It’s My Birthday and I’ll Puke If I Want To

12 Jul
Birthday Cake - Candles

Photo by Jessica Diamond. Click to check out her Flickr Photostream.

It’s my birthday!

About ten years ago on this day, I would celebrate by promptly puking by guts out. 

I did that about every year for several years in a row.    Not just once or twice – several years in a row. There was just something about my birthday I found so darn exciting that I couldn’t contain the contents of my insides.  I literally became so excited that I hurled.  I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I didn’t get out much.

It was a pretty inconvenient tradition.  The first year it happened my parents assumed  I had taken ill and any plans to see friends, eat cake, or go to McDonald’s PlayPlace were postponed.   After a few years in a row they started to see a trend and my mother was enlisted to help me through the puking each morning.    As long as I got all the anxiety out in the AM, I was usually good to go by after-school celebrations.

I remember one year my older brother approached me in the couch to wish me a happy birthday and before he could close in for a hug, I spewed my guts into a large bowl my mother brought me from the kitchen specifically for the occasion.  It didn’t matter that he was family; any allusion to the importance of the day was enough to send anxiety through the acid in  my quivering stomach.  Like the exorcism of some violent hell demon, my head began to rotate as I expelled everything within me at the mere mention of birthday shenanigans.  Cats, brothers, furniture – nothing was spared the wrath of my innards.    Poor mom wanted to comfort me because she knew how hard the day was for me but when I hurled, she went running.

Her offspring or not, that woman has always hated throw-up.

And so I’m off to commence birthday shenanigans.  After all, I’m 25 today.  I’m a fully-fledged mid-twenties adult and I’ve got walking around and feeling responsible to do.  Heck, I might even renew my driver’s license today just to celebrate.

Here’s hoping I don’t spew on the DMV clerk. 


24 Responses to “It’s My Birthday and I’ll Puke If I Want To”

  1. misswhiplash July 12, 2011 at 9:06 am #



  2. The_Observationalist_NYC July 12, 2011 at 10:02 am #

    Happy birthday!


  3. pegoleg July 12, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    Happy, happy day you young thang!


    • Jackie July 17, 2011 at 3:41 pm #

      oh, “young thang” I like that 😉


  4. egills July 12, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    Happy Birthday.. crossed fingers you manage to contain yourself ( ew! )


  5. lexy3587 July 12, 2011 at 11:01 am #

    Happy birthday! keep your distance, though… air-hugs from across the room until it is certain that there will be no exorcist-re-enactments 🙂


    • Jackie July 17, 2011 at 3:40 pm #

      I did all right this year – I was very proud of myself haha


  6. Jules July 12, 2011 at 11:10 am #

    What?! Ahahahahaha.

    Enjoy 25 Jackie. I hope you find it as underwhelming as I did.

    Oh and happy birthday too.


    • Jackie July 17, 2011 at 3:40 pm #

      it truly is underwhelming. thanks. haha


  7. Paul Castle July 12, 2011 at 12:18 pm #

    Happy Birthday! — said from a safe distance. 😛


  8. thesinglecell July 12, 2011 at 12:18 pm #

    Wow. I’m going to whisper “happy birthday” at you in hopes that it will only produce a mild stomach flip.


    • Jackie July 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm #

      thanks for being so considerate 🙂 (and for the happy bday)


  9. Joey July 12, 2011 at 12:27 pm #

    More like Happy Barfday!


  10. kitchenmudge July 12, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

    Happy birthday. If you’re looking for a rite of passage into adulthood, as your last post implied, I think my own real “maturity” trauma happed when I was 28. I was pulled over for a minor traffic violation by a cop who was clearly younger than myself. These things don’t happen on arbitrary dates. They just happen.


    • Jackie July 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm #

      Oh man. I wonder what my real thud in the stomach will be from. Can’t wait 🙂


  11. sanetes July 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

    Happy Birthday Jackie!

    I’m in a safe distance. 🙂 The thing I have discovered about becoming older is we don’t really change much inside, apart from becoming more interesting from all the experiences we have already had.

    I think your Lollipop Tuesdays are an example of that. You’ll be talking about the crazy year of Lollipop Tuesdays when you are too old and frail to move about a lot. But by then you’ll certainly have a lot more to tell and I bet people will love to listen.


    • Jackie July 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm #

      thanks so much, S 🙂 I hope to have a bucket full of experience by the end of this year. I shall have done more growing than many years in the past combined!


  12. momma July 12, 2011 at 4:42 pm #

    Love you Daughter. I remember those hurling days so clearly. SO glad your Dad was there to clean up after you. I Love you to death but I still can’t handle hurling. Dad even cleans up Louie’s hurls nowdays. He’s so sweet.

    Have a super day. Hope the cupcakes I sent don’t make you hurl.


    • Jackie July 17, 2011 at 3:37 pm #

      lol thanks momma. and they’re delicious. 😀


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