Please Stop the Holiday Commercials. Please.

24 Dec

It's not Christmas until you get your kid a toy that makes them wet their pants

I’ve been away from television for quite some time.  But as it’s the holidays and most folks just sit around in front of the television until it’s time to carry out an obligatory tradition or two, I have no choice but be subjected to the doom tube.

Today I was introduced to the Wuggle Pets commercial.  Then some stupid dance Skechers that used ballerinas to sell what looks like a running shoe.  Then I saw a woman purposefully knock all her spices out of her cabinet so that the narrator could show me the solution to her intentional hand spasms. And then I gouged out my eyeballs with a dinner fork.

After you’ve been disconnected from the world of flashing lights and blaring voices, it’s a little shocking to be around it again.  There are all sorts of pop culture whosits and whatsists that I don’t understand and advertisements that are so incredibly stupid it makes me want to write a letter to corporate headquarters all over the nation.  Of course, this is really what I always wanted and the very reason I got rid of cable. For a while there, seeing a commercial for Wuggle Pets would have been ordinary to me.

Now it looks like certain death.

So I’m glad I’ve made that transition successfully.  The only unfortunate consequence is that now when I have to sit in other people’s living rooms for a significant amount of time, I get incredibly annoyed and upset by the yelling and screaming to buy products, the stupid reality shows that have people hooked (they’re scripted, people.  scripted.), and I mourn for the fact that I’m not doing anything constructive with my time. We could be playing board games or talking about life or going on an adventure together or volunteering in a soup kitchen or wrapping presents for kids in need or anything, really, except staring at a group of overexcited child actors freak out about a machine that lets them stuff their own stuffed animals. 

I know this is not a typical reaction.  I know.  I need to accept that Wuggle Pets are part of my reality and that turning a blind eye to them doesn’t mean they stop existing.  If I can just hold out for two more days, Christmas-oriented advertising will be off the playlist until next fall.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Try not to gouge out eyes with silverware. 

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8 Responses to “Please Stop the Holiday Commercials. Please.”

  1. knotrune December 25, 2011 at 7:23 am #

    I mute the ads, it makes them slightly less offensive. But I couldn’t stand if they were as frequent here as in the US. We might have long ad breaks, up to 5 mins, but we only get 3 or 4 per hour.

    Like

    • Jackie December 31, 2011 at 8:26 pm #

      Ah, muting. What a novel idea. And the ad breaks really do drive me insane. Sometimes I feel like I get 8 minutes of show and 5 minutes of commercials.

      Like

  2. mistressofpoetry December 25, 2011 at 8:58 am #

    Wow! You just reminded me of what I DON’T miss about television. 🙂 Glad I made the switch, too. Stay strong, Jackie, stay strong.

    Like

    • Jackie December 31, 2011 at 8:25 pm #

      I haven’t met anyone who regrets it 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement, and GO YOU.

      Like

  3. jaredblakedicroce December 26, 2011 at 2:11 pm #

    HAHA, my sentiment to a “T”, Jackie.
    It’s so odd that I feel so incredibly disconnected from the typical conversation over the table @ Christmastime — but why would i want to talk all night about the life that others are living? I want to live my own, and i want to take these great people with me for the adventure.
    SOoOoOo frustrating!

    Like

    • Jackie December 31, 2011 at 8:23 pm #

      Beautifully said. Sometimes I’m a little surprised that I don’t know what’s going on in pop culture because that’s always kind of been my thing. But I remind myself that my brain and time are dedicated to more important things and that it’s just a distraction. I’ve never regretted getting rid of TV. 🙂

      Like

  4. that Guy December 27, 2011 at 11:02 am #

    We cut the cord years ago (cable) and couldn’t be happier. $ saved, and with less blaring ads, your less likely to buy stupid crap or waste time.
    I can watch 3 shows on netflix in the same time as 2 on cable. when and where I want.

    PC hooked to TV = shows whenever. Hulu, netflix, etc.

    Like

    • Jackie December 31, 2011 at 8:21 pm #

      Right?! Yes. Absolutely. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

      Like

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