a mango is ripe. As I eyed them over suspiciously, I was interrupted by a middle-aged woman who had no interest in nonsense. She asked if I knew how to tell if a mango was ripe. I told her it was a funny thing to ask because I was just there thinking I didn’t have the slightest clue myself. And that’s when she said it:
“Oh. You looked like you would know.”
I looked like I would know? Let me paint a picture for you. I typically head to the store looking like a hobo. If I have to go do something adult-like and responsible, I’m sure as heck not about to do it all dressed up like it. On this particular day, I was sporting a pair of sweatpants from high school that I cut half the legs off of. I paired it with a very old, very much Dave’s, black hooded sweatshirt with little holes worn in the sleeves for my thumbs, which I put my thumbs through thank-you-very-much. I topped it all off with a pair of sneakers I’ve had since freshman year of college.
This lady had low standards for melon experts.
I don’t have a good working knowledge of produce. Up until a few months ago, I didn’t even know what a real, genuine green bean looked like.
I struggle.
But inspired by the idea that I look like the kind of person who might know about these things, I continued about the produce section, pretending to be an expert of various sorts. I made up ways to tell whether or not things were prime for picking, and made ridiculous conjectures. I looked bok choy in the face and pretended I knew what it was. I also ended up buying a lot of produce. I probably spent twenty minutes just browsing around in character and it was glorious.
And then I remembered: this is why I don’t shop without Dave. ♣
The Jackie Blog 
hahaha i struggle too, i totally get this!
LikeLike
OMG! My husband, who is also named Dave, has only recently “allowed” me to go grocery shopping by myself. He is an amazing cook, and a grocery store is like heaven for him. For me, it’s one of the most intimidating places I’ve ever been to. So I tend to buy all things frozen or in some other way already prepared for me. And if it’s not an apple or celery, forget it. I have No idea how to tell if it’s ripe or fresh or whatever it is. So I feel your pain.
P.S. were any of the mangoes actually ripe?! 🙂
P.P.S. Congrats on 4 days down with P90X!
LikeLike
That’s so cool! And I have no idea if any of them were ripe. I really have no idea whatsoever.
Thanks for the P90X grats. Results would be nice. I must be patient. 🙂
LikeLike
I can just picture you wandering around the produce section, squeezing and thumping the goods with an intent expression. All good until management asked you to stop torturing the fruit.
BTW, I don’t believe mangoes are in the melon family. But I bow to your expertise, as you “look like you would know”.
LikeLike
damn your keen eye and intelligence, Peg.
You’re absolutely correct. My ignorance has been made even more evident.
LikeLike
My keen eye and intelligence have been damned by some of the best.
LikeLike
Lol! It’s better than looking like a cucumber expert, like some sort of grocery store slut!
LikeLike
I laughed out loud at this – thanks 🙂
LikeLike
What did the mangoes look like?
LikeLike
round… fruit-like…red, yellow, green….
LikeLike
haha I love this!!
LikeLike