Showerheads. Furries. I’m Tired.

24 Apr

I have lived in my apartment for three years and have only just now discovered that this entire time, my shower head featured a massage function.

Well, “massage function” insomuch as an apartment shower head can offer. That is, with poor water pressure, constant fluctuations from scalding heat to shocking cold, and an overall lackluster performance.

A poor person’s spa treatment, if you will.

I’m sorry I said that just now. Not the poor people thing. We allow ourselves the pleasure of mocking our own class and race so I’m going to go ahead and cash in on the Poor  Cracker category.

No, I’m referring to the use of the phrase “if you will”. I’m pretty sure it’s a result of grad school. It’s only in my brain because I noticed it used several times in the last two weeks by people attempting to explain tiny concepts with many words. That phrase makes no sense to me. It only goes to great lengths to make you sound desperate. Unless you’ve said it with a somewhat British accent, in which case all is well by me.

Last night in class, while I was noticing the excessive use of the phrase “if you will” in class, I successfully inserted the word “poop” into the conversation.  You know, to balance things out a bit. Also, the professor was discouraged by our lack of feedback on each other’s public relations plans so I took a note and decided to get involved.

My classmate’s plan wasn’t poop. Rather, her plan was centered on a downtown hotel’s ineptitude at attracting convention center visitors. And as you may or may not know because I may or may not have spoken emphatically about it before, our downtown convention center is utilized for a major Furry Convention.

I watched as the scene played out before me. One student looks confused at the term and half the class pretends to know. The other half recognizes the one confused face as an opportunity to witness the first-time reaction to the description of a Furry.

And I’ll tell ya – it was a darn good thing I was there because wouldn’t you know discussion in the room drove right to how all furries dress up like cats and use their hotel rooms as a litter box.

This is our world. These are its issues.

So, having no other motivation to speak prior to the mention of furries, I sought to clarify the definition. I didn’t want virgin ears to be polluted by these allegations.  I apparently leaped to the defense of furries everywhere and was sure to inform the class that furries range from fan kids in costumes to fully-fledged hotel-carpet-soiling cathumans.

Right, so poop.

Look! There's one now!

Look! There’s one now!


Where were we? Oh, the showerhead. Yes. I’ve made a discovery today. It wasn’t so much about the shower head (or the furries) as it was that I’m beginning to notice I’m a bit tired. I suppose I thought that if I were awake and paying attention, I’d have noticed this detail. Then again, that seems to insinuate that I’ve been tired for the last three years.

…Which, now that I’ve said it out loud, actually sounds kind of accurate.

But hey, the semester is coming to a close so now’s not the time to quit over a little shower head confusion. I’ll admit that I’m tired. And before when I got this tired I could choose to lose sleep, drink coffee, and carry onward. But I’m already doing those things and it’s still not enough time.  But there are places I can squeeze it from.

When I think of all the time that accumulates over the course of several years for personal grooming alone, I go insane.  If I’d just give in to bushy brows, chin hair, woolly armpits, and year-round leggings, I could sneak in a few more hours of rest.

You know, it’s a shame we’re so far from No Shave November.

Here’s to the home stretch. 


18 Responses to “Showerheads. Furries. I’m Tired.”

  1. Lori April 24, 2013 at 10:43 am #

    Ok so I don’t really have any thoughts on Furry conventions “if you will.” Sorry. Couldn’t resist. 😉 But I have to say I’m glad that your posting more. For awhile I thought you had abandoned us and succumbed to your introvertedness. I for one enjoy the innermost workings of your brain. Hmmm, what does that say about me?


    • Jackie May 1, 2013 at 12:23 pm #

      Abandoned? I’ve been posting weekly, have I not?

      …maybe I haven’t? Now I don’t even know. I know it’s nice to not have to post every day but sometimes when I think about how I exchanged that for working out every day, I’d much rather write a post than go for a run.

      And I’m going to go ahead and pretend that last note is a high compliment, not a question of your sanity.


  2. LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? April 24, 2013 at 11:28 am #

    I have to tell you that your plan to forgo personal hygiene in lieu of extra sleep is completely valid. I’ve been doing it for years. I need ten minutes from the time I wake up to the time I walk out the door to get ready for work. I don’t look good, but I got more sleep. And I think there’s laws against firing people because they’re ugly, so I’m pretty safe.


    • Jackie May 1, 2013 at 12:21 pm #

      There are, but you probably get invited to less office parties. Sometimes I forget when I’m making these scale-back adjustments in the morning that people can actually see me walking around in real life and that I should consider what impression it makes.

      But then I hit the snooze button again.


  3. jfoerhirsch April 24, 2013 at 11:52 am #

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. Grad school is one long experiment on the effects of sleep deprivation on the brain. Not pretty. Good luck!


    • Jackie May 1, 2013 at 12:20 pm #

      I fell asleep in the middle of things last night, woke up at 4am, and was excited that it was bedtime already. Yes, sleep deprivation indeed. Thanks 🙂


  4. patriciaduffin April 24, 2013 at 12:23 pm #

    If you are covered in your own fur, can you be considered a Furry? Or is it the act of costuming that is truly important to the Furry lifestyle? This is what I came out with… because I am as sleep deprived as you and this seems extremely important to me. I need to know, because I may have a goal this year.


    • Jackie May 1, 2013 at 12:19 pm #

      I think costuming is necessary, otherwise Robin Williams would have been a spokesperson for awareness from the start.


  5. Jules April 24, 2013 at 1:20 pm #

    Furries? Gross. Pittsburgh sounds like an awesome place!


  6. Lynn April 24, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

    I’m sick of “if you will”, “but I have to say”, “In my humble opinion”, “at the end of the day”, and all the other useless self-aggrandizing phrases some people have slavishly copied from some self-appointed pundit(s). Filler instead of actual speech or writing. I still like your writing, Furrys, not so much, to use another trite phrase.


    • Jackie May 1, 2013 at 12:18 pm #

      in my humble opinion! yes. that’s an excellent example of phrasing I can do without. these are all thoroughly annoying and useless.


  7. Samantha April 24, 2013 at 5:10 pm #

    I don’t really know what to say other than I enjoyed this post. Maybe because I am also tired and sleep-addled.


    • Jackie May 1, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

      Saying you enjoyed it is plenty. Clicking on it to read it in the first place does me just fine as well. 🙂 Thanks


  8. arielley April 28, 2013 at 6:18 pm #

    I too have a “massage function” on my showerhead, and it doesn’t massage at all. More like, makes a lot of noise and shoots out of the curtain. So, I know how you feel! 😀 Let’s have a toast to being not rich!


    • Jackie May 1, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

      only rich people can afford toasts. unless we’re using water. in which case okay.


  9. Terri April 29, 2013 at 8:24 pm #

    Hello! I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can find more info here:


    • Jackie May 1, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

      I can’t actually find more info there, unfortunately. It sends me to the great black hole of the interwebz 🙂 But I certainly appreciate it! I should note here that I have spoken out against passing on blogger chain awards and so I cannot uphold what I’m suspecting is my end of the bargain because I’d be a big fat hypocrite. But I still truly appreciate it and am tickled very pink. Thank you for reading 😀


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