I can’t remember the last time I slept.
I’m sure I slept some time ago – I just couldn’t really tell you when because quite frankly, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on right now. My life is currently being supported by a bag full of legal drugs including caffeine pills, energy shots, and a horde of Starbucks doubleshots.
I’m sure there were a slew of bad decisions that led to this, but mostly I blame my father, my birthday, and babies.
On Monday evening my dad needed a 60-page thesis reviewed for final edits. And make no mistake: verbally guiding your average keyboard-pecking baby boomer through edits over the phone is no quick task. It took a complete five and a half hours from start to finish and while I was more than ready to turn in at 4:00am Tuesday morning, I remembered I still had a blog post to write.
You’d think after 190-something blog posts in a row, writing one wouldn’t be something that has to make it on my “remember to do” list – but when sleepless, my idiocy knows no bounds.
I decided it was best to sleep at 4am and wake at 6am to write the post that would be published by 9. I woke, I wrote, I went to work., and looked forward to tasting the sweet, full-bodied flavor of sleep last night. Being my birthday and all, my work day was pretty easy to stay awake through with all the happy wishing and whatnot. I left the building promptly at 5pm to be greeted by my wonderful Dave, who soon realized that the car would not turn over and take us home.
It mocked us.
It was a lack of fuel parading as a dead battery, and while I appreciated getting it started and finally heading home, I did not appreciate the sleep time it cost me. I got home at 7pm with no time to nap before my 8pm birthday dinner date with friends. One large dinner and several large drinks later, I went home to happily sink into the beautiful nest of pillows and covers that never looked better but was greeted by a text proclaiming my sister-in-law was in labor. I called, I texted, I rejoiced, and then finally sank into my nest of hibernation.
Until my brother and father mentioned that they’d actually prefer I be there in person for the baby’s arrival: an unanticipated notion given that I had planned to drive in this weekend to spend time with everyone. I woke, Dave drove, I arrived at the waiting room at 3:00am, almost 2 days sleepless and chock full of every caffeine pill, shot, and drink convenience stores had to offer.
At 4:57am in a full zombie state I helped welcome into this world a moist, pasty new member of the family and was crowned with aunthood. I smiled, I rejoiced, I hugged, and then promptly noticed it was 6:05am and time to head back home. Dave drove, I supported his efforts from the passenger’s seat, and we arrived at 9:45am, just in time for me to show up very late to work. There, I will stare at my screen, click on emails, and ponder the intricacies of human language at a pace approximately ten times slower than normal. At the conclusion of my workday I will virtually have been awake for 56 hours straight and almost entirely non-functioning.
Yesterday a friend wished me a “very blogworthy” birthday. I considered it the best wish of all. And seeing as how I’ve had a car breakdown, a birthday experience, absolutely zero sleep, and a baby delivery, I’d say it certainly came true.
If only she would have wished I also had the mental faculties at the end of the day to be clever about it all. ♣