You knew it was coming right? The week when I would completely fail at doing anything new or exciting? The week where nothing was worthy of being logged in this, the 2011th year of Our Lord: the year Jackie wrote a blog post every day.
No? Didn’t see it coming? Well it has. Breathe heavily. Hold yourself. Try not to regret visiting this page today.
I don’t really have an excuse. I could have planned better. I could have laid out my last Lollipop Tuesdays of the year so that I’d know what I was doing each and every week. But instead I ended up driving around the butt crack of the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio looking for an idea.
Usually when I procrastinate for Lollipop Tuesday, I’m in my own stomping grounds and can uncover an idea or two. But last night I was out of my element. I’d forgotten my wallet at home, had no money for tolls, and driving through a back woods area on my way back home, searching with Dave for some fantastic, free, adventurous idea.
Buggy rides were considered.
I also parked the car outside a house that had a large sign stating “Swans for Sale”, pondering the possibilities. I envisioned setting one free somehow. But then, I didn’t know the going price for swans these days. Not to mention not having any idea what kind of place a swan might prefer to be as opposed to the back yard of some crazed nincompoop that preens it and buffs its eggs in hopes that some grandiose swan aficionado will wander in any day to claim it.
Really, try as I might I had no idea why one would buy a swan. Come to think of it, I should have pretended to be one such aficionado and gone in the house interrogating the seller about his quality of inventory.
We also passed a paintball place, but even if I had money with me (which I hadn’t) I had a very broken, very bruised David fresh off a bicycling accident with me. Not such a good idea I would think. Unless I just gave him the gun and ran. He could’ve shot the bejeezus out of me and we could spend these next few weeks in commiserating pain.
But instead I made it back to good ol’ Pennsylvania with neither wounds nor swans to aid me. And though I considered wandering into town for hot wings I have to sign a waiver to eat or conquering a food contest at my local ice cream store or walking through a cemetery at night, all of those things seemed pretty lame. Let’s face it: I carved a pumpkin a few weeks ago. I don’t think you’re going to buy a walk in the cemetery after that cake week.
So here’s the deal. I have no Lollipop Tuesday, but I do have a revised schedule for future ones. Revised as in it exists now where it formerly did not. That’s quite a revision. I have wonderful things in store. Classes I had to look up, buy admission to on Groupon, and adventures I staked out. They’re laid out and waiting for me to conquer one each week until the end of the year. I’d take the time to recite them to you here, but then why would you ever come back?
So I failed. Super failed. I’m ashamed. And I shall spend the remaining eleven Lollipop Tuesdays in the year highly aware of this, my moment of failure.
I’d like to make it up to you, so here’s a pile of kittens:
Happy Almost Lollipop Tuesday, folks. ♣