My Oompa Loompa License

3 Sep

Yesterday I spent my day off at the DMV like a responsible adult and all I have to show for it is an absolutely terrible license photo.

I know, I know – lots of people have terrible license photos.  It’s a running joke.  But you have to understand that up until yesterday, I’d always taken fantastic photos for my license.  I actually take pretty awful pictures on a regular basis but the one place I could rely on looking good was the DMV.  I was proud of my driver’s license.  It looked like me on a good day – fresh and happy.   I was happy to hand it over to anyone who asked.

Those days are over.

Yesterday I ventured in to the Department of Motor Vehicles in a cute black dress and cardigan – hair down and casual and makeup natural but enhancing.  I looked good.  You know, for what I had to work with.  But when that flash went off and the woman handed me my card, I stared straight into the eyes of a fat-faced Oompa Loompa.

This is pretty accurate. You know, sans the NY part. License sample by Courtney Bolton, Flickr. Oompa Loompa sample by Extreme Pods, Flickr. Click image to visit Extreme Pods' photostream.

I was definitely orange and I was definitely round.

She asked me if the picture was okay and of course, I wanted to take another.  But there was a line of 15 people behind me who didn’t care if I looked like the creature from the Black Lagoon.  Besides, I didn’t think that being fat-faced or orange were two qualities that would be altered by another take.  Unless I went to Lowe’s, bought a few decent lights, and came back to appropriately set up the place – which, I admit, was an option in my mind.

I walked out disheartened, clutching my old, beautiful license in one hand and wanting to toss my new, terribly license in the dumpster.

I went to Burger King to get a burger to heal my wounds – which no doubt increased my chances of coming across as fat-faced and orange the next time around as well.   As I sat there, munching on processed meat and fillers, I thought of all the times in the next few years I would be asked to show my ID and how I would no longer associate it with a sense of pride.   Golly I hope the next time I go to the DMV I’m a little more photogenic.

Maybe I could just put a smiley face sticker over my face until then.

Here’s to 2015: the year that will end my shame. 



10 Responses to “My Oompa Loompa License”

  1. whatimeant2say September 3, 2011 at 12:21 pm #

    I think you look fabulous. You might want to maybe make an appointment to get your eyebrows done, though…


    • Jackie September 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

      Thanks for the tip. I’m glad there are people who are honest with me because if you didn’t say anything, I would have never known it was time for the next waxing.


  2. misswhiplash September 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    It can’t look that bad Jackie, would it be wrong to actually show us ?.
    I do agree that driver’s licence photos are never very flattering. My husband always looks like an escaped convict and mine never look like me.
    It is a shame that you are not allowed to smile, that would make a difference

    have no fear we all know what a lovely jackie you are!


    • Jackie September 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

      You aren’t allowed to smile? We are! 🙂 In fact, we’re commanded to. There’s even a little smiley face sticker on the camera where I got mine done.


  3. minnesotatransplant September 4, 2011 at 12:06 am #

    This reminds me of the time my husband looked at his driver’s license and said, “I look like Bubba.”


    • Jackie September 17, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

      Many Bubbas come to mind – I’m curious as to which 🙂


  4. pegoleg September 4, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

    Look on the bright side- with this new ID, you won’t have any trouble getting into the chocolate factory.


    • Jackie September 5, 2011 at 5:57 pm #

      Always the silver lining, Peg.


  5. missumerica September 4, 2011 at 9:03 pm #

    Think of it as a crime deterrent. Aren’t you less likely to go on a wild bender and lead police in a high speed chase knowing that THIS is the picture that will be flashed across the TV in households everywhere? Just helping you out here in case you hadn’t thought of that- you’re welcome!!


    • Jackie September 5, 2011 at 5:45 pm #

      LOL No, I hasn’t seen that positive light but I’m so grateful to you for sharing it with me 😉


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