I think the universe has subscribed to my blog.
I’m not really sure which username it’s under, but it’s becoming exceedingly obvious that I am being stalked. And I’m totally down with it.
You see, it appears that when I pull something from my brain, ball it up into a post of rage, and throw it out into the world, it is answered. Answered! I know you don’t believe me. And that’s totally coolio because I have proof thanks to this handy dandy postaday blog.
Behold the proof:
Exhibit A: I once wrote a post about how I was upset that my favorite ice cream place in the entire city had been replaced by a cryptic sign that said “Coming Soon! Chica Loca Taco!”. I mourned the loss of a fantastic and popular shop and demeaned the stupidly named store that was replacing it, as if Chica Loca Tacos had something to do with it. It’s a classic illogical blame switch, courtesy of my brain (you’re welcome). Shortly thereafter, my favorite ice cream store responded with a comment on my blog that they were moving across town. And as if that were not enough, my first visit to the shop of deliciousness revealed plans for an authentic pizzeria by the same company name right beside the ice cream stand.
Coincidence? I think not. This was clearly an example of specified marketing based on social media.
Specifically, my social media.
Exhibit B: I don’t like work. Like most people, I’d rather be home in my pajamas, sleeping way too long, making and/or eating excellent food, and watching things that I find to be entertaining. I’d rather be with family and friends and animals. I’d rather be walking around the middle of the woods pondering the meaning of life. I’d rather be doing oh-I-don’t-know anything other than working. It’s the plight of the human condition, apparently. At any rate the universe heard me. And on a day when I really wanted to be doing anything other than finishing out the second half of my day, it was announced that our building had to kick over to emergency generators and that I would not be able to work. I was sent home. Essentially through the power of wishful thinking, I got an Adult Snow Day. It was beautiful.
And behold Exhibit C, the most recent development in the case of of universe-stalking-Jackie’s-brain: A Dyson vacuum. That’s right: A Dyson vacuum. After dedicating an entire post to my frustration with my vacuum, which clogs so easily with dust and cat hair in its fifteen-foot-long hose that it takes an entire hour and a half to effectively suck even half the grit out of my carpet, there rained down a Woot from Heaven in my favor.
For those of you unfamiliar, woot.com is a website that features a ridiculously awesome daily deal. Sometimes it’s on something you find useful and sometimes it’s on something that’s totally useless but totally cool. And yesterday one of my readers (after having read my post of anger and disgust) notified me that the woot.com product of the day was a Dyson vacuum, which regularly retailed for about 500 smackos and was featured on the site for an absurdly low price. Absurdly low. Almost heart-attack-inducing. And in less than two weeks, I will have a beautiful Dyson cuddled up in my closet after using it to put a hurting on my carpet and then breathing the fresh, clean, cat-hair-and-dander free air in my apartment.
Maybe I won’t wake up with congestion anymore.
Perhaps I shouldn’t get my hopes up.
Regardless, I got about 15 responses through Twitter, Facebook, the blog, and my cell phone telling me that I should hands-down get a Dyson as soon as it’s humanly possible. And yesterday, the universe made it possible. It’s stalking me. And you know, I really don’t mind. The blogosphere is a strange and powerful force.
I think three exhibits are enough. I’m not really sure how many I have to submit or who my jury is, but I can’t imagine what other evidence you could possibly need to conclude that my blog is a universe-changer.
That’s right: A Universe-Changer. Here’s to pizza and ice cream in the same store, free ‘snow days’, and vacuums that don’t suck. Or rather, do suck. In fact, I hear this particular kind doesn’t stop sucking.
Thanks, universe: you’re the best stalker ever.♣