Cracking the Fit Club Code

9 Dec


I tried to make this image smaller but it was being rude. So I relented out of frustration. All hail the enormous stick figure runner. DIE IN A FIRE, PICTURE.

I’m having a hard time gathering enough stomach fat to hold it in my hands in front of me now.

That’s radical.

There were really only two times in my life that I’ve been able to say that.  The first is when I was a vegetarian (8 months, Thanksgiving turkey got me), and the second is when I had mono.  So unless I’m starving myself or my body is starving itself, I’ve been fat.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m still totally fat.  But yesterday I put on a pair of pants I haven’t worn in forever because I feel distinctly like I have two sausage link for legs when I’m in them.  And when I sat in my office chair, the waist of the pants didn’t even cut into my stomach and make me feel like I was being stabbed to death by a rubber knife.

I’ve only been running for two weeks, so I’m not really sure how I can lose so much in so little time but that’s pretty darn exciting.  I did three weeks of P90X and didn’t notice any change at all.  This seems strange to me – as if I’ve entered some sort of dimensional fold that is quickly rewarding me for doing something I absolutely hate.  How is it that working out for 1.5 hours 6 days a week got me nowhere fast and interval running for 30 minutes 3 days a week is beginning to make my body stop jiggling furiously while I brush my teeth?

That’s a serious fat girl problem, people.  No joke.

Now, I don’t want to go all life lesson preacher on you because it’s only been two weeks and I seriously can’t even imagine graduating to the 3rd, 4th, and 5th weeks of this program, let alone ever actually running a 5K.  That sounds like crazy talk to me.  But right now, at this point in time, I’m succeeding.  And I think I’m having an epiphany.  My entire life, I assumed that there were people who liked to work out and people who didn’t like to work out and I was one of the latter which is why it never stuck.  And while I’m sure there may be people in this world who like to work out, I think it’s only a very small percentage of humans.  I don’t think they’re doing it because they like it.  I think they’re doing it because they like it more than the alternative.  It feels better to wreck yourself for an hour or less than spend an entire day feeling like a fat turd.

I think I cracked the code.   Listen: I don’t like running.  I’ve been very honest about the fact that I’m doing this as an experiment on how far I can take this whole “no excuses” psychology by doing something I absolutely hate.  But what I do like is finally shaking that feeling that “I should really try to get healthy”.  I’m not walking around with this huge sack of shoulds on my shoulders and it’s awesome.  If I hate myself and what I’m doing for 30 minutes straight, I can spend the other 23.5 hours in the day not thinking about how out of shape I am, how bad my skin looks, or how I should make more of an effort.

Is this obvious? I don’t feel like it’s obvious.  I feel like things are presented to us in terms of people who enjoy working out and people who enjoy sitting on their pillowy bottoms, eating comfort food, and watching television.  You figure out which one you are, and you stay there.  Or you spend all your time trying to jump from one bowl to the other.  

Listen: it’s a myth.  No one likes exercising.  They just like it more than not exercising.  

Now: let’s hope that stays crystal clear when I’m halfway through Couch to 5K and I want to kill myself. 


16 Responses to “Cracking the Fit Club Code”

  1. Sonja December 9, 2011 at 10:48 am #

    I’m so proud of you for sticking with it! Yes, it’s only been a couple weeks, but that’s the initial hard part. You’ve inspired me to start as well. I try to watch what I eat (usually watch it go right in my mouth!). I’m a walker, not a runner. But I like the way the program sounds. I struggle to stick with anything other than walking.


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:41 pm #

      Try it! If you’re on twitter, tweet me on the days you finish it 🙂 And don’t worry – I’m a terrible runner, but this program eases you into it slowly. Try the first week and see how it goes. The jogging intervals are only 60 seconds. You can do anything for 60 seconds. 😉


  2. jaredblakedicroce December 9, 2011 at 11:03 am #

    Yep — you got it. The only time i like working out, is when I’m standing in my living room playing Wii bowling (that’s considered a workout right?).
    Also, congratulations on your progress.
    I’m a P90X grad and i saw NO obvious results until about the 6th week, and for women (and your minimal testosterone) that result time is much farther down that road. But, i will say this: i still haven’t done a thing for 1.5 years now but light maintenance once a week or so, and i can still do more pull-ups, push-ups, hand-stand pushups, and glances in the mirror than i was ever able to do before hand.
    So — if you like working-out a little, to feel better a lot, that 3 month investment isn’t so bad when you put 2 years in perspective.
    KEEP IT UP! 🙂


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:39 pm #

      Thanks, thanks, and thanks 🙂 Can’t stand the idea of working out 1.5 hours 6 days a week and not noticing a single thing about my body changing for all that time. Perhaps I need to get a hold of some patience, but I really don’t want to work so hard without a noticeable reward.


  3. pegoleg December 9, 2011 at 11:16 am #

    You did crack the code – congratulations! Whenever I sit at the crunch machine at the gym, where I really, REALLY don’t want to be, and I’m fiddling with the chair height, and repositioning my hands, and all whatnot procrastination, I repeat that lame/profound Nike ad – Just Do It.


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:38 pm #

      It really is effective. Just telling yourself that you have no option. We weave excuses so easily for ourselves.


  4. Jules December 9, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    I’m glad you’re beginning to understand what I’ve been trying to tell you all this time!
    Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though. Finish the C-2-5k program first and then we can go from there. 🙂


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:37 pm #

      Hey now, I admitted I was green 😛


  5. Lori December 9, 2011 at 1:11 pm #

    This is so simple, yet often difficult to follow. The payoff is big, though.


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

      So far it’s worked. Only on week three. I can’t imagine getting to the end but I really feel like I’ll have a breakthrough as far as the psychology behind why I do things if so.


  6. Lori December 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

    I think your on to something. I do like to exercise, seriously. But that excludes running. So I think that there’s people who like to run….and then the rest of us. Because really, why else would one run unless they’re being chased?


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm #

      because they wrote on a blog that they would? *smacks head*


  7. Clinton December 9, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    Congrats! I’ve done the the C25K program a total of 1.4 times. I really need to do it again, as it’s been extremely successful for me in the past, but I have a poor long-term memory and end up gaining the weight back. Humbug.

    Happy to hear it’s working for you. Good luck on Week 3!


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm #

      1st day down! Man, it took a lot to get me to do it today but I actually did all right. 🙂


  8. Katherine Gordy Levine December 9, 2011 at 3:01 pm #

    Well done. Bad news, the older you get the more fat loves your body. I was once so skinny the doctor prescribed ice cream sodas every night. Learned to hate them. Now I jiggle typing this.

    Once I loved to run and I think it had to do with being skinny anyway. Felt light and airy and as if I could fly.

    Do notice how the ones on the road with happy faces are the skinny ones.

    Now, I ride my old Lady tri-cycle. Gets lots of laughter and an occasional cheer. I also work out in the pool—that means putting on a bathing suit, but I know when the pool is empty except for the body guard and to the lifeguard because I am so old, I am invisible.

    Running does seem to melt fat, so if bag of bones is you goal persist. I wanted to be fat, when Marilyn Monroe was the body ideal and I was Twiggy thin. Remember Twiggy? Well, when she rolled around, I was the MM ideal.

    Can’t win for trying, but can keep a sense of humor, well, about most things.


    • Jackie December 12, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

      PRESCRIBED ice cream sodas? that sounds amazing. like, really – a dream world. LOL @ jiggling while typing.

      I don’t think I’m in danger of being a bag of bones any time soon. And if perchance I should start to be described as such, I’ll happily hop on the ice cream soda bandwagon. 🙂


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