Oprah: The Solver of My Middle Class Problems

23 Oct

Is it absurd to think this is a good time to enter every contest imaginable? 

For those of you who didn’t get a chance to read yesterday, our car was totaled.  With the bike obliterated from the accident involving it less than 2 weeks before, we are now completely without transportation aside from our feet.  I suggested to Dave that feet will do for now with a bit of planning, but Pittsburgh’s colds are so bad that you think you’ll never be warm ever again.  So obviously when the time comes, we’ll need to invest in sled dogs.

Because the chances that we’ll be able to house and use for transportation a pair of highly trained huskies throughout the winter is just about as likely as us getting a new car.

There’s a certain thought process one goes through when attempting to solve these adult life problems.  It’s this weird line of thinking

Magical problem-solving Oprah, hear my poor plight.

where you literally work through all the important things that your new situation affects and try to manage the disasters that are on their way prior to their actually being here.

It’s an art.  A painful, exhausting art.

So last night I sat and thought through Dave’s gigs, my work, Dave’s work, weekends we had planned away, and the upcoming holidays with my family in Amish country and his in New York.   And short of picking up a horse and buggy to be home for Thanksgiving and renting it out until Christmas, the sled dogs seem like our best bet.   I worked through the money lots of different ways.  And no matter what it comes down to, I just need more of it.  I just – need more of it.  I don’t have enough to fix my problems.

And then with no ideas and seemingly no options, I considered hooking.

You know: a lady of the night.  I mean, not really.  I couldn’t possibly be a hooker.  But mind you, this is how people come to the conclusion.  Dave is skeptic of that theory but it seems sensical to me.  

So the only other option if I can’t afford a car, need a car, and can’t be a hooker, is that I will have to win a contest.  Not just small contests – big contests.  I need car sweepstakes entries and lottery tickets.  I need to entice Oprah herself to be all like “Hey Jackie, nice blog.  Here’s a car.  I don’t have the show anymore but I like to give out the same amount per year anyway.  You know, for the karma.”

I think that’d be great press for her, you know? “Oprah gives car to famous blogger”.  

Feel free to notify her of my plan. 


19 Responses to “Oprah: The Solver of My Middle Class Problems”

  1. Katherine Gordy Levine October 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm #

    So you need to give us a direct link and I will try my best to get you a new car. I was hoping for a third interview so when you get your car mention my name and tell her I have ten or more years on her and I am beautifully aged.

    My car new second hand car and one I loved, was totaled by an undercover detective. He had his siren on but was in small car, I thought he was behind me, saw a parking space across the intersection and didn’t see him until hit the car and pushed me into a women’s fence.

    Bad enough I felt to blame, but the insurance felt it was no fault. I never tried to sue the police/ But did refuse to sign their description of the accident, which claimed I had run the stop sign. Then it was having my license challenged, having to get my doctor to say my hearing did not intefer with my driving and generally being a bit harassed for six months, I began to wish I’d hired a lawyer. I did finally file a complaint with the civilian police review, don’t like police who lie and the particular precinct did not have a good reputation. Guess the officers were afraid I might sue. The review board referred me to the precinct captain who never managed to return my phonecalls. I had done what I could, we got another second hand car that is still running. Second hand, very old Camry’s with close to 100,000 miles have done us very well. We have managed to get 130,000 more miles on them before selling them to some one more desparate then we. My husband wept when he heard a friend of my son put on another 80,000 miles. . Our current one is a 99 and my son’s is a 96. You do need a competent and honest mechanic, but it might be something to hold you until Oprah comes through.

    Good luck and tell David to be a bit more careful. Grannykat says two accidents so close together are a warning.


    • Jackie October 28, 2011 at 12:08 am #

      Wow, what a terror tale!! Bet you’re glad to be talking about it in the past tense.

      Love ‘grannykat’ haha 🙂


  2. whatimeant2say October 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    I think you have set your sights far too low. “Oprah gives car and private jet with pilot and fuel for life to famous blogger” would make a much better headline!


    • Jackie October 28, 2011 at 12:06 am #

      Haha, ooooh And hear I thought asking for a free car from a complete stranger was going far enough. Thanks for reminding me to not lower my standards 😉


  3. Lynn Harris October 23, 2011 at 1:04 pm #

    Can’t you lease a small new car for about $99 a month, with no money down. At least you can in Big Ole Dallas. Any money coming at all from insurance? Don’t give up. Winter is coming.


    • Jackie October 28, 2011 at 12:05 am #

      Lori mentioned this as well – I haven’t seen such a thing but it sounds great. Well, I don’t know if with Dave’s recent accident record we should go about leasing. I’d have to pay damages out of pocket from what I understand.


  4. Lori October 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    Yikes. What about renting a car, just for the holidays?


    • Jackie October 28, 2011 at 12:04 am #

      That sounds quite pricey – but you can be sure I’m pursuing all options at this point!


      • Lori October 28, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

        I think it can be as low as about $20/day… which, is a lot, but at least you can get home for a few days over the holidays.


        • Jackie November 2, 2011 at 9:49 pm #

          Somehow you have willed my good fortune into existence – the insurance company is going to give us a rental for a while!


  5. Neil C. Reinhardt October 23, 2011 at 3:38 pm #

    Something you could look into is that
    some companies wil let you use THEIR car, which as their ads all over it, IF you promise to drive XX number of miles per XXX time frame.



    • Lori October 24, 2011 at 12:37 pm #

      Jackie, you could totally be the next Red Bull driver 🙂


      • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:58 pm #

        OOOOoooh that would be the coolest. I wonder what that entails. I’m sure I have to do lots of things. I really wouldn’t mind driving one of those suckers around. 😉


    • Jackie October 28, 2011 at 12:03 am #

      Ah yes, perhaps this is how the Red Bull car works!


  6. Neil C. Reinhardt October 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

    I JUST “googled” for “FREE CARS” and got a bunchof links.

    So. CHECK IT OUT!!!!

    Best of Luck to YOU!



  7. pegoleg October 24, 2011 at 1:55 pm #

    Oprah’s got problems of her own (get it, “own”???), what with the collapse of her new network. Try to show a little compassion for her, ok?


    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

      I’m so, so, sorry Oprah. I shouldn’t have referred to your pop culture entity and what you represent, but rather regarded you as a person with feelings and hopes and shattered dreams.

      Except not really on that last bit. You’re doing all right for yourself.


  8. Lori October 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm #

    Me again. I heard talk on the radio this morning about how leasing a car can be as cheap as $99/month (you supply your own insurance).


    • Jackie October 27, 2011 at 11:42 pm #

      You sound like a commercial. I’m surprised my spam bot didn’t get you 😛

      jk, I was looking at leasing, actually. The main problem is insurance, which currently costs nothing under my parents and when I get my own vehicle (old one was Dave’s, under his parents – gift from college) I’ll have to do two more payments than I had before. Ouch!


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