I Am the Geek Squad

11 Jun

I’m breaking free of my Internetless chains.

For about a month now, I’ve been without access to the magical Interwebz within the comfort of my own home.  It’s been a lovely obstacle to my post a day adventure.

But I’ve had enough now.

This whole thing started because I got in a fight with Comcast customer service and decided I didn’t need their stinking Internet service.  Something about my rates constantly being hiked without warning, get routed to the wrong service center every time I called, and waiting 30 minutes to talk to a human just really turned me off to the world-at-my-fingertips thing.

Not that it was the Internet’s fault.

And there’s been something quite lovely about having to get out of my house every evening to go write a post, but it really sucks on weekends when all I want to do is sleep in, walk around in pajamas, and eat chocolate.   And since I’m thinking of showing up at the cafe with a bag of chocolate chips and PJs, I think it’s time I give in and get another service provider.   And I’m also really tired of not being able to look things up when I want to know them.   I never realized how many times I Google something in a day until I was suddenly unable to do so.   There are lots of random things I like to look up every day.  Like store hours, phone numbers, how long an entire frozen chicken takes to thaw, whether the mushrooms in the fridge are bad or just look bad, what movies are playing…  I need to know things.  A lot of things.  So yesterday I asked the folks at Verizon to send me some Interwebz.

…But I didn’t want to pay the service fee for installation so they’re sending me a kit.

That’s right – a kit.  In approximately 4 days, I will be buried in a list of instructions, cords, and hopelessness.  I will tell myself the same thing I tell myself when I need to construct furniture or do my taxes: millions of people have accomplished this all over the world.  And at least one of those people has been dumber than me.  And they succeeded.  Logic dictates that I can also succeed.

I don’t really have any data from which I formed this hypothesis.  Even if I could get the stats for how many people attempt those things per year and calculate approximately how many of them have less education or common sense than me, there’s absolutely no way to know how many of those people pieced together furniture that didn’t topple over the next day or do taxes that didn’t get audited.

I could make some really good fake pie graphs to make myself feel better though.

How hard can self installation be? I mean – they offer it as an option.  One would think that there are several people who look at the $100+ fee and look at the self-installation (free) option and think “eh… I’ll do it.”

I have a lot of faith that I can pull this together on my own.  Unfortunately, there will be no way for me to Google for common problems or search for advice while I’m undergoing the process.   And if it takes too long, the cafe will close and I’ll have no way to post for that day.  Note to self: go to cafe, write post, then attempt self-installation.

Giddy up. 


14 Responses to “I Am the Geek Squad”

  1. Margie June 11, 2011 at 9:15 am #

    I have a girlfriend who fixed the engine of her lawn mower by going to the library, reading a book about fixing small engines, jotting down some notes, then coming home and fixing it. In comparison, I think Internet hook up should be a cinch… maybe…


    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm #

      Holy cow you’re gf sounds amazing. Like what’s his name from “A Series of Unfortunate Events”. The kid. Or anyone in the Matrix, really.

      I’ll keep her success in mind 🙂


  2. misswhiplash June 11, 2011 at 10:59 am #

    Three cheers for Jackie! One! Two! Three!
    I applaud you Jackie , you are braver than I am. I would never attempt such a feat as to try to install a new ISP. I am alright at downloading but not putting things together.

    I send you lots and lots of best wishes that you will succeed in your quest.

    love P


    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:42 pm #

      Thank you so much, P. I sure hope I succeed. Not only would I like the feeling of accomplishment, but I really don’t want to spend 100 smackos for someone to come do something I couldn’t figure out myself. We’ll see! 🙂 Thanks for the warm wishes.


  3. The_Observationalist_NYC June 11, 2011 at 11:00 am #

    I’ve been without an Internet connection for 10 days now. I strangely feel like my life is over in ways; yes, it has been nice to trek out to any number of places (carrying a laptop) so I can check email, google to my heart’s content, and post blogs, but it is mighty inconvenient.

    I have to warn you: Verizon let me down. For 10 days, they haven’t been able to help or fix things, despite several repairmen and unhelpful customer service representatives.

    I can’t wait to join the real world again.


    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:39 pm #

      Oh man – I so hope that they don’t let me down. I’ve had fab service with my cell phone since I first got one. I’ve never changed providers because every time I need something, they’re grand. I was hoping that would translate over to them as an ISP too. Here’s hoping.

      Hope you get connected soon!


  4. KristenSays June 11, 2011 at 11:56 am #

    ah yes, internet providers. when we moved and had to switch services, i received an automated phone call from my new internet provider with instructions for hooking up my internet. the first instruction was: from my home computer, log on to their web site using the internet [which i did not yet have], type in a code and download instructions on how to connect my internet service to my home computer.
    um… what?

    i’m sure yours will be much more straightforward…


    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:37 pm #

      LOL wow. I mean really – wow.


  5. Jules June 11, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

    Geek Squad is major fail on so many levels. Hahaha
    Don’t ever associate yourself to them ever again. 😛

    Also, I did the same with the Verizon install package at work. Even a caveman can do it!


    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm #

      YES!! Wait. You work in computers, don’t you? haha


  6. pegoleg June 11, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

    Ye gads, woman, what’s next: do-it-yourself brain surgery? The good thing, is installing your own internet would qualify for a lollipop adventure. Good luck!


    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

      At least when attempting stupid new acts, I can always take solace in having my Tuesday post covered. 🙂


  7. Gypsy Queen June 11, 2011 at 7:30 pm #

    I had that same DIY attitude with state taxes this year. I filed in 13 states and 5 cities by downloading forms from the interwebz and figuring them out. I survived. i finished them. But I won’t ever try to file my taxes like that again so I’m curious if your installation story will end up as a morality tale about things you won’t ever do it again… 🙂


    • Jackie June 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm #

      I can’t believe you needed to file in 13 states! What on earth do you do for a living / what kind of crazy awesomeness are you up to? What a monster that must have been.


Say Something

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: