Facebook is getting so awkward, isn’t it?
Personally, I can’t take the pressure. It was bad enough when our parents, aunts, and uncles began to join. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I still manage to forget they’re in my contacts and I say something wildly inappropriate only to be scolded seconds later. Then all these apps and games and silly questionnaires came through and all the sudden I’m forced to virtually break up with my friend because she won’t stop telling me to water her virtual crops. Sure, I could just weed through my privacy settings and try to block app invites, but if my friend is the kind of person that constantly bugs me to water her fake crops, do I really want to be her friend anymore?
These are the sorts of hard-hitting questions I’m faced with every time Facebook ‘upgrades’.
Things got even more intense when Facebook leveled-up to real-time updates so that when you stare at your mini-feed you can actually see someone’s comment post at the very moment they do it. And now, the ultimate mega stresser: Facebook chat.
It could be the super awkward hermit in me, but the chat is where I draw the line. The beauty of Facebook used to be that it was casual and cool. People could post on each other’s walls at their leisure. In a world where the weight of a cell phone text or an email is so heavy that people expect a response immediately, Facebook was the one place I could still go if I wanted to socialize at a relaxed pace.
Facebook relaxation is now dead to me.
When I log on, I have updates that need tended to. I have people commenting on pictures or saying hello or writing on my wall to ask me to hang out that same day. I have messages from friends who haven’t caught up in a while and think email is too impersonal. And sometimes while I’m tending to those things, someone is online at the very same moment and responds immediately. Immediately! Then there’s all this pressure. Do I have to follow up? Can I go log off? They’re on. They see me. They know I updated only 5 seconds ago; it’s stamped right there in cold, gray text. I can’t possibly just leave – I have to finish the conversation.
I also have to manage my status updates. Because if I tell a friend I’m too busy to hang out one night but I update my status at 8:35pm saying how much I love Arrested Development, it’s voluntary incrimination. It doesn’t matter if it’s on in the background while I’m working. It doesn’t matter if I thought of a funny episode and it wasn’t even on television. That friendship is doomed.
Doomed.
Don’t even get me started on birthdays and engagements. Talk about stress! Seriously?! Every year on my birthday I have to be wished a happy birthday by hundreds of people I haven’t talked to in ages. On one hand, it’s nice to feel loved. On the other, you know that if any of those people really cared about your birthday they’d have called. Or written. Or emailed. And now I feel inclined to follow up with them to see how they are, but I don’t know if they were really reaching out or if they just wanted to hop on the birthday bandwagon.
I don’t even recognize some of their names.
I’m not the only one who feels this pressure. I know it. Because not long ago, some dear friends of mine got engaged. And while I was relishing in the happy moment with them, they admitted that they were quite exhausted because they had to be sure to call every single person that was even remotely close to them to let them know they were engaged before those people saw it on Facebook and got offended that they found out online and not from them.
You see? What are we doing to ourselves?!
So no, Facebook, I will not be utilizing your ‘Facebook Chat’. The last thing I need in this too-accessible age is to log on and be immediately available to a thousand people, try to figure out how to end conversations with everyone because I don’t want to deal with them, and then worry about what to update my status to that will be amusing but also not indicate that I was having too much ‘not-too-busy-to-chat’ fun.
Lord help us; Facebook will be the end of us all. ♣
The Jackie Blog 
I agree with everything you said. I’ve even been trapped in a chat or two once I logged on. Once with a chick who lived my building and has my number.
LikeLike
oh, awkward. just so awkward.
LikeLike
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve just gone to going on facebook, checking updates, and turning it off. My chat has been disabled for a LONG time now.
LikeLike
I’m hoping to get to the point where I don’t log on at all and “delete” the account. We shall see 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
LikeLike
Whew! Facebook sounds exhausting. Thank you for refreshing my memory as to why I still refuse to join the cult of Facebook. I have more than 400 relatives in the immediate area alone. No *way* am I even going to attempt that kind of stress…
LikeLike
it really is; kudos to you for refraining. 400 relatives in your immediate area!? My heavens that’s staggering.
LikeLike
LikeLike
I sort of love this guy.
LikeLike
thanks for sharing – haven’t seen this before. I like some of the points it brings up. Especially the comment on how people look at each other’s pics and relish in how fat they’ve gotten since high school. So true.
LikeLike
I love your article and I completely agree with you, which is why I still haven’t given in to the little ‘f’ in the blue square! I’m loving it out here! I wrote about it April 15, 2011, at my blog: (check out “Happily Living Outside Facebook” at: http://jamtastic4.wordpress.com/2011/04/15/happily-living-outside-facebook/
and see if you agree). I’m amazed how many people are consumed by FB and ignoring their lives. I’m curious if others wish they’d never gone there in the first place. Guess I’ll never know what I’m missing!
Jamtastic4
LikeLike
Brilliant – will have a proper read later but like the gist of what you have written…..wish I had done the same & not joined FB! Overall it adds very little to your life. That said, it is worth it in terms of keeping tabs on your favourite bands etc playing as they all use FB to promote their events. But family & friends – just gets awkward! 🙂
LikeLike
I’ve had a few folks suggest using Fbook just to follow companies, people, groups of interest and the like – and to be honest it never even occurred to me to do so. Maybe I’ll see how I like that aspect of it.
LikeLike
Hey, Jam – I really love your post. Not only do I love that you don’t interact with Fbook, but I love the points you bring up – especially the one about relationships and how Facebook can be a huge temptation. I’ve experienced it myself in a relationship and it really, really sucks. It’s a matter of accessibility. Sticking to the straight and narrow is much more difficult with constant feeds of temptation. Very well written – thank you so much for sharing.
LikeLike
I used fb chat before but then I became friends with someone that would ALWAYS chat with me. Now it’s always off and I love it. Also I do not like that some people fill up the News Feed simply because they update their status about 10 times a day. Not everything needs to be shared with the world.
LikeLike
Agreed. I’m exercising the block feature much more often these days. I just can’t stand negativity, relentless boring updates, or rude people who come to fbook looking for a good argument.
LikeLike
Facebook will not be the end of us. Google+ will be the end of us. But at least we’ll have material to complain about in the future via blog. Or if you prefer we could just facebook chat about it.
LikeLike
I wonder if Google+ will actually be able to show Facebook some firm competition. 🙂 And hey – when you commit to posting every day, ANYTHING is game for material. One gets…desperate. 😉
LikeLike
Death and break-up announcements are getting a bit close too.
LikeLike
oh yes. most definitely.
LikeLike
What hurts even more is when it’s your big day and NONE of the 457 people on your friend list remembers. But they still remind you to water their crops. I had to block every app but one.
LikeLike
Ohh wow. That’s rough. Like…really rough. I would hope you had people who were actually close to you wish you a lovely day of celebration. If not – allow me to. Happy However Belated Birthday 🙂
LikeLike
I agree. Facebook is a hydra with too many heads that is spinning out of control. However, at the moment the problems aren’t enough for me to leave it. We’ll all simply adapt to Facebook’s changes because it’s such a huge part of modern day society that it’s hard just to leave it completely. Although I just recently got invited to Google Plus and it reminded me of the old Facebook so maybe you might want to check that out?
LikeLike
Ah, I love a good hydra allusion. 🙂 And it really is amazing how much it has saturated our lives, isn’t it? It’s absolutely everywhere. I joined Google+ and I should really commit to using it more often because I love the circles concept.
LikeLike
HAH! facebook really is a headache. Im more onto reading blogs now than opening my facebook account. I find it a little bit frustrating especially when they run updates
LikeLike
Yay blog reading! 😉 thanks for stopping by.
LikeLike
I had no idea FB chat changed its format the other day, and so I would receive messages from my friends. Later when they asked why I didn’t respond I would just say “oh I wasn’t online” and all of a sudden I realized that people can see you no matter what, even if you’re not available to chat. Oh the awkward horror.
These days I go on FB for 5 minutes and get the heck out because I can’t deal with such invasion of privacy.
LikeLike
Super duper awkward! I shudder just thinking about it 🙂
LikeLike
So have you joined the likes of me (http://unsolicitedious.wordpress.com/2011/07/24/breaking-up-with-facebook/) and broken up with Facebook? Or are you in counseling?! Great post – my thoughts exactly!!!
LikeLike
I really like your post – it’s very well-balanced and thoughtful. I might make the jump and log off for good this time. A big part of what holds me back right now is that it’s such a good publicity tool. A lot of folks filter to this blog from there… but perhaps it’s time nonetheless 🙂
LikeLike
Ha! Just today, instead of wishing someone a happy birthday on facebook, I left them a huge personal message detailing my struggle with why I should or shouldn’t leave them a birthday wall post; would I contact you by phone and wish you a happy day if you weren’t my facebook friend? If I wouldn’t, does that make me shallow? Should I just post “Cheers!” with the herd? Or should I stand against the half-hearted facebook birthday wish? AHHH! It’s enough to drive one to the brink. I have considered leaving The Great Facebook, but a good friend reminded me “…it’s like the KGB, you can never REALLY leave…”
LikeLike
LOL Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I think when trying to discern whether to wish someone a Facebook Happy Birthday. Remember back when people would pay a dollar to put an image on your wall and wish you happy birthday? Craziness.
LikeLike
Count me on with all those who agree. Chat is definitely the deal-breaker.
LikeLike
Maybe the next super annoying, super invasive ‘upgrade’ they make will be the last straw and we will all revolt. You in? 😉
LikeLike
Arrested Development is really great, isn’t it? Just don’t make ’em like that…ever. Great post–so funny!
LikeLike
So true. Such a witty show. And it’s so refreshing to watch something funny that doesn’t have a laugh track.
LikeLike
Great post! Though I do have a facebook account but since the 4years spent on facebook, I have never been able to actually configure it’s Privacy Preferences completely. It’s so irritating that they keep changing them after every few months.
LikeLike
It’s impossible to be in the know unless you’re constantly connected. It’s hard to keep it casual!
LikeLike
I got roped into Facebook because “all my friends were doing it” and now I feel bad if I don’t post a status regularly, which is ridiculous. I don’t like the idea of collecting friends so I regularly purge ‘friends’ who I never hear from. This got me in a bit of hot water with one guy, so now I’m hesitant to do that again. Oh the perils of FB’ing!
LikeLike
Ah, the ‘Facebook by Intimidation’. Terrible. Just terrible.
LikeLike
Clearly, we need a support group. My name is Whoa… and I am addicted to Facebook. I check it on my phone perhaps 15 times a day. It is the last thing I do before I sleep, and the first thing I do in the morning (after my daily smackdown with my alarm clock).
I keep an eye on my kids walls, to see if there are things I should know about but not be informed of. (Thing1 is now single. Thing2 is going to be a 13-year-old father).
I check my boyfriends wall to make sure that he hasn’t added yet another Ex-Girlfriend that I need to be paranoid about.
I immediately check any pictures that I am tagged in, in case I happen to look terrible, so that I can untag myself.
I make sure that MY Ex boyfriends don’t get drunk and post terrible things that may or may not be true on my wall – and if they do that I change my permissions and disallow them to post anything.
I am a slave, to the Facebook Machine.
The problem is … without being ‘aware’ of what goes on … I will feel like a blundering fool of a human. “Oh – Great Uncle Joe died?? No, I’m not on FB, so I didn’t get the invitation to the commemorative group.” “What? I am no longer in a relationship??” and “What the heck do you mean ‘congratulations Grandma!?’!!!”
*sigh*
😉
LikeLike
I love your honesty. It’s so effing true. I try to pretend like I am a normal well-adjusted human being who doesn’t need to worry about what goes on in some virtual world. And yet there is this skeleton called my facebook profile I take out to dance the cha-cha with anytime I get a minute of privacy.
LikeLike
Lol to the ‘cha-cha’- it’s a monster of our own making. The problem with wanting to know all the details and ins and outs to our lives and friends lives is that it becomes a necessity. :s
LikeLike
agreed!
LikeLike
LOL @ Thing1 and Thing2. I love that all the things you chronicled are stress-inducing or ass-saving actions. Oye. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
I have a theory that facebook is only as annoying and stressful as you make it. It can be used for tremendous good, and connects people in odd and interesting ways, if you choose to look at it that way. Or it rips people apart at the seams and destroy a little bit of our humanity, if you choose to look at it that way. I’m between opinions. Sometimes it destroys me, other times it’s quite edifying. Let’s use the social network as it’s supposed to be used.
-Fox
LikeLike
Very well said indeed.
LikeLike
Very interesting!
Ironic. I wrote something myself 🙂
http://purplemushroom2.wordpress.com/
Check it out!
LikeLike
A very different perspective – thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
I’m on FB but rarely use it anymore for most of the reasons you’ve citwed. It just annoys me too much!!!
LikeLike
I might just give it up altogether. Maybe it’s time 🙂
LikeLike
I feel your pain on a lot of that. it’s probably why my facebook friends like is only 76 and I have it set to give out almost no personal information.
LikeLike
That sounds so lovely. 76 Friends. I might actually have that many people I almost care about.
LikeLike
haha, the bit about your uncles and aunts being on facebook made me cracked up. Luckily for me, my folks still remained in the pre-fb, pre-tweet era. Love the humour (and wee bit of frustration) in your post. =)
LikeLike
So glad you enjoyed! And you’re lucky to not have your older relatives on Facebook. It can make for some pretty awkward run-ins. 😉
LikeLike
Whoa! That’s a long list of replies! =) This only goes to show that aside from being Freshly Pressed, Facebook has made A LOT of difference (both good and bad) on people’s lives.
Cheers to your journey! Don’t worry, you’re not alone. We’re all in this really-awkward moments together in Facebook. ;P
LikeLike
Very true – and very exciting 🙂 I’m actually kind of surprised to find so many people so frustrated with Facebook. I would have expected to get a little more push and shove in the comments from Facebook lovers but either they didn’t feel like commenting in large amounts, or most folks really feel this way. Perhaps the start of a revolution? 🙂
LikeLike
Great post. Facebook really is getting out of control. So many people don’t interact in person anymore. Everyone is behind their computers or phones on Facebook – even if you are hanging out with them in person! It’s sick! Soon enough, nobody will have social skills. Shouldn’t it be the opposite? Isn’t it easier to hang out and talk in person? Why does everyone have to show off everything on Facebook? “Out at Starbucks drinking a mocha frappuccino with Heather!” You’re cool with your Starbucks. Let me go rob your house. Heather’s too. And people updating their Facebook every few hours, even minutes, with what they’re doing. Sometimes they complain about their lives and when someone asks about it, they say they don’t want to talk about it. That makes sense. Someone complains about their image, then uploads 17 pictures of their face! I think human beings like Facebook because we are naturally selfish and want attention.
LikeLike
I think it’s sad that in the progression from MySpace to Facebook, we still haven’t been able to squelch out the people who are publicly whining and complaining about their lives. Asking for a little encouragement in a day is wildly different from airing your dirty laundry for everyone or publicly throwing someone an insult. There’s a very disgusting side of us that things like Facebook can really bring out. And I agree about folks not hanging out anymore. I think that eventually the art of good conversation will be dead to us.
LikeLike
I’ve shut off and/or blocked every application on FB. Don’t want to hear it.
LikeLike
Me too. Ugh.
LikeLike
At times, many many times, I want to leave FB, but I just can’t. The social pressure to not seem like a freakish hermit, when FB is supposed to be so fun, and as you say “casual,” does remind me of high school and not in a good way. I have no easy answers anyway, but you are not alone. Ironically, I recently started a blog…thank goodness not about social media or the weight of my own self-reflexiveness might have overwhelmed me. Perhaps FB just reminds us that there are a multitude of ways to not be socially graceful–in person and not. And that just as in high school we have to learn to put it all in a larger perspective. Thanks for your insights.
LikeLike
I really like the points you’ve brought up here. Thank you so much for sharing – I agree! Good luck with the new blog 🙂
LikeLike
Haha! So true! When my friends keep asking me to “water their plants” on facebook, it makes me want to defriend them. Great post!
LikeLike
GET A REAL FARM! Right? 😉
LikeLike
This is by far the best description of how FB has evolved and just how similar it is to highschool only in FB you can technically be anyone you want to be with those you don’t actually personally know (even though you are “friends”). Great stuff!
LikeLike
What a compliment – thanks! It is a lot like high school I suppose. Luckily I don’t have to worry about people freaking out over how many ‘likes’ and comments they get – but to know that kind of a popularity contest goes on is just ridiculous.
LikeLike
Dear Writer,
Right now I do feel the same. Nothing beats personal interaction. I realized that some people take you for granted because “you-are-just-there-online-so-i-can-talk-to-you-anytime.” I am sick of people you’re close to but ignore you because you’re just there. The effort nowadays is missing. It is like you don’t have freedom. You need to reply (even if you don’t want to) because your friends know your “presence”. And the frustration for something “why-didn’t-my-friend-replied-to-me-but-I-just-saw-he-updated-his-status-a-while-ago” thing.
These social networking sites are only supplementary to our relationships with other people but not – definitely not – an alternative. I say no to electronic friendships. I just recently deactivated my FB account. I’m tired of it.
Kudos to your article. 🙂
LikeLike
I’m hearing a lot of folks have deactivated their accounts lately. Let’s hope it’s the start of a revolution 😉 Thank you so much for stopping by and contributing.
LikeLike
Love your post. But I think you can change your settings so that people can’t see when you’re logged on. Definitely erases a tiny bit of the awkwardness.
I have this sort of fantasy that one day I will commit facebook suicide, but I’m always afraid that I won’t hear about or be invited to the events that all my friends know about, because facebook is practically thee only social networking tool anyone uses anymore, even preferred over texting oftentimes.
LikeLike
It’s true; I left once and never got invited to things and never knew when my friends were in town. No one else exists off the grid, so they don’t even think to contact folks by other means. It’s sad that it would take a group movement for it to be effective – but I honestly think I might give disconnecting another go. It does make it difficult when I’d be cutting out a great publicity tool for my blog – but that’s how they get ya 😉
LikeLike
I’m not sure that Facebook has to be such a chore for anyone – I love FB it was the saviour of my life in Saudi Arabia where there’s no entertainment, but now I’m behind the great firewall of China and rarely get a peek out it’s not the end of the world either.
Managing your friend’s expectations should be easy – otherwise delete them IRL as well as on FB, if they can’t handle; “I can’t hang out tonight – I want to do something else.” they’re a pain in the backside and not a friend at all.
Good post though – enjoyed it. Cheers.
LikeLike
Definitely good points and well said. I suppose folks so petty that can’t understand I prefer a different set of rules for communication shouldn’t be fussed with 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
I kinda wanna be your Facebook buddy, oh wait, will just follow on Twitter instead and on WordPress. Well done!
LikeLike
haha yes, those are certainly the preferred methods. Though Twitter is a recent thing and I also joined it out of pressure. There’s a post somewhere in here about that as well. Oh, the anxiety 🙂 Thanks for reading and following!
LikeLike
Yeah facebook gets more annoying everyday . especially notifications on your birthday
LikeLike
remember when people used to be able to pay a dollar and put a picture of a cake or a random image on your wall? nothing says happy birthday like a stock photo.
LikeLike
I just joined Facebook at the beginning of summer, and already I feel the same way you do. I think it’s the Panopicon-like effect; I feel like people can see every move I make. When I’m on. When I comment on something. And you can’t delete or edit things after you’ve posted them, so all typos and accidentally-sideways profile pictures are there for the world to see.
Yep, I abandoned it already.
LikeLike
Can’t delete? Maybe that’s a smartphone thing – because when I go to my wall and delete the post, it’s removed from feeds. …or so I thought. Now I’m concerned haha
I’m seriously considering dropping it now that I’ve had to come to terms with how stressful it really is. All that maintenance; blech!
LikeLike
You are right, I can understand the awkwardness in Facebook. I understand if I befriended my boss I will be doomed lol. I will definitely set my walls on private so he would not see what’s going on with my personal life, awkward. And the aunts, all of my crazy pictures are set on private so they wouldn’t see it, and I’m now more careful on what I post, I make sure the chat is off too as not to offend anybody who might think I’m snubbing them, and the list goes on… however, it’s a good way to relax too, searching for long lost friends, and probably stalk to somebody interesting? lol.
Nevertheless, I love your humor about it, cracked me up 🙂
LikeLike
I just hate all that caution that has to be used. But yes – good tips! I’m sure to never friend a colleague no matter how close we get. I just tell them it’s a standard rule and I hope they understand. I can’t worry about my Facebook page affecting my employment. Ridiculous.
Thanks for reading and the compliment – I appreciate you stopping by!
LikeLike
No Facebook account here. Your post just confirmed why I prefer to be Facebookless!
LikeLike
Stay that way – by all means. It’s a jungle out there.
LikeLike
Really agree with this!
FB is becoming a stress bag!
LikeLike
Thanks! LOL I love the term “stress bag”. very nice
LikeLike
I totally agree with everything you said here. I don’t even post pictures in my facebook anymore because I dont want my photos to be floating somebody else’s page…and yeah the chat feature is annoying…every time I log in, I made sure that I turn off the chat feature.
LikeLike
Yeah I’ve stopped uploading pics, have cut down privacy settings to their nittiest grittiest, and blocked all app invites. It’s quite a bit of maintenance!
LikeLike
Facebook has become very awkward! I can relate to every single thing you have written in your post. I’ve actually stopped checking my facebook frequently, it’s become a pain. I only go on to check notifications!
Most of all, I despise facebook chat! I am always offline, hate that thing.
LikeLike
Perhaps I’ll put myself on a plan: I’ll slowly try to decrease the number of times I log in and eventually quit altogether. I can start a recovery program and transition others out. 😉
LikeLike
This is exactly why I’m strongly considering ending my relationship with Facebook…ugh and it really feels like I’m having to break up with someone. That is so sad, but that’s what it’s come down to. I have to concur, Facebook will the be end of us. Though I’d be curious to see what would happen if Facebook some how, crashed.
LikeLike
haha it will be JUST like breaking up with someone. Not only will you have to cope with how to live your life now that such a big part of it is gone, but you’ll have to deal with running into people who are still on it, talk about it, and make you (perhaps) pine for the good times while you forget the bad.
Perhaps a post in itself 😉
LikeLike
Very true…seriously new facebook chat is very disgusting…I myself have been caught in conversations and winds when all that I wanted to do was update my status and log out…Wish we find a way out soon:(
LikeLike
Alas, the only way out seems to be non-participation 😉
LikeLike
Totally agree with what you’re saying. I just joined a month ago or so, and in truth it is a genius idea to make money with, but once you delve into its complexities and make more “friends” and connect yourself more with it, it can be a pain. A true pain, not only on your schedule but on your emotional state, as you have written.
(I would share this through Facebook, but that would defeat the purpose…)
LikeLike
Agreed all around! Though perhaps a Facebook share would point it to the appropriate audience 😉 I must admit I giggled when I saw it was shared on Google+
LikeLike
It’s a love/hate thing for me, with the emphasis on the latter. First, I couldn’t stand it when everyone kept insisting I “have to!” do it. Then, I moved (literally) half-way around the world and realized it can be a pretty handy tool for staying somewhat updated on the what’s what back home. For close family and the closest of friends, it can be nice when you’re 9,000 miles away. Even the chat function has proven helpful.
But now, it’s closing back in on me. I don’t have 300 “closest” friends, and most of what these acquaintances are commenting on and doing on FB are completely inane. I have resorted to making myself unavailable or unseen on chat, “turning off” posts from certain people that tend to over-post or try to use it as a 9/11 conspiracy platform (for goodness sake!) and generally only log on when someone has sent me a message or I have pictures to post.
Somehow being more connected ironically makes me feel more lonely too, and I can’t quite figure that one out. Maybe it’s the quality of the connection. Remember the time when if you weren’t physically within 10 feet of a coiled up phone cord you couldn’t be reached? I for one kind of miss that.
LikeLike
I keep thinking about the days when if you weren’t home, no one could find you.
They’re certainly a thing of the past. 🙂 Great contribution – thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
I was pestered into joining Facebook in 2006, I was pretty hooked on it back then aswell that interest has died out over recent years, feeling bitterness over not being invited to certain events I hate or going on a night out, having a five minute conversation with someone then the next day adding you on Facebook, how they find out my last name I’ll never know.
Or people just getting angry at you for removing them as a friend, nothing personal I just don’t care what’s going on in your life 24/7. It’s like if you’re not friends on Facebook, you’re not friends in real life. Pathetic.
LikeLike
Very true and well said. I love that you say you were “pestered into joining”. I already quit Fbook once and was pestered into joining again solely because I found exactly what you said: that if we weren’t friends on Fbook, people seemed to think we weren’t friends at all.
LikeLike