Yesterday I failed at a variety of rudimentary human skills.
It was one of those really rough days. The kind where you put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal inthe fridge, put your underwear on backwards, and confidently walk out your front door.
It still amazes me that in spite of the fact that I do these things with a high level of frequency, I can still completely foil my attempts at basic higher functions. Later in the afternoon, I failed at chewing. I actually failed to masticate properly. Enjoying a simple lunch at my desk, I bit down fast and hard on the left side of my inner cheek.
There’s nothing like eating yourself from the inside to make you feel like a motor skills master.
My day was littered with these little nuggets of suckery. I reached for the grape jam from the fridge and pulled out grape juice instead. I had difficulty navigating the contents of my purse. At moments in conversation, my brain suffered severe meltdowns wherein I was unable to even communicate anything at all. Instead, I just stared straight ahead catatonic.
The worst part was the communication breakdown. It felt as if everything I said was misinterpreted as offensive or awkward. Basic sentence-forming didn’t come easy, so social graces were out of the question entirely. I ended the day feeling as if everything I came in contact with throughout my day
was tainted by my stupidity. Somehow, I was jaunting through the universe sucking intelligence from every interaction I had.
I was a big, fat, suck-banshee.
But you know what? That’s okay. I mean, I only wished I would have caught on earlier. Little can be done in retrospect, but had I noticed it happening along the way, I might’ve deduced some way to harness this power. I’m not sure how, but there’s gotta be a way to apply that temporary skill set. I
will have to devote my time to discovering practical applications.
Then the next time I find warm milk in the cupboard, I can know that my stupidity will be a force to be reckoned with and I am about to achieve great things. ♣
P90X Update: Super fail. Didn’t do anything yesterday but eat cookies. Houseguests have thrown me off my routine and I’m headed to my parents’ this weekend. I shall find abandoned wagon and hop back on Monday. And feel like a fat slug until then.