One of the things that keeps me blogging every single day of 2011 is the witty comments my readers leave.
Ya’ll are some witty folk.
But yesterday I was so struck by the wit that affronted me from the unassuming position at the bottom of my post yesterday about how I really wanted to start seeing thunderstorms if I’m going to be bogged down with all this ridiculous rain. In it, I included a tidbit about my Emergency Glow Sticks that I have ready just for the occasion that I’m blessed with an awesome lightning crack and a power out.
A fellow blogger, pegoleg, left the following comment:
“When Mother Nature picks up the gauntlet you just threw down, at least you’ll be prepared.
Because your emergency plan is glow sticks, right? If the power goes out, that’s what you’re going to count on to see you through. What, you couldn’t find any fireflies? The store was out of sparklers?”
Actually, it wasn’t bold. Or italicized. You know, to be fair.
Pegoleg just happens to be a well-deserving Freshly Pressed Triple Crown holder. And though that sort of makes her sound like a race horse, I actually mean she tends to write amusing and unique posts that WordPress features because she’s amusing. And groovy. And because she’s taken the time to bless me with her sarcasm, and because I follow any post idea I can get these days, I have decided to compose this open letter.
Dear pegoleg,
I would like to begin by thanking you for your comment. By you leaving a note at the bottom of my posts, it makes it seem like sometimes people actually stop by my site and read it. Which, although it may not be necessarily true, is a facade that I can happily keep up thanks to your frequent comments.
I would like to use the body of my letter to address your questions because your inquiries are dear to me and I want to see to it that your curiosities are satisfied. Also, because as I said above, it’s day hundred-and-something in 2011 and I’ve removed my filter for whether or not to pursue a blog idea immediately.
Now I just do it before bed, schedule it for morning, and wake to reap the consequences.
In my defense, there is such a thing as “Emergency Glow Sticks”. And while it seems like a silly child’s toy for a late night parade, I assure you that the glow sticks that have amassed beneath my kitchen sink are no small potatoes. They are super charged, super bright, 12-hour glow sticks and they will not be mocked. After you crack and shake them, they continue to slowly and discreetly release a faint hiss that makes me concerned about the reaction that caused the eye-blinding neon liquid to form. In fact, I just cracked one to check the validity of my claim, and aside from the usual hyperbole you’ve come to expect from me, this is all totally accurate. Because I kind of don’t know where I’m going to put it for the next 11.95 hours.
I’m not quite sure what you use in your home in the event of disaster. We’re fresh out of oil and torches, so I thought it best to stash the glow sticks in their absence. This is indeed the extent of my disaster plan. Well, these and a pretty complex blanket fort.
I would stash fireflies and sparklers, but unfortunately they don’t come out until summer.
I hope that this helps clear things up. If you have any further questions or concerns, you know where to find me. And as always, thank you so much for stopping by.
Puppies and Sprinkles,
Jackie ♣
The Jackie Blog 
I must admit I was thinking about the glow-in-the-dark rainbow bracelets that 5 year-olds get at carnivals. I was picturing you running around your apartment with them wrapped around your wrists, ankles and neck, come the apocalypse. I wasn’t thinking about industrial-strength neon flares. My bad.
LikeLike
That was my old plan. Then Dave’s father brought a bag of these super nutso sticks and I’ve been excited to break them out ever since. Thanks for giving me an excuse to 😉
LikeLike
I’ve written about UTI’s and an addiction to positive feedback from sellers on eBay.
After reading this bloggie, and seeing the taters stuck to pegolegs fingers while rested on a steering wheel in her current post, theres really not much to say….
I’m humbled.
LikeLike
Bah! I wrote about a UTI, too! The day I almost got arrested. Thank God, I’m not the only one who’s written about a UTI! (Wait, did I just steal your individuality mojo?
)
LikeLike
I had thought I was pretty special for writing about my UTI, that I didn’t know was a UTI, which led to an embrassing sex denial blurting encounter with the handsome attending physician.
Allow me to shamefully PLUG my blog… (one of the few rare bloggies I’ve written that make much sense)
See part one: http://misslouella.wordpress.com/2009/09/21/exhaustion/
See part 2: http://misslouella.wordpress.com/2009/09/30/the-diagnosis/
I’m going over to fish your UTI bloggie out now, I hope its easy to find, and if it isnt, I hope its worth the hunt!
lol
LikeLike
Thanks, but the fingers are my daughter’s. My hands are so fat nothing smaller than Idaho bakers would fit.
What are UTIs?
LikeLike
UTI – Urinary Tract Infection – Otherwise known as the honeymooners disease since apparently 75% of cases are caused by excessive humping!
Whats a Idaho Baker?
LikeLike
My mother actually used to keep small potatoes under the sink. Weird.
In a somewhat disturbing way, I’m beginning to totally support your glow stick thing. Flashlight batteries die after a few hours, and candles will burn your house down. I’m thinking you’re on to something.
LikeLike
Where did she put the big potatoes?
LikeLike
What are UTIs, she says. Lucky woman, never to have had one! Urinary tract infections. Also known as bladder infections. Also known as Things That Make You Want To Die.
For the record, I whispered the full name of the condition. It’s one of those things one doesn’t discuss in polite company for some reason, which is why Lucille and I share the “distinction” of having written about them.
http://thesinglecell.wordpress.com/2011/04/10/visions-of-jumpsuits-and-undesirable-nicknames/
LikeLike
I don’t know what to say to this. That is all.
LikeLike
Reading this on a Monday morning. This is internet gold!
Don’t forget your large sack of rice. It goes a looong way during emergencies. I eat it nearly everyday.
LikeLike
You eat nearly a large sack of rice every day? That’s absurd. 😛
LikeLike
I just read this. This post is brilliant.
LikeLike
I’m glad you like it. If you haven’t already, mosey on over to Pegoleg’s site if you’re looking for brilliant. 🙂
LikeLike
Ever late to respond… Jackie, Glow sticks are a great idea. We even use them in the emergency services as a tactical lighting option. For night time exercises involving multiple injured we use different colored ones to prioritize people. The glow stick doesn’t get enough respect! People think its child’s play! Poor glow stick!
Further, your public safety friend would be more than happy to help you prep an emergency kit… it would be epic.
Bugs & fishes!
LikeLike
YES! THANK YOU! And I’ll have you know my power was out last night and they performed very, very well. Top notch.
And after seeing you go nuts about my fire alarms, I can only imagine how well-equipped you could make me in the event of disaster 🙂
LikeLike
This is awesomme
LikeLike