I hate salads.
The only way I’ll happily eat grass is if you dress it up so that I can’t recognize it as such. I need chicken, cheese, and a creamy dressing – and let’s face it: by the time all that’s in the mix, it’s not healthy anymore so what’s the point of even trying. I can find burgers with less calories than some salads.
I keep trying different dressings, different mixtures, different greens and it always reverts to the same miserable experience. I don’t like rabbit food. I was raised on cheese and grease and bread and that’s what I like. Sad, but true.
Now I’m not so sure I can say I hate all salads. There are lots of types of salads and I’m not really sure what the term “salad” even means since there can be potato salad, fruit salad, etc. Maybe salad is just a word for “miscellaneous stuff”. Maybe fruit salad just means “miscellaneous fruit stuff”.
In that case, I don’t like salads because I can’t trust them. Just because I like macaroni salad that I buy a local grocer doesn’t mean I’ll like your grandmother’s or your uncle’s, because I have absolutely no idea what those people are putting in it. The one at my local grocer could make potato salad out of potatoes, mayonnaise and eggs and your grandmother could make it out of potatoes, mayonnaise and babies.
You can’t trust something with no boundaries.
I think I’m done trying. I have shoved too many green and purple leaves down my throat and chugged water to keep them down. I’ve bought fancy lettuce, baby lettuce, cheap lettuce, and pre-mixed lettuce. I’ve tried 4 dollar salad dressings that go right in the trash. Salads are stealing my money and my joy and I won’t have it any longer. Today, I officially renounce salads.
Let the revolution begin. ♣