My Plan for World Domination

5 Dec

My butt hurts.

And my thighs.  And my arms.  And my lack of abs.

Yeah, I didn’t think that a lack of something could hurt either, but that was until I started running.

For those of you not pumping my blog posts right into your veins every day, I should probably note here my most recent undertaking: Couch to 5K.  That’s a term for transforming one’s self from a sad, flabby couch potato into a lean, mean running machine.  This is an experiment for me in whether the psychology lesson I learned from blogging every day is applicable to other areas of life.  Areas I really hate that make me want to die.  Like exercising.  

Specifically, running.

The concept is simply no excuses.  I decided to do something, so I’m doing it.  One day at a time, without looking at the end product.  

I'm sorry but it was really hard to tell the search engine the difference between domination, and well, "domination". So you get the latter. Maybe it will inspire you to do Couch to 5K too. Or vomit. Sorry if it's just vomit.

This is the ultimate test of the postaday psychology because every time I think about running a 5K, I vomit in my mouth a little bit from fear.  So it’s important to focus on one day at a time.

I’m doing all right so far.  I mean, I’m only one week two.  But I’m still doing it-  I still run when the voice on my iPod tells me to run, and I (gladly and with much thanks to God in Heaven) walk when it tells me to walk.  But oh my good grief my fat does not take kindly to the flogging.  I went up a flight of stairs today and my thighs questioned me.  I had to talk them into it.  The sad part is that I’m not really even running yet. I’m just, like, jogging for a bit and then walking for a bit.  Interval stuff.  It’s just that I haven’t done anything active whatsoever with my body in so long that telling me to run for a minute and a half straight, giving me two minutes to question if I want to end my life or keep going, and then telling me to run for another minute and a half again is. so. hard. 

I’d like to mention here that I have asthma, so as to help the judging ease itself ever so slightly.  That’s right: I’m pulling the asthma card *pushes up glasses*.  Actually, I make Dave go with me so he can coach the breathing part.  Left to my own devices, I will haunch over and hyperventilate myself into an all out wheeze-fest.  It’s more like an exercise in breathing than an exercise in running.  

I’m hanging in there.  Ever so slightly.  I have to admit that the knowledge that in two weeks I will be expected to run for five minutes straight has me approaching paralysis.  I haven’t run for five minutes straight since I was in 9th grade soccer.  Even then it wasn’t pretty.

You know what I really can’t get over? That I do this crap at 6 in the morning.  SIX IN THE MORNING.  Because if I don’t get up and do it then, I’ll dread it all day.  It’s like knowing I have to get punched in the face eventually.  I can either spend my day working myself up to it and freaking out, or I can just take a slug right at the top of the morning. So far it’s been effective.

What if I unlock a whole key to psychology here? What if I begin to take on one unfathomable concept at a time until I have become a guru at life-changing and mind-altering? That’s my claim to fame, folks.  And you saw it all start here, on the Jackie Blog.

Now go share my Facebook page and Twitter with all your friends so you can be a cool hipster and say you read me when I was fat and unmotivated.

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18 Responses to “My Plan for World Domination”

  1. Bridgesburning Chris King December 5, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

    I can’t believe you are doing what I intend…and 6 am…good for you!

    Like

    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 10:20 pm #

      I can’t believe I’m doing what I intend. I wonder how long I can keep this gig up.

      Like

  2. shmilyfacephoto December 5, 2011 at 7:11 pm #

    I tried this last year. And then I had to use a cane to get around, because I messed up my knee. I may try again, a little less zealously.

    Like

    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 10:20 pm #

      Wow, that’s a total bummer! Running is so hard on your body. I hope you recovered? Perhaps you should steer clear of the running thing 🙂

      Like

  3. J.C.V. December 5, 2011 at 7:56 pm #

    You might want to wear a different outfit when you run. Lol Cute blog, you made me smile on a tough rotten day. Thanks

    Like

    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 10:17 pm #

      So glad you liked it – and that you stopped by 🙂

      Like

  4. thesinglecell December 5, 2011 at 9:18 pm #

    Good for you. I don’t run unless someone is chasing me with a weapon. I applaud your fervor, particularly in light of the asthma. Go Jackie!

    Like

    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 10:17 pm #

      oh man – it would be so much easier if someone could set up a realistic experience like that. but they’d have to work the intervals in or I’d just get stabbed to death. I need a cool down period.

      Like

  5. whatimeant2say December 5, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

    6 AM?!!!!!! You are cra- I mean dedicated 😉

    Like

    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 10:16 pm #

      absolutely bats**t crazy. it’s true.

      Like

  6. egills December 6, 2011 at 4:02 am #

    6am!?

    Wow that’s dedication for you ( or madness, let me know which ). Seriously, well done you I have full confidence that you will be running for the full five minutes soon.

    Like

    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 10:16 pm #

      today was 3 minutes, and no cake walk. I can’t imagine five. AAAaaaaahhhhh

      Like

  7. notanotherrandomgirl December 6, 2011 at 9:42 am #

    Here’s some motivation!

    GOOOO JACCKIIIIEEEE 😀

    Like

    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 10:11 pm #

      lol that’s actually incredibly effective. thanks 🙂

      Like

  8. pegoleg December 6, 2011 at 11:14 am #

    Good idea to have the picture handy to motivate you to run, really, really fast and far away from that guy.

    Like

    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

      I might have to try it soon. This program is stepping it up.

      Like

  9. Renee Mason December 7, 2011 at 5:10 pm #

    I need to take a nap after reading about all that exertion. You’re wearing me out child!

    Like

    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:48 pm #

      You?! I feel like I haven’t slept in years! 😛

      Like

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