Kevin Bacon Owes Me a Coffee

8 Dec

No sleep for the Jackie.

I got a lot done last night (still running – 1/2 way through week 2, still alive).  I did not, however get any sleep.  Instead, I was jolting in and out of a dream that included the death of my father, and Kevin Bacon.

The Baconator didn’t do anything to my father.  In fact, it was a friend from my childhood who I haven’t talked to in years.  I have, however, stalked them on Facebook.  Then she killed my father.  Then I checked out Kevin Bacon’s twitter feed, and he got in a hot tub with me after my father died.

It wasn’t, like, romantic.  It was this super awesome hot tub/pool thing that was enormous and had about 20 people there – all folks I only somewhat knew- but the pool wasn’t filled with water.  So the Baconator and I were filling it up for them with the sprayer hose on my kitchen sink.

It took a while.

No one at my workplace will understand this or accept is as a valid reason not to come to work.  I would argue that I’m a better worker when I’m sick than I am when I’ve spent the evening bereaving my father’s passing and filling a giant hot tub with a kitchen sprayer, assisted only by Kevin Bacon.  But unfortunately it’s not socially acceptable for me to skip work because of a taxing dream.

I’ve attempted lucid dreaming before, but haven’t succeeded.  It’s happened a few times on accident and those moments are so super awesome that I would prefer to hang out in dream world than be in reality.  Because naturally, I can fly there.  And breathe underwater.  And play Mario levels in real life.  But the moment I don’t want to be lucid dreaming for is the one where I gain a sense of my own consciousness right beside the Baconator while he’s holding my kitchen hose.

So I’ve resolved to stalk more people online that I actually want to dream about.  Maybe I could focus a lot of it on cartoon characters, because I’m sure that’d be a swell adventure.  I could check out Donald Trump’s twitter feed and see if when I dream about him, he gives me a bunch of money so I can pretend to accomplish fiscal goals and buy schools for third world countries and things.  Or maybe I should just browse a bunch of food blogs and stare at the food porn so that at night I dream of food.  Suddenly kicking in to lucid dreaming when I’m right beside the world’s largest vat of Jell-O sounds pretty splendiferous if you ask me.

Anyway I’m super tired today and the way I see it, Kevin Bacon owes me a coffee.  Perhaps instead of accomplishing real work tasks today, I’ll begin composing documents in support of Paid Time Off following particularly strenuous dreams.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress. 



11 Responses to “Kevin Bacon Owes Me a Coffee”

  1. Jules December 8, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    My dream last night involved a visit to an amusement park with my friends and family. They were serving pizza slices the size of dinner plates for $10. Reality check much? (hahaha) The food court was next to this HUGE pond that wasn’t maintained very well. The water was green! There were also roosters treading water and bobbing in and out to get at the fish. (wtf) One of the roosters stayed under a little too long and when it surface, it was coughing up water.

    Sadly, I don’t have any awesome movie stars in my dreams.


    • pegoleg December 8, 2011 at 11:07 am #

      I think a good psychotherapist could have a field day with this dream, because it’s pretty…what’s the word I’m looking for….bizarre? And the really weird thing about really weird dreams, is that they seem perfectly logical when you’re in the middle of them.


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:47 pm #

      that dream could use a movie star. maybe one of the roosters was really Rockadoodle. You should have looked harder.


  2. Lori December 8, 2011 at 10:15 am #

    I like the idea that you want to hold Kevin Bacon accountable for a restless night. I’ll point to this blog post when Sam does something wrong in a dream… I can hold him accountable for it while I’m awake!


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:46 pm #

      Please don’t tell him this post is responsible. I want no credit in your nagging.


  3. Renee Mason December 8, 2011 at 11:33 am #

    Hysterical, loved this post!


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

      The Kevin Bacon in the hot tub thing didn’t turn you away? I could have sworn that was a dealbreaker 😉


  4. knotrune December 9, 2011 at 5:34 am #

    Just be careful you don’t dream of eating a giant marshmallow and wake up to find your pillow missing! 😉


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:42 pm #

      I can’t tell you how many pillows I’ve already had to replace 😛


  5. whatimeant2say December 10, 2011 at 12:28 am #

    That dream is just wrong.


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:28 pm #

      You should be inside the head having it.


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