This Is Major Jackie to Ground Control

20 Aug

Okay now, everyone calm down.

I want you all to know that I love and cherish each of your squishy, loving, concerned brains and am thankful that you care enough to check in with me and make sure I’m alive and well.

Which indeed I am.

Yesterday’s post was meant to be lighthearted.  I really thought the whole “brushing my teeth with butt cream” would have driven that home, but it didn’t.  So allow me to reiterate that all is well.  I was a bit stressed at the time I wrote yesterday’s post and it seemed like a good time to sit down and write about how my brain just hasn’t been working lately and maybe it’s a sign of senility or an oncoming stroke.  And when I think of senility and strokes, I think of old people.  And when I think of old people, I think of death.

So you can see how it was just a natural progression for me.  Butt cream toothpaste = death.  It’s very clear to me, but apparently it didn’t land for all my readers.  Which is fine – I truly do appreciate your concern over whether or not I’m struggling with depression and it’s awesome to know that if I ever need a support system ya’ll are right there.  That’s pretty cool.

But I’m good.  Not ‘I’m good but I’m not really good and I’m in denial about my situation’ but ‘I’m good like I had no idea what you all were talking about and had to read it 10 times to try to understand how that was the takeaway people got’.

So know that I’m just holed up in my apartment as usual, trying my darndest to endure the stench of Lola’s fresh gift that she has unleashed from her buttocks and into the world to share with me this morning.  Seriously, I should get that cat checked because the amount of poo that escapes her is absolutely astounding. 

Sometimes I feel like if I squeeze her, some will come out.

Allow me once again to reiterate to you all that I am well.  Thank you for your loving support.  And  a thanks to “Big Al” (, who coined the lovely eulogy below. 

Here lies Jackie
Taken from us early
She was only in her 20′s
So it sounds a little squirrely.

But she insisted it was true
So it must have been a hex
But to honor her request
We must all pay our respects

She’ll blog with us no more
Which will really be a shame
We’ll just read some other blogs
But they’ll never be the same.

I hope she’ll reconsider
And stay on a little while
We sure would miss her writing
And it’s captivating style

So if she’s still around
And happens on this rhyme
I hope she’ll spurn the reaper
Cause she still has lots of time.  


3 Responses to “This Is Major Jackie to Ground Control”

  1. pegoleg August 20, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    Jeez, I missed all the drama. Glad you’re not dead and all that stuff. No, really.

    Congrats to Al on the great little ditty! The man has a way with words.


  2. misswhiplash August 20, 2011 at 11:25 am #

    That is okay then…as long as you are Okay, then we are all okay..

    I did like Big Al’s eulogy ,’ twas very poignant I shall look into Big Al a bit further.

    Keep the smile going Jackie..just remember my e mail address can be used anytime


  3. Renee Mason August 21, 2011 at 8:28 am #

    I think you’re just having a few more of your Suck Banshee days than usual.


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