Okay, let’s talk about it. It’s time to talk about it.
I am so completely done with the “breast cancer awareness” updates on Facebook.
Have you seen this? Have you heard of this?
Every so often, in the name of what people call “breast cancer awareness”, women private message each other a chain letter of sorts that tells them to update their Facebook status with something incredibly ambiguous that makes men wonder what the heck is going on. It will be something like ‘write what your shoe size is, followed by a sad face”. So all over Facebook you see women with things like “9 inches :(“. Which, while hilariously making men doubt the adequacy of their God-given twig and berries, does absolutely nothing to help breast cancer awareness.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that no one looked at those status updates and figured it was about time they go get a mammogram or donate money in the name of breast cancer research.
There have been bra color updates. There have been “I like it on the” updates, where ladies inserted where they put their purses and it sounded instead like a sexual innuendo. And there’s the most recent: “I’m at ______ weeks and craving ______” wherein the first blank corresponds with the month of your birthday and the second is a candy bar that corresponds with the day (list comes in the chain mail).
It’s like the time that everyone updated their profile pictures to cartoons in the name of Child Abuse Awareness.
Anyway, I’m tired of it. Like, super tired of it. I don’t like the chains getting forwarded to me, I don’t like how snarky the messages are about men, and I don’t like how the most recent brainchild makes it look like every single woman is pregnant online.
I’m a little scared to mention anything, really. It’s kind of like the mafia. You get these messages with privileged information and you’re told not to tell men under any circumstances. I’m a little afraid that in exchange for my post on this subject, women dressed in all black will show up to my apartment in the middle of the night and smother me in my sleep.
So listen – even if they come for me, I want you to know that my judgment of stupidity shall not be silenced. Ignore the status updates. Please, let’s just all stop it. If we really want to spread a message in the name of breast cancer awareness, why don’t we grab a couple friends and say if I donate, you donate? Or update your status about the next running, walking, flying, or trapeze-ing marathon so people can be aware and participate?
Listen, I have to stop now – an angry woman is approaching my doorstep and I fear she knows.
If I don’t post tomorrow, know that I have not been smothered in vain. Just make up some stupid viral Facebook status in my honor.
Those seem to be effective. ♣