Drugs, She Wrote

5 Jun

Super groovy pic by Ollie Olarte. Click the image to check out their Flickr PhotoStream.

Let’s do a little investigative work.

Now I know that I’ve used my blog as a forum to discuss my crazy theories more times than one.  There was the one about the cleaning lady at work using tissue boxes to run drugs.  And then the one about my dad being a drug dealer.  And well, now this.  But listen – these things come to me.  I don’t just walk around looking for evidence of an underground drug ring.  I’m telling you: I’m on to something.  

Bear with me.

So I’ve been frequenting this cafe lately that features wireless Internet because of a long complicated story that involves me losing my Internet.  Which has, in turn, made daily blogging even more of a challenge.  Super awesome.

The other night I was there until closing (around 10pm) trying to finish up a post and take care of every Internet need I could possibly have until the next moment I could get in touch with the magical Interwebz.  And just before 10pm, the worker put a black trash bag out on the sidewalk.  No big deal, right? Probably trash.  Let it go, Jackie.

But at 10:10, I was still there, mooching off the Internet from just outside the cafe because I had to finish a few things real quick-like. And at 10:11, a man pulled up in a dinky little car, got out, grabbed the black trash bag, threw it in his trunk, and drove away.


Okay, what was it? What’s in there? I need to know.  It wasn’t just recyclables.  Recycling is free in the city – they would just put it out on recycling day.  Even if it were recyclables, there are far better business to pick them up from.  Because I don’t see one glass or plastic container in this place.  And if it were trash, it would go out on trash day.  And why would someone want either of those things anyway?

It’s drugs.  

It’s probably an enormous bag of drugs.  Or something.  I don’t know, but it’s fishy.

So here’s what I’m thinking:  I’ll continue to frequent the cafe right before closing hour.  And I’ll keep an eye on this to see if it’s a trend or anomaly.  If it happens once more, then when I come back the third time, I will grab the trash bag and replace it with a similar bag full of stuffed animals and a note saying “I’m on to you.”

Then I can take the bag I’ve recovered and see what’s inside and what all the fuss is about.  Best case scenario: it’s full of gold.  Worst case scenario: it’s poo.  If it’s somewhere in between (drugs), I can report it to the police and be the coolest drug sleuth in all the land. And then I can bust the cleaning lady and my dad with my new street cred. 

Cases closed. 



9 Responses to “Drugs, She Wrote”

  1. misswhiplash June 5, 2011 at 9:44 am #

    Dear Miss Sleuth.
    Your actions are commendable and extremely brave for one so young.
    Now it may be harmless as you say BUT if it should be drugs..you could be dealing with the Mafia. If it was a big black car that took away the black bag..it was sure to be Mafia.
    Now I know that they don’t take too kindly to dear little young ladies interfering in Mafia business, so before you grab the bag and disappear into the darkness of the night, consider that you could get the Mafia on your trail and we would never hear from Jackie again.

    love from me (won’t give my name in case the Mafia read this blog)


    • Jackie June 5, 2011 at 6:14 pm #

      LOL Very nice. I’ll be sure that if I pursue this (which isn’t likely now that it’s outed to likely be pastries), I will be safe and keep an eye out for the Mafia. If I stop posting, you’ll know why. 😉


  2. Lori June 5, 2011 at 11:15 am #

    Hey! Having lived with a barista and worked at a shelter, I’d guess the bag contained pastries and other food that is near expiration. The car was likely driven by a poor, but benevolent, nonprofit employee or volunteer of some organization that feeds the homeless and the hungry. If that’s the case, good for the cafe for giving!


    • pegoleg June 5, 2011 at 3:09 pm #

      I agree with Lori – I thought homeless shelter right away. The one I work at gets the days-end products from Starbucks, which is how I knew that their pastries are lousy 🙂

      It’s not as funny as the drug-drop idea, though.


      • Jackie June 5, 2011 at 6:11 pm #

        Ya’ll are totally right. It’s gotta be pastries. I’m no longer excited because your logic has killed my enthusiasm.


    • Jackie June 5, 2011 at 6:12 pm #

      You are so right, imagination killer.


  3. KristenSays June 5, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    oooh you are totally on to something! do it do it! but wait til lollipop tuesday so you can kill 2 birds…

    ick, i hope it’s not a bag of dead birds…


    • Jackie June 5, 2011 at 6:12 pm #

      LOL that would be awful. And require explaining.


  4. Jules June 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm #

    Oh rly!


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