Facebook is getting so awkward, isn’t it?
Personally, I can’t take the pressure. It was bad enough when our parents, aunts, and uncles began to join. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I still manage to forget they’re in my contacts and I say something wildly inappropriate only to be scolded seconds later. Then all these apps and games and silly questionnaires came through and all the sudden I’m forced to virtually break up with my friend because she won’t stop telling me to water her virtual crops. Sure, I could just weed through my privacy settings and try to block app invites, but if my friend is the kind of person that constantly bugs me to water her fake crops, do I really want to be her friend anymore?
These are the sorts of hard-hitting questions I’m faced with every time Facebook ‘upgrades’.
Things got even more intense when Facebook leveled-up to real-time updates so that when you stare at your mini-feed you can actually see someone’s comment post at the very moment they do it. And now, the ultimate mega stresser: Facebook chat.
It could be the super awkward hermit in me, but the chat is where I draw the line. The beauty of Facebook used to be that it was casual and cool. People could post on each other’s walls at their leisure. In a world where the weight of a cell phone text or an email is so heavy that people expect a response immediately, Facebook was the one place I could still go if I wanted to socialize at a relaxed pace.
Facebook relaxation is now dead to me.
When I log on, I have updates that need tended to. I have people commenting on pictures or saying hello or writing on my wall to ask me to hang out that same day. I have messages from friends who haven’t caught up in a while and think email is too impersonal. And sometimes while I’m tending to those things, someone is online at the very same moment and responds immediately. Immediately! Then there’s all this pressure. Do I have to follow up? Can I go log off? They’re on. They see me. They know I updated only 5 seconds ago; it’s stamped right there in cold, gray text. I can’t possibly just leave – I have to finish the conversation.
I also have to manage my status updates. Because if I tell a friend I’m too busy to hang out one night but I update my status at 8:35pm saying how much I love Arrested Development, it’s voluntary incrimination. It doesn’t matter if it’s on in the background while I’m working. It doesn’t matter if I thought of a funny episode and it wasn’t even on television. That friendship is doomed.
Doomed.
Don’t even get me started on birthdays and engagements. Talk about stress! Seriously?! Every year on my birthday I have to be wished a happy birthday by hundreds of people I haven’t talked to in ages. On one hand, it’s nice to feel loved. On the other, you know that if any of those people really cared about your birthday they’d have called. Or written. Or emailed. And now I feel inclined to follow up with them to see how they are, but I don’t know if they were really reaching out or if they just wanted to hop on the birthday bandwagon.
I don’t even recognize some of their names.
I’m not the only one who feels this pressure. I know it. Because not long ago, some dear friends of mine got engaged. And while I was relishing in the happy moment with them, they admitted that they were quite exhausted because they had to be sure to call every single person that was even remotely close to them to let them know they were engaged before those people saw it on Facebook and got offended that they found out online and not from them.
You see? What are we doing to ourselves?!
So no, Facebook, I will not be utilizing your ‘Facebook Chat’. The last thing I need in this too-accessible age is to log on and be immediately available to a thousand people, try to figure out how to end conversations with everyone because I don’t want to deal with them, and then worry about what to update my status to that will be amusing but also not indicate that I was having too much ‘not-too-busy-to-chat’ fun.
Lord help us; Facebook will be the end of us all. ♣
The Jackie Blog 
Hahahahaha, I’ve never had this problem. Nobody ever talks to me on facebook anyway, so I never have to deal with this kind of pressure.
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you’re lucky. just know that you are lucky. 😉
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hello guys! I am a facebook junkie and am also working on a blog post on that phenomena..
and totally get what you mean
called my bro an idiot on one of my comments..
only to later realize he was on my friends list.
DOOMED.
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LOL bad move. surely a bad move.
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“Sure, I could just weed through my privacy settings and try to block app invites, but if my friend is the kind of person that constantly bugs me to water her fake crops, do I really want to be her friend anymore?” – in order to deal with this kind of ridiculousness, I both block app invites and then I un-friend the person. Hit ’em from both sides. 😉
I agree with everything you said in this post, and that’s why every couple of months, I delete friends that I haven’t had any contact with in a while. I have a cut-off point. I’m kind of a jerk like that, I guess, but I don’t want to be stressed out using Facebook; the fewer the friends, the less stress. Haha.
Excellent post and very worthy of being Freshly Pressed! Congrats! 🙂
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I finally deleted my Facebook page for multiple reasons…however, you have hinted at one that was a terrible problem for me.
I, like you, would occasionally do a little house cleaning in my friends list. I don’t know if Facebook notifies those that have been deleted or if these particular friends kept close track of the number…but for whatever reason (and this is no joke), each time I would delete someone, I would receive a message. “Are we not friends anymore?” Really?!?
I certainly don’t think you’re being a jerk. There’s no need to be stressed out using a website. Life is truly stressful enough! 🙂
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I don’t get the “Are we not friends anymore messages”, but I will say that as soon as I delete someone, within 24 hours or less, they’ve asked me to be a friend again! What’s up with that??
I refuse to feel pressured into becoming friends with people again, so I ignore the request…betcha think I’m a bit of a jerk NOW, don’t you? Haha.
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Certainly don’t think you’re a jerk – I think it makes sense. For a while, it was just autopilot to friend folks we weren’t all that close to. But now we’ve seen the error of our ways 🙂
Thanks for the kudos, for stopping by, and for contributing!
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http://facebook.com/theGritz I dont have a personal page anymore i just run a community artist page. its a little more leisureable. lol
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I should give that a go 🙂 maybe that would be a good out
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Real life facebook – funny.
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Creepy but funny. You should also see the South Park episode about Facebook.
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Oh that is a great one! 🙂
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I shall certainly have to watch. Used to be an avid follower but I dropped cable and have to pursue things online and on netflix now. Thanks for the recommendation!
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I love this! haha thanks for sharing!!
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After a series of incidents with far-flung inlaws, I no longer do Facebook. As far as I am concerned, my page and info filed on the Facebook program can rot in the computer banks. I additionally took steps to remove all “easy connections” to Facebook on my WordPress poetry site of many years. As for me, I will take “real” one-one relationships with individuals, I truly love and care about, in my social future.
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good for you! I hope to someday follow in the path you’ve blazed 🙂
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I just turn About- Face(book) and look the other way…I’m working on the anti-social network…
spread the humor:charlywalker.wordpress.com
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Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
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I miss when facebook wasn’t a responsibility. People now know LESS because of it. Truthfully, would anyone remember a birthday nowadays if it WEREN’T on facebook?
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very true. I stopped remembering people’s phone numbers when cell phones were born and I stopped remembering people’s birthdays when Facebook was born.
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Or you could just use facebook for friends that do not live near you… and just check in from time to time. Remember you are not in this world to live up to my expectations and neither I am in it to live up to yours. Maybe you can use it the way you want to and people will have to deal with it.
Peace
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Yes, exactly! It’s like with cell phones—you have it for your convenience, not for everyone else’s convenience!
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so easy to forget, isn’t it?
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I love this – thank you so much for contributing 🙂
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I am with you on every single point here!! I have to censor myself like crazy (god forbid co-workers ask to ‘friend’ me!) and feel WAY too much pressure when it comes to remembering to wish random people happy birthday/anniversary just because they did for me! Groan. There’s a reason I was never that popular in school.
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I have a strict ‘no co-workers’ policy. I think everyone should! 🙂
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More reasons why I’m glad my wife and I are not on Facebook.
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Good for you both! I hope to join your ranks of freedom soon 🙂
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I use Facebook as a vehicle to keep in touch with faraway relatives. I dislike watching the play by play of someone’s divorce or family dramas play out. And I am never “online” on FB .. no one knows I’m “on” except me .. and I’ll keep it that way.
One day I hid all games & apps and realized that no one I knew was doing anything but that … wow!!
Great post – MJ
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It becomes much more palatable once you update your privacy settings and make some tough decisions about what to include and not – I agree!
Thanks for dropping by 🙂
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There are way too many funny statements I could quote in this piece. And I am in total agreement with you – it is the end of ‘civilization’ as we know it. The pressure!!! The absurdity! This could be the start of the apocalypse…
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It’s flattering to be called quotable 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing!
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It definitely can get awkward when you get back in touch with someone and then you realize why you hadn’t been in touch all those years! I give people three strikes when it comes to posting extremely rude comments and then they are blocked…I don’t care how close we once were. Now my 20 year reunion is coming up next year and some of them will surely be there. The definition of awkward would be if any of them confronted me and asked why they were blocked, especially if I have had a couple of bloody marys and decide to tell them honestly!!
But at best, I look at Facebook as a series of webpages and people you “friend” are just subscribers. Ideally, that is. So I have to police my own page like I’m a moderator, right? It really has no bearing on offline life. Ideally.
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I like the 3 strike rule What will be more awkward than the run-ins at the 20 year reunion will be the Facebook friend requests you get afterward 😉
I like the concept of policing my page like a moderator as well – which I’m getting a lot better at!
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Too many reasons to despise Facebook…
A show or magazine suggests you visit their website to sign up for coupons and/or discounts. Lo and behold, the Facebook sign up page appears. And unless you’re a member (which I’m not…I’ve been “sober” for nearly two years), you are inelligible to visit, let alone take part.
A potential employer could deny a job based on what you do in your personal life…because you announce and display it on Facebook.
The concept was great…the result is…terrifying.
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I find it hilarious (and creepy) when someone complains about a product in their status and ads appear for it in their sidebars. 🙂
It’s crazy how serious it can be when in certain realms – like employment – or even the court of law. Seriously – I read once that a facebook status can be submitted as evidence. Craziness.
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Yes, especially when your family is racist and sexist and don’t believe in jokes.
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I can see how that would make it more awkward.
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Totally agree. http://notyourchurchcookbook.com/2011/06/07/has-facebook-become-a-national-lampoon%e2%80%99s-style-christmas-vacation-that-never-ends/
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I’m really floored by how many folks agree and/or have written similar ideas themselves. WordPress is obviously a ripe breeding ground for a revolution 😉
Thanks for sharing!
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Google +………circles………choosing who sees what!!!
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https://plus.google.com/108373706098387762244/posts
🙂 But seriously, I love Google+ ..so far…
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I find myself unconciously nodding whilst reading your post, as I’m sure other members of Facebook will be. I’m guilty of appearing ‘offline’ on Facebook chat whilst I’m very much online updating photos and what not. I’m guilty of the monthly friends hack off date – to be honest, I’m not particularly interested what my old primary school acquaintance is up to.
Note, I said acquaintance. Because that’s another down side to Facebook… Half of the people you are friends with on there, really are people you would nod to in passing on the street. They’re not the ones you would stop and have a conversation with. People who have 1,000+ friends on there… Do they stop and chat to every single person? Do they send christmas cards to every one of them? No!
It’s a trend. No more than that. A useful trend, might I add, if you’re a student like myself who uses the network to share things with people at home etc etc… But I don’t spend my entire life on there chatting, messaging and leaving comments on every friends wall. There are much personal ways of communication than that.
Such a great piece, well done! Worthy of Freshly Pressed!
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I’m not convinced that anyone really sends Christmas cards that is from the Facebook generation. I do, but I don’t count. I hope it’s just a trend. Logic dictates that it is, as everything comes and goes and eventually people will tire of having everything so public… but sometimes I see how incredibly saturated our lives are with it and I wonder if it will really ever die.
Thanks so much for the kudos and for stopping by to share!
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Agree with you much, facebook has really become a raving, possessive and controlling lover.
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ah, I like the lover metaphor. Yes yes. 🙂
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Dooooooomed!!!
I can’t stop laughlin!!
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lol so glad you enjoyed
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I agree with you 100%. FB is a lot to keep up with these days. I also avoid FB chat. I’m pretty sure the devil created it. 😉
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The whole thing is from the devil methinks 😉
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As a teenager, I am still proud to brag of not having a facebook.
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Never had one either – I used to think it could help me
be a more well-known writer, but now it’s seems
so superficial and pointless.
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I must admit one of the things keeping me tied is that it’s such a great publicity tool. But perhaps it’s time to let it go and take the hit in readers.
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And you darn well should be. Grats – and don’t give in! It may seem appealing sometimes, but we’re all just trying to dig back out 🙂
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I agree with everything youve said. Havent had a fb for over a year now. Good stuff.
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I hope to be able to say that someday 🙂
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Hey let me tell you if your want to maintain some semblance of privacy (everyone needs space nothing wrong with that) Facebook is that wrong place to be.
If you don’t want any privacy then Facebook is the place to be. It’s pretty simple.
Keeping up with it is another issue because Facebook works round the clock making sure you can’t keep up with it!
LOL good luck everyone.
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Sorry about the typo (that) I’m suffering from keeping up with it fatigue.
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How dare you make errors. HOW DARE YOU.
🙂
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thanks for laying it out for us 😛 It’s hard to break the bond when it’s such a good publicity tool and so many of my friends use it as a sole means of communication. But yes, alas, it seems the only way to avoid all this nonsense is to drop the account. Again, but for good this time 😉
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I completely ignore the chat function (turn it off) and the birthday list is a fab reminder for someone like me who does not remember anyone’s birthday….ever. lol!
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I recently realized I don’t know when any of my friends’ birthdays are anymore.
I do still have some of their old phone numbers memorized from back in the day before cell phones though! 🙂
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Ha, the only way I was allowed a Facebook a few years ago was because my parents had one. I know, right?
The only benefit I see in Facebook now, is the need to stay in touch with relatives. Not friends. Relatives. (I have a cell phone for friends.) I a lot of people think they’ll keep Facebook after parting with longtime friends only to keep in contact with them years into the future, when in reality, that’s not the case. No one really does that, in my opinion, unless they’re family.
I’ve been slowly unhitching my life from Facebook for a while, and I’m not yet an adult. It just gets old, and yes, I agree…awkward. I don’t use chat much anymore either. I don’t like to be bothered by four individuals at once asking about homework (although at times, that is another benefit of fb) or random and pointless topics. Other social networks will conquer. Adding on to pegoleg’s comment, yes, tumblr is a growing community…not as convenient as Facebook, but young people, like myself, are discovering places like tumblr. So it won’t last, in my opinion.
Facebook might as well be MySpace all over again.
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MySpace was just one big whinefest, wasn’t it? Man I don’t miss it one bit.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
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Great post. I was just talking with a friend the other day about how FB has become needy and desperate, and I am so done with that – except, like you, for my family members – of which I have a huge contingency.
I do like Google+, but that will probably just become another Facebook soon enough.
Good luck!
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I like Google+ too. Wonder if it will go anywhere… 🙂
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I know what you mean, I’m staying as far away from Facebook chat as I can. I know that I feel bad too when a friend comments five seconds after I post, but I don’t really feel like talking right then. That’s why I’ve set up a precedent, long before joining Facebook, I almost never respond to things like txt’s and emails immediately. My friends don’t expect it from me because they know how I am, so when I reply ten hours later they’re not surprised or insulted, but if I reply immediately they’re pleasantly surprised. It’s a decent system.
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This is what I need to do. I need to just make it widely known that I don’t play by the rules. 🙂
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I hear high school are now putting Facebook screen names instead of real names under student’s pictures in year books. That’s awkward. I never would have chosen the FB screen name PantyLover78
Have a great day and congrats on being Freshly Updated, I mean Freshly Pressed.
Mr Bricks
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Hahaha. 😀
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Thanks!
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You can hide your birthday date. I requested that no one be notified of my birthday and no one was. Do it on on your privacy setting. As to responding to people you don’t want to respond to, don’t. I have no problem turning my computer off. How would they know that maybe you turned the computer off just before they sent a message?
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I think I shall hide it going forward. I do fear that in these times, folks don’t bother to remember birthdays at all anymore because they can just check Facebook. I know that even for the folks I actually care about and want to send a gift, I check Facebook first. Thanks for sharing!
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I love it! I wrote a few posts about Facebook a while ago…this is great!
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Thanks! I appreciate it 🙂
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I had no idea FB chat changed its format the other day, and so I would receive messages from my friends. Later when they asked why I didn’t respond I would just say “oh I wasn’t online” and all of a sudden I realized that people can see you no matter what, even if you’re not available to chat. Oh the awkward horror.
These days I go on FB for 5 minutes and get the heck out because I can’t deal with such invasion of privacy.
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Any internet experience is ultimatley what you make of it. While I agree with your basic premise that sometimes it can be awkward and annoying having all these things being flung at you that you may or may not have the least bit interest in its still up to you what to do about it. Not only that but if someone should unfriend you over ‘not watering crops’ then they were never friends of yours to begin with, and you should not be preassured.
Though you do raise a great point about chat personally sometimes I am going along minding my own buisness listening to the radio or chatting with someone else somewhere else and I hear the bleep. Then I feel compelled to post because I was stupid enough to be on and not go ‘stealth’ on chat. But thats my own fault and you know you could always be on FB and not be on the chat option, you can ‘lurk’ read all your FB messages, respond to the ones you want to, and well if anyone tries to talk to you I look at the not on to chat option as a giant ‘do not disturb sign’. Its someone elses fault for ignoring that sign and trying to communicate with you when you are trying to do other things.
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Well said – thanks for sharing!
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I totally agree with this post!!!! You are not a social hermit, you are just a normal human who isn’t possessed to keep in touch with everyone you know at every second of the day a.k.a. YOU HAVE A LIFE!!!! FB Should really tone it down. :p
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I don’t know that I “have a life”, but I like the insinuation. 😉 Thanks for reading!
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agree agree and couldn’t agree more!
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Thanks for backing me up 😉
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if they can’t water their own crops they just ain’t mature enough to have crops!
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LOL
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Loved this post for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that it affirms my reluctance to jump aboard the Facebook bandwagon! I’ve felt somewhat ostracized for rejecting invites to join Facebook and felt the sting of disapproval when I’ve had to explain myself as a privacy nut. Very well written!
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Oh how awesome – I get excited to hear from folks who aren’t on the bandwagon, as you say. I honestly wonder how things would be different for me if I didn’t join. It’s incredibly ingrained in our lives! Stay strong; I hope to one day join you in the ranks of freedom 🙂
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Facebook chat is a nightmare if you have a lot of friends… I always have mine turned off. Otherwise it’s just a flood of messages that are just overwhelming.
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agreed. I have it disabled; couldn’t take the anxiety any longer. 🙂
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god. i couldn’t agree more. you should read one of my more recent blogs on that similar topic. facebook has become some sort of oddly removed social interaction that is sometimes more awkward than real-life situations. thanks for sharing!
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I’m surprised at how many folks are frustrated with it and/or have written about their frustrations as well. Certainly WordPress is a breeding ground for a revolution 😉
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This is very true-old Facebook was much more laid back, whereas new facebook has become a popularity contest. Good job!
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yea i agree i had one when it was for college students but then it became an all out popularity war between facebook and myspace and things pretty much went downhill…it’s only a matter of time before something new becomes the new hot social media site..maybe google+ ???
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I hope so. I don’t know that it will solve some of the problems our generation will have with real communication, good conversation, or detaching themselves from the computer screen, but it will sure help with well-chosen information sharing, careful publication, and keeping acquaintances out of your business without losing them as a contact.
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A lot of folks have related aspects of it to high school – so very true! Thanks for stopping by 🙂
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Haha, I tend to agree with your article. =)
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Thanks so much for reading!
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And I wonder why people are not liking my page as much as I had hoped. I guess I am not popular enough lol.
Great blog, by the way…
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If you mean your blog? It just takes awhile, I saw your all about
sports there, check out other people with sports blogs, and leave
comments, in other words find where all the people who like sports
or going and if they see you – they are more likely to check you
out.
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good advice!
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I would suggest a different layout – and definitely change your tagline on the top right from “Just another wordpress site” Turn on sharing at the bottom of your posts, and consider publicizing on other social media sites. There’s a lot of support on WordPress.com for how to get more hits. And take the suggestion to invest in other people’s sports blogs as a commenter and avid appreciator – it will only be a matter of time before folks come visit you because you’re a regular. Good luck!
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Oh my goodness, I agree!!! I recently took a “leave of absence” on Facebook. At first, I thought it would be difficult. I thought I’d need a “Facebook Patch”, similar to quitting smoking. I made my announcement — but I seem to find that more and more people are doing the same, and truthfully I barely miss it. It feels like freedom from a bunch of kids/parents and farmville crops. I think it’s pure awesomeness to be on sabbatical!
http://wp.me/p1EQYg-1u
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It’s definitely refreshing to hear that you’re doing fine without it because I hear so many stories of folks who leave and return – like me. I wonder if you’re really on sabbatical or if you quit for good? 😉
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Great writing voice, you really expressed your feelings well. I think we can all relate to the disappointing direction that Facebook has taken these last couple of years. Shame really.
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Thanks a lot – I appreciate it!
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Ugh! No more fake crops! No more FB chat! If FB wasn’t so akin to a coke addiction, I would’ve gotten rid of it a long time ago.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
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haha I think there are lots of folks on here who would like to leave but find it difficult as well. I’m one of them for sure. Thanks for reading!
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