My Pet Rock

4 Sep

There’s nothing quite as beautiful as a 3-day weekend.

In fact, I took off Friday and made it 4.  Because I’m greedy.

I’m always just a bit afraid of letting myself have too much time off because it’s in those brief moments that I regain my sanity and sense of work/life balance in the world and I consider never going back.   I run through the entire thing – how much money do I have in the bank, how many months can I make it without a job, is anyone hiring in my field right now, and am I fully prepared to take the plunge and answer a lot of questions from family.

The answer to all of those things is rarely yes.

Maybe one day it will be again.   I can’t imagine how much money I would need to have saved in order to feel okay just not having income until I find a job that doesn’t suck my soul out of my body through a tiny crazy straw.

I could, of course, just look for a job while I’m still gainfully employed and just make the switch.  But every time I go back, I get brainwashed.  Brainwashed! I forget how delicious the sweet nectar of sanity is and I hunch up at my little computer desk in my windowless cave as the lack of sunlight depletes the color from my skin.

My children will be mutants – half human, half bug-eyed, pale-skinned, gangly office creatures.  They’ll shun sunlight and happiness.

I really need a get-rich-quick scheme to come through for me.  I’ve had a lot of ideas, but none so awesome as the Pet Rock.  That guy was a genius. 

It’s either that or win the lottery, and I don’t think those 1-dollar scratch offs ever got me anything but a free ticket and a second chance to be disappointed.  

So I need to get serious about my million dollar idea.  I need to dedicate more time to finding it.  If someone can take a terracotta pot, make it into different shapes, put an easy plant to grow in it, and attach a catchy jingle and retire early in life, I can certainly dream up something with a little million-dollar potential.   Or a rock that you personalize and call a pet.  A ROCK. 

There’s gotta be something I’m not getting here… something I can grab in my brain and shake the money out of. 

Then it’s hello to infinite days off. 

Let's hope these chairs stay there until my success. Dibs!


8 Responses to “My Pet Rock”

  1. pegoleg September 4, 2011 at 12:26 pm #

    Hey, let’s blow up posters of your picture of the beach, roll it up, put it in a tube with a chilled bottle of Corona (and a lime) and call it Vaca in a Tube! We’ll make millions, Jackie, millions! Bwaahhahaha!


    • Jackie September 5, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

      aaahaha you know what – people would actually buy that. Because it’s funny. Let’s get working.


  2. misswhiplash September 4, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

    Good luck Jackie that is all I can say, but oif you do manage to sell a rock as a pet do let me know


  3. middleofthebed September 4, 2011 at 1:22 pm #

    ahhhh Right now I would do anything to have my very pale, overworked butt in that chair.


    • Jackie September 5, 2011 at 5:54 pm #

      can’t you just feel the breeze on your pasty face?


  4. Lucy's Mom September 6, 2011 at 9:10 am #

    Jackie – You need to find a way to get paid to blog because this one is right on the money!
    And so here we are….. Monday morning…. let the soul sucking begin


    • Jackie September 13, 2011 at 8:42 pm #

      It turns on fast and hard, like a Hoover – doesn’t it. *sigh*


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