Establishing My Alter Ego

10 Jun

I don’t trust brunettes.

I don’t mean any old brunettes.  I mean cute faced, nice-bodied brunettes.  The ones that can swipe on a little blush, run their fingers through their hair, and make men melt.

I used to think it was redheads I had to worry about.  I spent all my time wanting to be one.  I’m a pathetic shade of strawberry blonde and have always wished it were more strawberry than blonde.  So I’d occasionally turn to the bottle, only to have it fade or grow out and be stuck with my same, bland self.

But you know what? A knockout redhead is hard to find.  An all-natural redheaded sex vixen is a difficult thing to pull out of a general pool of genes that typically includes pasty skin, invisible eyebrows, and enough freckles to draw your own skin constellations.

Don’t get me wrong – if you find yourself a redheaded sex pot, she’s dangerous as hell. 

Sweet smile from a pretty girl

Photo by "tibcris" Click to check out his Flickr PhotoStream

I can’t help but wonder what it might be like to be a pocket-sized dark haired yowza.  I feel like I could rule the world.  I mean, I know the difference in how I’m treated when I put on makeup and when I don’t.  Imagine if I actually had something to work with before I put on the makeup.  I could rule entire nations.

I’m pretty sure that’s what Beyonce’s trying to get at.

Maybe I should turn to the bottle and try a dose of brunette.  I mean, nothing can be done for the pasty skin but perhaps the fact that I have bright blue eyes will help counterbalance my obvious disdain toward tanning.  Yeah – maybe I’ll do the cute brunette long bob thing.  You know – that thing where they walk around with their bouncy, short, brown hair and giggle and look like their entire lives are effortless and gorgeous?  I’ll get some kind of cutesy summer dress and work myself up an alter ego.  You know – try her out for a while.

Maybe I’ll name her Myra.

Then again, if I thought growing out slight shades of red was difficult, I’m sure trying to work through the blonde-roots-brown-ends thing will really pose a challenge.   Especially when paired with a too-long-bob. 

This has some serious backfire potential. 

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12 Responses to “Establishing My Alter Ego”

  1. egills June 10, 2011 at 9:21 am #

    Having been a natural brunette with a silver stripe since my late teens I’m a great believer in highlights and lowlights…. one solid colour just fades and looks fake, get down the hairdressers and have some foils 🙂

    As for the whole swipe of blush etc… I bet they spend hours getting ready – it’s an art form putting makeup on and looking as if you’re natural. One I never managed to learn.

    Like

    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:52 pm #

      Oh how cool with the silver stripe! I might rock some foils. I’m seriously considering doing some highlights now.

      Like

  2. pegoleg June 10, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    I’m with you. Blondes are supposed to have more fun, but brunettes are seen as smarter and more elegant. Who decided that? I always wanted to have a silky fall of dangerously dark, auburn hair, which would not work at all with my sturdy, red-cheeked Norwegian milk-maid face.

    Like

    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:51 pm #

      haha Norwegian milk-maid. Hey – the blonde milk-maid thing is hot. You know, with the right costume.

      Like

  3. KristenSays June 10, 2011 at 11:33 am #

    i love this post because, as a fellow natural blonde, we’re usually the ones who are snubbed, stereo-typed, mocked, just for the color of our hair. it’s ridiculous.

    i tried the going auburn experiment once. it was beautiful, made my green eyes really stand out. women were much nicer to me, men paid less attention to me. and every time i looked in the mirror, i scared the crap out of myself! i had no idea who this non-blonde was, and i really missed my bad-ass blonde self. it took over a year to get the red out, and i vowed never to do that again.

    so i say, embrace your blondeness!!

    [but foils and self tanner really do work wonders ;)]

    Like

    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:51 pm #

      Maybe I’ll embrace the blonde in me. Maybe that’s the answer. Some subtle, no-regret highlights to make me feel less bland.

      We shall see..

      Like

  4. thesinglecell June 10, 2011 at 12:00 pm #

    My hair is naturally a shade I call River-Bottom Brown. It really isn’t a color. So I do the highlight thing, as natural-looking as possible (thank goodness for good colorists), which converts me to a sort of respectable blonde. Not too blonde. It’s really all I can do: I’m pasty pale, with brown eyes. I was actually blonde when I was a kid, so it works. And when the roots grow, it still looks fine. I haven’t seen a full head of my natural hair color since I was 20. I did a red rinse once. Ahem. Once. Of course, there’s a lot more gray to deal with now (dammit)… But I had never thought about what it would be like for a natural blonde to try to go darker and deal with the root fallout. Huh. Anyway, I’m with egills; it takes longer for “natural” beauties to look “naturally” beautiful. Regardless, when you look the way you want because it’s what makes YOU happy… THAT’s what makes you beautiful.

    Like

    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:50 pm #

      haha that’s how I feel! Like my color isn’t much of a color at all. But that growing-it-out thing is definitely enough for me to shy away from experimentation. Maybe I’ll turn to the red again. Le sigh.

      And you’re right – there are lots of ladies who seem lovely that wake up looking like swamp monsters. I just have to remember that when I see them out and men fawning all over them 🙂

      Like

  5. Tammy June 10, 2011 at 6:48 pm #

    I go for the redhead look myself. Turns my man’s head every time so if that’s all it takes to keep him interested I’ll use the bottle everytime to keep the grey out.

    Like

  6. The_Observationalist_NYC June 11, 2011 at 4:40 pm #

    I dyed my hair red my last year of grad school. Since I’m a rather dark brunette, nothing really happened, and I just became a warm-toned chestnut haired fella. Determined, I bleached a chunk of hair and gave myself a red stripe, slightly off center.

    It was a bad idea.

    Like

    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

      LOL Once in eighth grade, I got two bright platinum blonde streaks done right in the front of my hair on either side.

      It was also a bad idea.

      Like

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