Get It Together, Mother Nature

24 Apr

File:Lightning3.jpg

I’ve gotta say – April has been preeetty unimpressive in the thunderstorm realm.

I hate pathetic thunderstorms.   At the slightest rumble, I grab my emergency glow sticks from beneath the sink and lay them around the apartment, in hopes that the electricity will be zapped and I’ll finally have an excuse to crack them open in their chemical, neon green glory.  I run to the window, pull up the blinds, and anxiously stare out toward the eerie orange sky awaiting an awesome thunderstorm.

But the awesome never comes.

April has been nothing but rain, clouds, and more rain, and I can’t even get a little heat lightning out of the deal.  Just a rumble, a tease, and then – nothing.  

I love a good thunderstorm.  I want lightning that cracks right beside the apartment and makes me wonder if I’m going to die.  I want torrents of rain that put rubble and branches in the streets and make everyone want to stay indoors.  I want my television to BOOP BOOP BOOP on a poorly colored, archaic station that has a robotic voice telling everyone that anything in the open air is unsafe.    I want tips and tricks to flash across the screen for what to do if you find yourself in an open field.  I want several grids to shut down so that people are wary at intersections and I have to whip out some candles and play rudimentary time-passing games in my living room.

But none of that has happened.  Not once.

What kind of a spring goes by without a good T-storm?  It’s bad enough that winter has wiggled its way almost completely to the rise of our May flowers – must I also endure a perk-less spring? 

Lame.  Super lame.

Listen up, mother nature.  I’m sick of this willy-nilly weather.  When you’re winter, you’re winter all the way.  We get bone-chilling cold, blizzards, and frozen car windows.  So when you’re springtime, be springtime.  I want thunderstorms, craziness, and flowers to follow.  I want freshly mowed grass and orange skies that lead to violent lightning cracks.   I don’t want to have to give you a lesson in the properties of the four seasons. 

So get it together, will ya? 

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14 Responses to “Get It Together, Mother Nature”

  1. sarah April 24, 2011 at 5:10 pm #

    if there’s anything i remember about my years in western pa, it’s that the storms don’t come until the cusp of summer. hold out for june.

    Like

    • Jackie April 25, 2011 at 10:23 pm #

      I. hate. waiting.

      Like

  2. thesinglecell April 24, 2011 at 5:51 pm #

    I, too, adore crazy storms. We have tornado warnings here today. It usually has to be kinda hot for thunderstorms to really get going, so maybe when the temps get going, you’ll be gratified. But a couple weeks ago there was an I mean ASTONISHING lightning storm – sans thunder. Incredible. Every five seconds the whole sky would crack open with eletricity. Never seen anything like it.

    Like

    • Jackie April 25, 2011 at 10:23 pm #

      That’s true – I’m just anxious. My patience sucks.

      Like

  3. pegoleg April 24, 2011 at 6:27 pm #

    When Mother Nature picks up the gauntlet you just threw down, at least you’ll be prepared.

    Because your emergency plan is glow sticks, right? If the power goes out, that’s what you’re going to count on to see you through. What, you couldn’t find any fireflies? The store was out of sparklers?

    Like

    • Robin Waller April 25, 2011 at 10:49 am #

      FYI: Fireman and EMS use glow sticks and flares.

      Like

      • pegoleg April 25, 2011 at 11:03 am #

        So I’ve been told. Our genial blogging hostess already, what’s the expression?, ripped me a new one.

        Like

        • Jackie April 25, 2011 at 10:15 pm #

          I totally did not. I paid you homage. There is a fine distinction.

          Like

      • Jackie April 25, 2011 at 10:17 pm #

        YES. Point.

        Like

      • pegoleg April 26, 2011 at 9:48 am #

        Homage, reeming – sometimes there is a very fine line 🙂

        Like

  4. The_Observationalist_NYC April 24, 2011 at 9:54 pm #

    Wait, are you wishing that we had a more severe winter this past season? NYC was beset with all sorts of weather-related issues. I’m so glad to be done with those three months.

    But I agree that this Spring has been rather lackluster. It’s so rainy and grey here. Which I’m fine with; but, with all the rain, can’t we at least manage a good thunder clap? Seriously, if it’s going to rain all the time, I want some noise and lighting effects!

    Like

    • Jackie April 25, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

      Exactly!

      Like

  5. joeandharryabroad April 25, 2011 at 4:12 am #

    I totally understand- I LOVE a good thunder storm! In Malta we get some pretty impressive ones around October. Electricity going out, huge forks of purple and blue, 10 foot waves! They’re the best!

    Like

    • Jackie April 25, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

      ooooh I wanna come to Malta.

      Like

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